No Idea -- November 1991 (DONE)

I had been at Hogwarts for nearly three months and I had not told Professor Lupin that he was my older brother by nearly sixteen years.  I was only a handful of years older than his older child -- Will.  I was a fifth year and his son was just starting his school career.  It was definitely odd.  I really almost wished that I had not been born... my parents were always so much older than anyone else's... and they were definitely old school in the way they raised me.  I had a lot of issues with my parents and family... I did not feel like I really fit in with anything.  I was either too young for a lot of things, or too old to fit in with other generations.  I hated it.  I rebelled against it a lot.  Like this... they didn't want me to go to Hogwarts while we were in England... they wanted me to go to one of the schools that were on the outskirts of a different country.  Mum had told me all about Professor Lupin... and the fact that their relationship was nonexistent.  He was her son... I had no idea how she could have done that.  

Class ended and I took a minute to pack up my things.  I waited until the rest of the students were gone and I walked up to him.  This was the last class of the day, so I figured it was best to try to talk to him now instead of in between a bunch of other classes.  "Professor Lupin... can we -- er -- talk?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward.

I looked up from organizing the essays to find Miss Quinn standing there looking at me. That girl had an odd familiarity about her, but I could not place it. I felt bad for her, starting here in her fifth year unlike others who start and finish here. From what I understood, she had been to many schools in her years. But I was not sure how true any of that was... hearing things through the grapevine was not always the most reliable. I smiled at her. "What is it, Miss Quinn?" I asked politely.

I sat on the edge of a desk and sighed.  "Well, there is something I kind of want to talk to you about.  And it's personal.  Maybe make sure no one would interrupt?" I suggested.  I was sure he probably thought that I was going to flirt with him or something.  So I figured that I wanted to make sure that he would not get awkward.  "I can't talk to this to any other teacher -- it's about my family."  I figured that I should add that.  I hoped that he would at least listen to me.  Obviously I could not tell any other teacher that Professor Lupin was my long lost half brother and that my -- our -- mother was something else.  I had a completely different opinion of her now after I learned things about my brother and her relationship with him.  My dad was alright... but old school.  I couldn't wait until I turned of age and then I would be gone.

I guess I would be one of the more easiest teachers to talk to about family matters. I was very understanding. I pointed the way to my office and followed her inside. Closing the door behind us, I walked over and sat down at my desk, indicating she could sit down in the chair across the desk as well. "You can go ahead whenever you are ready, Desi," I said, loosing some formality to try to help make her more comfortable.

I bit my lip; this was going to be a lot harder than what I thought it would be.  "Er, Professor, my mother would kill me if she found out I was talking to you about this...  She didn't even want to tell me anything about this.  It's all part of the reason she did not want me to come to Hogwarts," I started out, surprised that tears were coming to my eyes a little bit.  "I really don't know if you can help me or not... but I just guess that I want you to know this I suppose.  I don't know... but, Professor, my mum is named Hope.  Hope Quinn now... but at one point in time she was Hope Lupin."  I looked down away from Professor Lupin and I fiddled with he buttons on my shirt.  There was no reason to continue looking at him.  I did not want to see the look at him to see his reaction.  I was really scared, actually, to see his reaction.

I leaned back in my chair; that was definitely not what I was expecting a student to say.  I stroked my chin a little bit, trying to stall for something to say.  "Are you -- er -- sure about that?" I questioned.  I had not seen my mother since her wedding reception -- which nearly made me let Boris loose on her -- years ago.  Hell, that was back when Ember and I had had a fling... it had to be about fifteen years ago.  And then I saw her at my dad's funeral before the school year started.  I could not believe that she had the audacity to show up.  We had spoken then, but she never mentioned a daughter.  She just apologize to me.  Not that I would forgive her... I had never even though that Hope and her husband would hav ea child, but here she was sitting in front of me.

Well, he was taking it a little better than I thought he would.  I looked up at him and nodded.  There was no reason for me to be lying.  Why would I?  I pushed my hair out of my face and leaned forward a little bit.  "I'm positive who my mother is.  And I know you know who she is," I said, feeling really nervous now.  "I know that you have every right to hate me now because of what she did to you.  But I swear... she isn't very fond of me at the moment.  I'm not the perfect daughter and I know that you this is not your problem by any means," I said, sighing and slouching a little bit.  "I guess... I don't know.  I thought you might at least have some words of wisdom or something.  I don't know what to do... she's a completely different person to me now.  She's trying to turn me into her -- someone who is can just leave everyone behind that doesn't fit into her picture of perfection... Katie is only a little younger than you so she's out of ht ehouse.  I'm the second chance for both of them... Professor, I just need help to get away from her."  I hoped that he would at least try to help me.  I did not put a lot of hope in that, though, I was sure he would hat eme.

I looked up at her when I heard the tears in your voice.  I felt really bad.  I reached out and put a hand on hers from across the desk.  "Desi, I don't hate you," I said, feeling horrible that she would feel like that.  I stood up and walked around my desk and leaned against it.  "I just don't think that I can help you as much as you think I can," I explained.  I had no idea how to even help her.  I did not know who that person was.  Hope was not my mother anymore.  However, she did make it to my dad's funeral... I was rather surprised by that fact.  So it does not really matter what I say.  I had no say in what her mother did or said to her.  "Desi... I don't know if there is anything that I could do for you... I don't even know that woman."

