In your darkest hour, I'll be the light at the end of the tunnel -- Winter 2016

I was up in my office -- which of course was now the Headmaster's office -- reading.  It had become so much more peaceful since becoming the Headmaster.  Of course, I was probably more apparent and whatnot with teh students moreso than even Professor Dumbledore himself.  I looked up at the picture of him snoozing for the night.  I smiled, glad that he had approved of me being his replacement.  I had asked.  I heard the staircase outside start to move; there were only a few people who knew the password to get into my office -- the teachers and only a handful of students -- all of which being my family.  I wanted them to know they could come to me no matter the time.  I heard a tentative knock on teh door and I moved forward to open it.  I was in pajamas but was only up due to insomnia.  I saw Leo standing before me and doing a quick once over on him told me something was extremely wrong.  I put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him inside.  "What happened?" I questioned, leading him to teh chair.  He was ice cold, shaking uncontrollably, and he was so pale.  And something on him was causing Boris to go on overdrive.  I was actually having a hard time keeping Boris from coming to the surface.  Something was definitely not right.

I was so cold.  I could not stop shaking; it felt like I had ice spreading throughout my entire body.  I was drenched in a sweat at the same time, which made me even the more cold.  When I laid eyes on my grandpa, something inside of me wanted to attack him.  I knew what that was, of course.  I knew what had bitten me while I was out on the grounds.  Okay, I was in Hogsmeade.  I had snuck out -- but it was for school.  I had forgotten I needed a couple of different things for Potions that I knew I could get at a certain place.  At least it was just getting dark and the rest of the students were at supper -- that's why the shop was still open.  I stared down at my hands, watching them shake.  "I was attacked," I said through chattering teeth.

When Leopold said he was attacked it all clicked in my tired brain.  I did not say a word, but grabbed a blanket and draped it around his shoulders.  Boris was ready to jump out and kill him.  "Wait here a moment," I said, leaving the room.  I left my grandson in the office and went to one of the adjacent areas of my quarters.  I conjured some birds and hated doing what I had to do.  I grabbed a mug and I killed those birds, drained the blood from them, and put the red liquid into the mug.  I had not wanted him to see what I did, that was why I left the room.  I returned to see him still shivering, just no where near as badly.  I handed him the mug.  "Drink it," I instructed, knowing that it would probably seem so disgusting to him at first -- unless his second nature was in charge enough to actually want it.  I knew it was the only way to warm him up.

I took the mug and made the mistake of looking inside of it.  I stared at my grandpa, wanting to ignore the red liquid, but it was calling out to me.  We stayed like that for a few minutes before the smell was just too enticing.  I raised the mug to my lips and drank.  Instantly my chills were gone and I felt a lot better.  Sadly, it even tasted good.  I looked up at him.  "What am I going to do?" I question, my voice showing my fear.

I was slightly surprised by how quickly those symptoms went away, though I should have expected instant gratification.  It was really like Boris... who was still thrashing at the chains that bound him when it was not a full moon.  I have never had to administer this much self control not to go animalistic on someone.  This was my grandson, after all.  "You're going to be able to handle it.  Just like this family has handled being werewolves," I said, smiling confidently at Leo.  "I'm not saying it won't be a tough road ahead of you... but you have Lupin blood running through those veins.  You will be strong and you'll be able to handle it.  Greyback blood is just as known for being strong... even if it were for bad causes at first.  Leo, the hardest part of this is not going to be handling the curse -- no, you'll get used to that in time.  The hardest part of it will be the secret."  I sighed and made myself a cup of tea.  As I got the honey around and my mug, I continued on with my back facing my grandson.  "The secret will tear you apart.  You can't trust a soul... unless you're able to find people like James, Sirius, your grandma... which I can tell you with everything our family has faced, you will get full support.  But to keep the secret from your peers... and you will feel utterly alone even with all the support you have because you are different."  With my steaming mug, I turned around and looked at Leopold solomnly.  "I wish I could tell you that it will be different... but I'm telling you the cold hard truth."

I really had not expected Grandpa to go into it that much.  I looked down at the blood in my cup and took another drink of it.  I returned my gaze to the man standing before me who has faced so many ups and downs.  "Grandpa... what do you mean it will tear me up?  You felt completely alone?  Even with being one of the Marauders and your dad and stuff?"  I questioned, hating how I sounded like such a little kid.  I barely recognized my own voice.  All I knew is that the more blood I drank, the more I wanted to attack my grandpa... which was so not going to happen.

