Get ready cause I've had enough...You're gonna hear me roar. --1979

So the guys had all decided that they were going to be Aurors, I had wanted to do the same thing. I mean someone had to look after them. I had cleaned the house up and knew that I would be putting on a fight across to my new husband. He seems to think of me as an actually Lily who can't do anything and I am sick of it. I made dinner and planned out this whole presentation sort of thing to really show him I can handle myself out there. He came through the door and I rushed over to him. " Hi hun!" I said happily as I pulled him into a hug. Was that too much love? ... I wanted to really make a case that I could do more than just wait until they get back and I have to bandage something up.

I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  "Hey Lily," I said slowly, eyeballing her curiously.  I took off my cloak and moved around her cautiously.  I had a feeling like she was being overly friendly or something.  Was she cursed?  My mind automatically went to the worst possible scenario.  Even under the Imperius curse they would know things... but I could at least rule out if it was an impostor.  "Lily... what was the name you never wanted me to call you?" I asked, keeping an eye on her as I moved towards the living room almost expecting to be attacked.

I almost smacked him, " I am not a flower nor am I going to attack you." I said darkly. I can't believe him. " I made dinner, and there's some fire whiskey on the table for you...as well as a little surprise upstairs." I told him as I looked around. As he was eating dinner I would then ask him. I have never been so nervous. Ember had told me that I should just join. I wanted to but I felt like that would make never ending fights. " Sit..." I said to him as nicely as I could muster.

Ouch.  Okay... maybe it was the time of the month for everyone.  Moony was awfully moody, too, but I knew the reason behind that one.  "Okay, sorry... you're just acting extremely peppy... which normally is not the case when I get back from meeting with Dumbledore," I said, trying to salvage something of whatever was going on here.  I was going to attempt another kiss, but thought better of it.  Perhaps staying out of arms reach would be best for me right now.  I did as I was instructed, almost feeling like I was back in school.  Lily was reminding me a lot of Mc right now -- which of course, Professor McGonagall hated when I had called her that.  "It looks great, Lil," I said with a tentative smile.

I scowled slightly, " Thanks. I have been making it for a few hours." I pointed out. Okay, I needed to be better with this. " I know, I figured a different outlook is normally a good thing...also, what was it about?" I asked him. I wanted to know what he was going to have to go do. Seeing as I was going to be here unless being called to St. Mungo's.

I bit my lip as I sat down across from. " Well, it's funny you bring up the meeting."

I took a swig of the firewhiskey which was much needed. "Just some scouting for recruits to our cause... we're trying to decide how we're going to handle the fact that the giants turned against us now, too," I explained.  I raised my eyebrows at her.  "What's up?  Did you hear something about the others?  How'd you get word before me about anyone from the Order?  You weren't at the meeting..."  Again, I jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

" Recruits hm?" I said with a feigned interest. I tried to not say oh I'll be a recruit because I know how he is going to react. " The giants have sided with Voldemort now?" I asked him. I dug my fork into my pasta and avoided his gaze briefly. I shook my head, " No I wasn't at the meeting..." I told him as I looked up and he looked alarmed.

"but why would you bring up the meeting?" I
Questioned. It just seemed odd that she thought it interesting. Now I was panicky mixed with being confused. "lily...what's up?"

Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair, " I had a bit of a hidden agenda I guess you can say..." I told him. " I want to join the order..." I said it finally. I waited for what I was sure was going to be a fight. " I am tired of being treated like an actual flower. "

I set my fork down calmly and put the napkin I had on my knee onto the table. First ember -who wasn't even of age yet - now lily? At least we had reason to put ember on small tasks...but not lily. And she would want the big ones too, that's just who she was. I stood up from the table and I just looked at her. It wasn't that I was mad at her for wanting to join...I kind of expected that. But just the thought of her bring involved more than she was broke my heart because I knew what could happen. I could lose her so much more easily. "I... I don't even know what to say," I said quietly. Arguing would end up being bad...... But I almost needed to yell. Instead I just walked out of the room and out of the house. I never just left the house like this...not without telling her I loved her. Though I just stood in the front yard, I just couldn't look at her right now. I would probably end up treating her like a flower. Since when has protecting her turned into a bad thing? Ifelt like I was slapped in the face.

I sighed looking down at the table as he left. Since when was wanting to help him on the field a bad thing. I felt tears well in my eyes as he left. He wasn't even going to talk to me. I cleaned up dinner and left his plate on the table. I attempted to busy myself in the kitchen. I didn't want to go out there and make him go to Sirius and ember's place or something when I wanted to talk about this. After I cleaned up, I walked back into the living room and took a peek outside and he was still outside. I took a deep breath, I walked over to the door and opened it. " Can you please come in?" I asked him quietly. I felt like a six year old girl who had to apologize for wanting to help.

" The reason I wanted to join is to be able to be there for you.." I said to him, " Other than fixing you up...I want to be able to protect you once in a while..." I said as I wiped my eyes, standing in the door way.

I had been staring off into the distance when I heard Lily call for me.  I was not sure if I wanted to go in and talk to her until I heard the tears in her voice.  I knew I was being an arse.  But it was not because I was angry with her; I was proud of her for wanting to do something to help and to pretty much put me in my place.  I just... I knew I could not bear to lose her.  There was no way I could handle it if I did.  It was the same with Ember and any of them... but especially Lily.  I turned and walked to my wife and wrapped my arms around her a little bit, giving her a kiss on the forehead before walking past her into the house so we could close the door.  "I don't need to be protected, Lily.  I need you to be safe," I told her quietly.  I looked her in her beautiful green eyes and I saw how eager she was and determined she was to do this.  I already knew I would lose.  I just wanted her to know what was going through my mind, too.  I was already so worried about everyone... I thought that Lily would be safest here than out there.  I mean, she was one of the only family members I had left... if anything ever happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

I nodded, " the best way for me to be safe is for you to be safe." I pointed out, I stood in front of him and held onto his shoulders. Looking into his eyes, " I cant take waiting for you waiting to see if your going to be okay...if your sore...or killed. I want to be there for everyone." I said to him. I hoped he knew how serious I was.

I never really thought of what Lily had to go through every time I said I was going to do something for Dumbledore and the Order.  I was torn.  I hated telling Lily what to do -- it was not like she ever listened to me anyways.  I tried to smile at her; I tried to be supportive.  It just felt like someone had a vice grip on my heart.  I was sure my voice sounded strained when I answered her.  "Lily, I will always be by your side... in whatever you decide to do no matter my opinion about it.  I love you," I said to her, giving her a kiss on her forehead.  "But right now... I don't want to say anything stupid; I don't want to fight.  I'm going to go pour myself a drink and... just go in the study or something..."  I knew that she wanted to hear me be excited for her and she wanted me to be fully supportive.  I would be; I would stand by her side and support her despite what was going through my head.  But I also needed some time to go through what I needed to, to be able to put on the front of support.

I nodded to him giving him a small smile. " I understand hon. Thank you.." I said. I didnt think it would be this hard to join the order. I had an idea, " after you do that...do you want to talk about it?" I suggested, it might make me see his side and him seeing my side.