I sighed, knowing he was right.  I stood up and started to pace.  I stopped and looked at him.  He was so kind... I wish that I would have been with him and John rather than Mum and my dad.  Why did it have to mum that was the connection between us and not John?  I bit my lip to keep the tears from pouring down my face.  "I know... I don't know why I thought you could help.  I'm sorry," I said to him, going to move past him.  I had embarrassed myself far too much today.  I should have known that he would just dismiss me.  There was no point in me trying to build a relationship with him.  The person he hated most in this life was what ocnnected us.  I probably looked just like her to him.

I just wished that Mum would have either told me all of this sooner... or not at all.  I shoudl not have the weight of the burden she carreid with her put onto me because of her cold heart back when Professor Lupin was a child.  I wanted to try to have a relationship with my half-brother... if he would let me.  If he could get me away from people who lied to me like crazy.

I grabbed Desi's shoulder and stopped her. As inappropriate as it may seem, I pulled her into a hug. She was my half-sister after all... apparently. Now that she told me who she really was I felt responsible for her. I did not want that woman to ruin someone else's life. There really was nothing I could do for Desdemona except be there for her. I really had mixed feelings about all of this. But she was family; and if there was anything that my father taught me was that family was so important. I just wish that he were here for me to talk to about this. That was where Chloe fell in, though. And I was so grateful that I had my lovely wife -- especially now that Dad was gone. It had been just me and him against the world for so long... I took a deep breath; I wasn't worried about me right now, I had to focus on Desi.

I held her and arms distance away and saw the tears making tracks down her cheeks. "Desi, though I might not be able to do or say anything once you are home with them, here, however, I can be an ear. I can listen to you, I can try to help you work through things. Sometimes all you need in life is just someone that you can confide in." I took a deep breath and continued, "This is truly odd to me. I am teaching my half-sister, who is only a handful of years older than my son. But now that you came to me, I am not going to let you suffer if there is anything I can do about it, okay?" I was so going to have to get ahold of my wife... how on earth was I going to explain this? When I looked at Desi, I saw more of her mother now than I ever could have imagined. But I guess that made our connection even more strong. As much as I tried to ignore the fact of who my mother was, now she was the one who brought my sister to me. It was just hard to wrap my head around... I hoped that I was putting on a good enough show to her to help comfort Desi before I freaked out on my own time.

I smiled weakly at him.  He was really as good as my mother tried to deny.  "Thank you," I said, feeling so grateful that he was flipping out on me for being her daughter.  It was not my fault who my parents were.  I just wished that, with time, Professor Lupin would come to find me more than just a nuisance and more like a sister.  I pushed my hair away from my face again.  "I am sorry to just spring this on you... but I just thought you had the right to know about me.  I do feel bad, though... it was mainly for selfish reasons that I told you," I explained, feeling like a horrible person.

"Well, it was a completely unexpected surprise," I told her, smiling a little bit at her.  I moved out of her way and more towards my desk in case she wanted to leave now.  I just did not want her to leave if she was upset.  That nevr ended well with any woman to leave while upset.  "If you wanted to talk, I'm all ears," I added, moving to make some tea.  It was the best thing in the world that Chloe introduced me to to help handle any time I was overly stressed -- which was normally during the full moon.  I figured that could be one thing that I would introduce Desi to.

I could not help but chuckle.  I bet it was.  I smiled and sat back down.  "They really did not want me to come to Hogwarts this year... I believe they've tried really hard to keep me from ending up here.  They weren't that bad until this last year... because we moved to where I would be coming here.  And then this summer.. she told me about you.  She was trying to b remorseful.  I don't know if it's true," i said to him, shaking my head.  "But I just... they lied to me my entire life.  An they know I'm upset with them... they tried to keep me on lockdown the rest of the summer because they didn't wnat me to do contact you, I don't htink."

Without asking her if she'd like some, I poured us each a cup of tea when it was ready in a few minutes while she talked.  "Well, I can imagine that Hogwarts gives Hope -- sorry, I stopped calling her mother a long time ago -- flashbacks of what she used to have... and what she left behind."  I sat down across from her and let the aroma of the tea soothe me.  It was difficult to hear about her, but it sounded like that was what Desi needed to talk about, so I was going to listen.  I raised my eyebrows when I heard that she had at least spoken of me.  "She spoke about me?  Sorry, but I find that extremely hard to believe..."  I mean, that woman was terrible.  She did not even want to speak to me when I traveled to give her a second chance at her wedding... she left me to die when I was bitten.  She even tried to convince my father to let me die!  Did I even want to know what she spoke of about me?

I thanked him for the tea, and held it between my hands.  I chuckled slightly, not blaming him one bit for not calling her his mother.  Lately I did not even want to call her that.  I shrugged.  "It's not often, at least not until this past summer.  She told me a lot of what happened.  But I doubt it was everything," I said, taking a sip of what he gave me.  It actually tasted good.  I can't say that I was one for tea.