I sighed and nodded.  "I did... the only time I felt like I wasn't alone was when I was with your grandma.  I had to relive being alone when I lost my memory, too... when she woke up I got the feeling of having someone by me no matter what again.  No, I may not have retrieved all of my memories, but she helped me merge my new self with my old... and here I am.  But I digress," I said, shaking my head and chuckling slightly.  I looked at him.  "I'm not saying you'll find that in a woman, it might be in a best friend.  Or even your parents... but just be prepared to feel lost and alone, is all I'm saying."

I nodded, thinking that I was not going to enjoy that at all, but I was grateful that he was warning me of everything that may come.  I looked at my grandpa and sighed, setting my empty mug on his desk.  "What am I going to do?" I inquired, thinking of how I was going to try to live with this.  What was I going to do about getting what I needed to have?  I did not want to think about what I was going to have to do to get sustenance to keep me alive.  I would not go out hunting...

"You're going to take it one step at a time, kiddo," I said.  "So... step one, are you feeling better?" I noticed that he had drained his cup and he really was looking better.  I just hoped that he would be able to control himself so he would nto attack any students.  "You will need to probably carry a flask of blood with you at all times.  That way if you ever get a craving, you have something to quench it.  I know you would hate to do something that you'd regret -- say, attacking a fellow student, for example," I explained.  I started looking around to see if I had something for him right thn so we could make sure he was all set before going back towards his dorm for the nigth.

I was so grateful that Grandpa was so patient with me.  I nodded at him and smiled.  "I do feel loads better," I said to him.  When he spoke about me attacking fellow classmates, I felt horrid again.  I did not even think about that!  I knew it had been hard to walk past certain areas of the castle -- places I knew students congregated with the time of night it was.  But I did not even think about me not being able to control what I was.  I put my face in my hands.  "Grandpa... I don' tknow if I want to go back to the Ravenclaw Tower... what if I can't control what I am?  I don't want to attack someone!" I was starting to panic again.

I could not help but chuckle a little bit at how dramatic Leopold was being.  "Leo, calm down.  You can stay up here with me, if you'd like," I assured him.  "If you don't htink you can go to classes tomorrow, no one will argue wiht the Headmaster.  We can start integrating you slowly back into the populace of Hogwarts so that way you can become comfortable with yourself again.  That can be step two," I suggested, giving him a reassuring smil.e

Grandpa was so good about everything.  I took a deep breath, hoping that it would truly calm me down.  I ran a hand through my hair.  I looked at him, having completely mixed feelings.  A part of me was calmed so much by being there with him... while the other part of me wanted to attack him.  Was this what it was going to be like every time I get in the same room with my own grandfather?  Or would it get easier to be around him once the vampire in me and Boris got used to each other?  "Grandpa... is it just me, or does Boris want to kill me?" I asked quietly.  I knew that it would be Boris speaking, not Grandpa.

I wondered if Leopold could feel it as well as myself.  Of course it would have to be due to the ancient history between the two species.  I tried to smile at my grandson.  "I can feel it, too, Leo," I said.  "But it does not mean that you need to give in those feelings.  Boris would kick your little vampire hide," I teased, trying to make it as light hearted as possible.  "Let me go find you some pajamas... Stay put, Leo."  It was not that I did not trust him in the office, I just did not trust the curse.  There was an uneasiness that I could not shake... and I had a feeling it had to deal with the poisonous venom running through his veins.

I was so glad that Grandpa was helping me right now and not freaking out.  I stayed in the chair and looked down at my hands.  It felt as though I were a completely different person.  I hated it.  When he came back I changed into the pajamas he brought for me, pulling the tshirt over my head and looking at myself in the reflection of the window.  "What am I going to do?  Everyone is just going to know..." I said, knowing how cruel classmates could really be.  And I was dating Quinn... what would I tell her?  I just could not.  I felt like my entire life was going to be flipped upside down.  "I have to change everything in my life."

I put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him.  I spoke in a calm, soothing voice.  "Leo, when I came to Hogwarts I thought that everyone was just going to know that I was a werewolf.  But they didn't.  It took a little bit for Sirius, James, and Peter to figure it out.  And even then, James had to ask to be sure.  I know, it's slightly different because everyone knows you from before you were changed.  But that doesn't mean they will automatically know you're a vampire," I explained.  "They'll know something is different, but if you play it off and play it cool, it'll be okay."  I wanted to make sure that Leo understood that this did not need to define who he was.