Scared to death -- Winter 2002

I was holding our little girl while we were in the Healers office as we discussed our options.  Charlie understood more than I did about what was going on.  But that was probaby mainly due to how worried I was about my baby girl.  We had both been tested to see hwich one of us could hep Quinn.  We were just waitin gfor the restuls.  Quinn on the outside looked like a healthy little girl... on the inside she was rather sick.  Both of her kidneys were not developed correcty and she was only a couple years old... my poor baby.

I was pacing while waiting.  Desdemona was keeping Quinn occupied.  She was a very sweet little girl.  Finally the Healer came walking in with our case files in his hands.  THe look on his face made my stomach tighen.  "Which of us will be the donor, Doc?" I asked.  I stopped and put my hands on my wife's shoulders and looked t the healer.

The healer set the file down and ran a hand through his hair.  "I have unfortunate news... neither one of you are a complete match," he said quietly.

I looked at him in disbelief.  I shifted Quinn to my other knee.  "What do you mean?  We're her parents.  We have to be a match... one of us has to be." I could not believe what the healer was telling us.  How could htis be true?  What was going to happen now?

I was so glad that Desi spoke that and not me.  I would have been a lot more rude to the healer.  The healer sighed.  "Sometimes this happens... you clearly match up with certain aspects, but it's not a complete match so there's an extremely high chance she would reject the donor kidney and we would have put her thorugh something that did not even help her.  We can always try your relatives and anyone else that would be willing to help," he explained.  "If they know they're typing that'd be helpful, but not a guarenteed match for the organ." 

I could not believe my ears.  I felt my grip on Desi's shoulders tighten slightly.  "How long until Quinn has to become hospitalized and we get down to the wire?" I questoined the healer.  Our daughter was only two... how could this be happening to her at this young age?

Of course Charlie would want the time frame. I stood up with Quinn.  SHe was getting antsy.  And she had to have treatments anyways.  "While the two of you disucss everything, I'm taking Quinn to do her treatments," I said  I gave Charlie a kiss and took Quinn down a couple of floors lower to get her treatments.  I hated hearing about how little or how long our baby would stay healthy and be able to handle all of this.

The healer and I discussed the options.  I went down to where Quinn got her treatments.  I waited outside while Des was with our baby.  It was not good.  I poured myself some coffee... it was extremely bitter but I tried to not let it bother me.  I had to tell Desdemona that our baby girl did not have much time.  TEars came to my eyes as I thought about it.  I had no tshown any emotion with the healer... I did not want to break down in front of him.  There was no point in doing that upstairs.  I saw Des and quinn coming towards me.  I smiled at them.  Quinn was asleep on Desi's shoulder like normal after her treatments.  I took our baby girl from my wife because she could get heavy after a little while.  We got to our house that was only a few blocks from Bill and Tonks. 

We had moved back to England when we had Quinn.  We wanted to raise her with her cousins and all the rest of the family.  I set Quinn down in her bed.  I came back to where Desdemona was making some tea.  "Honey, I am going to go for a walk," I said quietly.  I really just neeed to get out and walk to clear my head.

I looked at my husband and was extremely worried.  "Charlie... what did the healer say?" i asked, putting a hand on Charlie's shoulder.  I did not like what I was seeing in my husband.

I took hold of Desdemona's hand and issed it.  "Just stay here, my daer," I said softly.  "I'm going to see if I can figure something out, okay?  There's no need to worry."  I hoped that I had convinced her... at least for teh time being.

I wrapped my arms around my husband and gave him a kiss.  "Be careful... I better see you home for our family dinner," I said.  Who knew how many more we would have with the three of us?

I smiled at Desi.  Squeezing her hand, I assured her that I would be home for supper.  I left and started walking towards my brother's house.  It was one thing we made sure of that we lived close to one another but not too close to the Burrow.  I really hoped Bill was hoe.  There was no one else I wanted to talk to.  I could not show my weakness in front of Desdemona.  She needed me to be strong for both her and our daughter.  I got to Shell Cottage and knocked as I opened hte door.  I really hoped he was hoe.  "Bill?  You in here?" I asked.  If it was Tonks I would talk to her,too... but I preferred Bill.  I could talk to him about anythng.

I heard my brother's voice and went to the living room.  I gave him a hug and pulled him towards the couch.  "Charlie, what is it?" I asked him.  I could see something was not going as planned.  I knew they had been going to see what the news was for helping Quinn.  I was guessing it did not go well.  "What did they say?  Charlie, talk to me," I said.  He was just staring at his hands folded between his knees.

I could hear the worry in his voice.  I looked over at my brother, my tears flowign freely down my cheeks.  I could not hold them back any longer.  I let my older brother put his arms around me.  It took a few minutes before I coudl tell Bill what was going on.  I wiped my eyes and looked at him.  "Neither one of us is a match.  They don't knwo why...but it happens sometimes," I explained.  "I asked a timeline of things... Doc said she can only keep doing these types of treatments for a month max.  Then she'd need to b hospitalized and then it'd be borrowed time..."  I trailed off, my voice catching in my throat.

I could not believe what my brother just told me.  I wrapped my arms around Charlie.  "Then we will have all o fus teseted to see who will match her," I assured my brother.  There was no way I would not try to help my goddaughter.

Before I could even say anything to Bill, a patronus appeared.  It belonged to desi... what news it brought was devistating.  Something was wrong with Quinn.  She collapsed and was shaking.  I looked at Bill and we both Apparated to St. Mungo's.  I saw Desi panicking in the waiting room.  I rushed to her an dput my arms around her.  "Calm down, Des... it'll be okay," I said.  "Where is Quinn?"

I buried my face in Charlie's chest.  "They want her to get stable before we can see her," I explained, tears in my eyes.