I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend -- TBD, 6th year?

I shrugged.  "It's not that difficult... I mean, it's been getting harder now that a lot more feelings ahve been developed," I confided honestly.  "Tell you what... you tell Leo how you feel and I'll tell my guys how I've been feeling?" I thought that seemed like a good proposal.  That way neither one of us felt like we were doing it alone.  Wow... I might turn monogamous in a matter of a few days... it has been awhile since I would only be seeing one guy.

Now Lyla had my attention.  "You're choosing?  Ly, who do you have feelings for?  Oh, Merlin... you're in love with one of htem, aren't you?" I pressured, I could see it in her eyes.  She was in love with one of them.  I mentally crossed my fingers that it was Xander.  I liked Dorian... but he was more of a rebellious, pissing your dad and brother off kind of guy.  Xander was the kind of guy you would want to have forever by your side.

I shook my head at Sedona.  "If I haven't told them, I'm not telling you," I said to her.  There was no way I woudl risk the word getting around before I had the chance to talk to both Dorian and Xander.  "Mine will take a week or so... that way I have time to meet with both Xander and Ian.  But you could do yours soon..."  I wanted to make sure that she would do it quickly.  I had a feeling that their friendship would be extremely strained if she did not.  And even still... there wa sa lot at stake here.  But I could not help but think about Aunt Ems and Uncle Sirius... there was a lot at stake there, too.  And it worked out wonderfully.

I sighed.  Lyla was right.  I looked at her an dnodded.  "Alright... how do I look?" I asked.  I may as well do it now... I knew I wanted to do it before he asked Quinn just in case there was a chance that he might feel the same way...

I was so excited for Sedona!  She was going to take the leap!  I grinned at her and pulled a tissue from my bag -- you never knew when you might need one.  I wiped away some smudges of her eye makeup.  "You look great," I assured her now that I was able to touch that up for her.  "Good luck!  You'll have to find me when it's over, okay?"  I did not want to be lurking outside the hall in case they ended up going somewehre to talk about it or to snog.

I smiled at Lyla and gave her a quick hug.  "Thanks, Ly," I said, turning around and going back the way I had come.  Hopefully Leo would still be in the Great Hall so I could talk to him.  I did not have my hopes up, but with all of our years of friendship, he did deserve the truth.  I walked into the Hall and I saw him working on some homework.  I made my way over to him and set my book down that I had been carrying with me.  I sat down next to him and said, "Hey... can we talk?"  I hoped that he was not too mad at me.

I looked over to Sedona.  How was I going to be able to talk to her knowing what I did?  I set my quill down and nodded.  "Dona, you know you can always talk to me," I said, turning so I could look at her more easily.  I was a little worried with what she ahd to say.  I did not want to hurt her... but I had been thinking about what Serenity told me.  I really did not feel the same way, at least I did not think I did.

Merlin, this was harder than I thought it was going to be.  His eyes were full of concern.  But I could not lie to him anymore.  I sighed and pushed some hair away from my face.  "Leo... you deserve to know the truth," I started, positive that he could tell I had been lying to him at least for today.  Just tell him like ripping off a band-aid... that was the way I had to do it so I would not chicken out and give him another lame excuse.  "And the truth is... well, I know we always joked about this...and I don't know how it happened, but Leo, I have feelings for you.  Like, more than just being friends.  And I know it's crazy and you probably don't feel the same way about me... but like I said, you deserved the truth."  I stopped, feeling like I was yammering away like a moron.  I looked at him and I felt my heart breaking.  I could see th epain and the rejection in his blue eyes.  I bit my tongue to keep the tears from coming.

I knew how hard that had to be for her, but I was not going to lead my friend on because that would just hurt her even more.  I wanted to reach over and put a hand comfortingly on hers like I used to, but now I felt like it would just send mixed signals.  "Dona... I'm sorry, but you're right.  I don't feel the same way... I don't know what to do about it... and I don't want to hurt you.  But you deserve the truth, too," I said quietly, hating the fact that she looked away from me slightly.  When she brought her eyes back to look into mine, I saw that she was retreating into herself.  "I really am sorry..."  I knew that sounded lame, but it was the truth.

I shook my head and tried to smile at him.  "Leo, it's fine.  I really wasn't expecting good news," I said, chuckling more out of nervousness than the fact that it was funny.  Because it definitely was not.  I felt like I was going to be sick and yet I felt like my stomach was clenched so tight nothing would escape or enter it at the same time.  My heart was pounding in my chest and I had to monitor my breathing so it would not give me away as to how upset I was.  "I'll let you get back to your essay... I hear a bath calling my name," I said.  though my plans have changed:  Get ice cream, change into pajamas, and pray that Ally was in the common room so I could share the ice cream with her and cry.  I forced myself to smile at him.  "Seriously, Leo, don't worry about me.  It's fine."  I stood up and gathered my books again.

I sighed and looked at her, putting a hand on her arm so she knew not to just walk away.  "Dona, this doesn't have to change anything between the two of us.  You're still my best friend," I said to her, hoping that she still felt at least that. I did not know what I would do without her by my side.  She was pretyt much my partner in crime.

Those words were like rubbing salt into a wound.  I just laughed sadly at what he said and shook my head.  "It doesn't have to change, but it will.  No matter what we try to do, this will change everything," I told him, taking a deep breath.  "I'll see you around, Leo."  I walked away from him before he could say anything else to me.  I just counted each one of my steps and bit my tongue to keep the tears from pouring down my cheeks.  I could feel him watching me as I walked out of the hall.  I looked back a little bit before heading towards the basement and I flashed a smile at him -- though I was sure it was such a sad little smile -- when I saw his gaze meeting mine.  And with that, I left to go get ice cream and Ally.

I felt like I just had a piece of me taken away.  I was as honest with her as she was with me.  I looked back at the essay that Snape assigned and knew that I would not be able to work on it now.  Normally when I was this upset, I would find Sedona and we would talk... I felt kind of lost.  I stood up and put away my things and slung my bag over my shoulders.  I was headed towarsd the Ravenclaw tower and maybe I could at least find Quinn up there and I could talk to her.  I was not sure if I was going to ask her on the date like I was planning on doing, but we were still friends.  She would probably listen.  As I left, I felt as if people were staring at me and thinking that I was a heartless person... but when I glanced around, no eyes were on me.  I sighed and continued on my way, wondering what was going to happen between me and my best friend now.

I had been walking towards the common room when I heard rumours. God this place was horrible. I went to go find Dona and see if word of mouth was really that quick. Soon enough I found her and recognized her look. I nodded, hooking my arm in hers we walked right into the common room. " You told him?" I asked her. I knew she had been toying with the idea. If he didn't come clean to her about liking her back I was going to kill him. " What happened?" I asked. Everyone needed that little helping hand to start venting. I then held up a finger and made us some ice cream. Thankfully, McGonagall told me how to get it with a flick of the wand.

I was grateful that ally had found me. I tried to smile at her. "it's nothing," I lied, not sure if I wanted to face the reality of it. But that didn't work because tears started to fall. I wiped my eyes and shook my head. "he looked at me like I was crazy. I was telling him everything and he just wants to pretend like nothing happened and that nothing will change. It obviously will... I can't even be around him right now."