No Idea -- November 1991 (DONE)

My curiosity was getting the best of me, but I really would rather not hear about the woes that I had caused her as a child.  "She told you all about me just this past summer?" I questioned.

I looked down at my steaming cup and then looked back up at Professor Lupin.  "Well, there was one point when I questioned Katie -- Dad's daughter -- about the boy Mum talked about.  She told me about the wedding and how bad she felt for you.  She didn't realize the gravity of what had happened between the two of you.  Katie said she tried to communicate with you again after that to apologize... I'm guessing you never got any of her letters due to Mum probably intercepting them," I said with a sigh.  "She does keep some sort of tabs on you... like she couldn't believe you got married and have a family.  But because I was coming here... she wanted me to know exactly who you were.  I never saw that side of her until now... she's a terrible person."  I looked at Professor Lupin and sighed again.  "With the new honesty... I just... I can't be around her."

I just shook my head.  "I get that a lot... the fact that I should never have found happiness," I explained, shrugging.  "I just let it roll of my shoulders now... but no, I never recieved anything from a Katie."  I could not believe that any one of them had a heart.  Apparently that was something I expected none of them to have due to the fact that she did not have one.  I doubted she changed much, and apparently she had been lying for years.  "And that is the main reason you wanted to talk, isn't it?  The fact that she has lied to you?" I questioned.

I felt really bad for bringing up the fact of what a lot of people thought about him.  It was horrible what people think of others sometimes.  I sighed and drank some more tea.  It seemed to have calming effects.  I wonder if he did that on purpose.  I nodded, though, because he was right.  "Yes... she has lied to me... and she's suffocating me.  She apparently does not want the same things that has happened in the past happen to me," I said, rolling my eyes.  "I don't know what all happened before.  She probably didnt' tell me everything... but I know that she acted as much as a monster as who did that to you when you were little.  Sorry, she told me what you are," I said quickly, seeing an odd look flash across Professor Lupin's face.  "But it was like she wanted me to still love her after knowing the truth... and I just don't know."  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair slightly.  "Either way, I guess I just don't understand why she suffocates me so much with everything; though I can see why she lied to me.  School is my only escape... it just doesn't feel like anyone at home is fighting for me and I'm going to drown in everything if I don't find a way out.  I just don't even know where to start to look for an escape..."

I folded my hands and put my fingers to my lips and thought for a moment.  "Perhaps the person you need to fight for you is yourself.  Don't depend on someone else to be your hero; become your own hero.  I'm not saying run away and abandon school or anything... but sometimes only you can save yourself," I explained quietly.  I remember having to give Chloe similar advice when it came to her own parents.  I thought it was pretty good advice.  I also told it to my own daughter... she did not need a boy to save her.  She could be an independent little girl and there was no reason to depend on any boy.  Of course, that was also my way of trying to dissuade her of thinking she needed or wanted a boy as well.

Hmm... that was actually really good advice.  Why wait for someone to help me when all I had to do was help myself.  I smiled at Professor Lupin and finished my cup of tea.  "Thank you... for everything.  I really hope that perhaps - with time of course - that we can have some sort of family relationship... like one would expect siblings to have," I told him, standing up.  I didn't want to keep more of his time.  I could tell that he wanted to not be understanding; I could see some emotion in his eyes that he was trying to hide from me.  It was okay... I understood completely.  I smiled at him once more and I left his office.  I figured that I would let him take everything in without me being here in his face.  I at least would know that I tried to make a difference... whether that just makes this awkward with him this year, or if I would actually get a brother out of it, it was unknown at this point.  But I really hoped I'd end up getting a brother.

I was surprised that she just went up and left like that.  I couldn't even say anything.  When she closed my door to my office, I let my head fall into my hands.  Miss Quinn was a wonderfully nice student and she seemed like a good kid.  It's just that this brought back everything that the woman I denied as my mother did to me.  What on earth was I going to do?