The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling -- TBD

I knew that losing Olivia was hard on Lucy.  I could see it in her eyes that she was just trying to be strong for Will.  Which was definitely what Will needed... but that was where I would step in for Lucy.  She needed to not be so strong all the time.  I found her outside by the lake just staring off into the distance.  I did not like seeing that distant look on her face.  It meant that she was not really here with us right now.  I walked up behind her and put my arm around her shoulders.  I didn't mean to make her jump but she did.  "Sorry babe," I said, bringing her closer to me and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

I was had not realized someone walked up.  I looked over at him and smiled at him, leaning into his shoulder.  "Hey babe," I said, giving him another smile.  "I just didn't hear you... so there's no need to apologize."  I figured I knew why he came out here to find me.  I was sure that I was not acting myself.  Any time I saw Will, I needed to be strong for him.  He was worse than I, so I could wait to accept my feelings and let it out.  I was just so worried about my brother.

I sighed and wondered if she would actually realize why I found her or if I'd have to lead her into it.  "Lucy... you're going to have to talk to me," I said quietly, looking over at her.  This was not my Lucy.  Where was the smile?  I mean, yeah, she smiled... but it was one of those empty ones that was just hiding what was behind the mask.  Others might not be able to tell, but I could.

I just shook my head. "Ayden, I'm fine," I lied.  I hated how all he had to do was put his arm around me and I wanted to just collapse into him and let it all out.  But I knew the second that I would let it out, then I would not be able to be strong for my brother.  I lost my best friend... she was practically my sister already even though her and Will took forever to even start dating let alone for Will to want to propose to her.  I really was not even sure how to handle my own grief... it was a lot easier -- well, not really -- for me to help Will than face my own sadness.

I did not believe her at all.  I wrapped both my arms around her and pulled her close to me and just held her.  I was not sure if she would break down or open up to me with me doing this... but I just wanted her to know that I was here for her.  I put a hand on the back of her head gently and felt the shudder of her letting go of her tears.  "Luce... I know this is hard.  I'm so sorry, babe, I'm so sorry," I whispered to her, holding her tightly.

The tears fell down my cheeks as I stood there in Ayden's arms.  "Ayden... she was... my best friend," I said, holding onto him as if I felt I would fall away if I let go of him.  I did not want to lose it like this... but I was not able to keep it held in anymore either.  I pulled away and wiped my eyes.  "I'm sorry... I shouldn't be doing this... I need to stay strong for Will," I said quietly, not looking at my boyfriend.  There was no way that I was going to be able to do this for long.

I shook my head.  "You do not apologize for letting this out," I said, putting my hands on her shoulders.  "Lucy, Will is nowhere around right now.  Let me be strong for you... in the long run, it will allow you to be strong for your brother."  I looked into her blue eyes and tried to convince her even more than just with words.

I smiled through my tears at Ayden.  I wrapped my arms around him again.  "thank you," I whispered to him, kissing him on the cheek.  "I have been acting sno terrible lately... Liv would not like the way I am right now... and-and you're here for me..."  I bit my lip, trying to keep from bawling agian.

I held onto Lucy tightly.  "Shh... baby, it's going to be alright.  You've been acting like someone who lost a person dear to them," I told her, kissing the top of her head.  "I know how close the two of you were... you're allowed to be upset.  No one will begrudge you for anything."  And if they did, well they would have to answer to me then.

I could not help but chuckle through my tears a little bit.  "I heard that unsaid 'or else'," I said, looking at Ayden.  I was sure that there was indeed an or else attached to the phrase.

I smiled at her.  "Ah, there's the beautiful smile I've been missing," I said, kissing her forehead.  "And yes... there was an 'or else' attatched to that.  I'm not about to let someone give you a hard time about any of this."  That would be ridiculous if someone gave her a hard time about any of this.

I just shook my head and chuckled a little bit, hugging my boyfriend.  he was being so awesome with me right now.  "Thank you," I said, giving him a kiss.  "I love you... I don't know how I'd do this without you."  I really had no clue what I would do if I didn't have someone like my wonderful boyfriend here to help me.

I kissed her lightly.  "I love you, too, Lucy," I told her.  "And I don' tknow... but since you have me, you don't have to think about it."  I knew I did nto want to think about not having her in my life now that she was there.