Wondering if it will work or if I'll land flat on my face -- November 1991

After what Mum had told me happened, I was not sure if Professor Lupin wanted to even know that I existed.  I mean, obviously he knew that I existed.  But that I was his half-sister?  I bit my lip and lingered after class.  Did I really want to do this?  I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard someone clear their throat behind me.  I spun around and nearly knocked over my stack of books.  "Professor Lupin," I said quickly.  "I'm sorry... do you have another class that you need to be getting around for?"

I chuckled and shook my head.  "No, you're fine.  I just figured you had a question about something in class...?" I questioned.  She had been lingering and I wondered if she was too shy to come forward and flat out ask it.  Unless... Merlin, maybe what Chloe teased me about was true.  That the girls all fancied me in some inappropriate way.  I always had to give some detentions...

I laughed slightly and realized how extremely nervous I was.  "Oh, erm, no, it's nothing about class," I rambled.  I pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear.  "I just... I don't know how to even know how to start.  It's just kind of personal..." I had no idea if he would even be willing to talk about something personal.  My hand nervously went to my necklace and held onto it.  It used to be Mum's.  She let me have it when I found it during the summer before my first year of school.  I had wanted something of hers to be with me when I went off to school.

I looked down at the necklace she was fingering and recognized it.  It was the necklace that I had given my mother for her birthday the year before I left.  She had said at Dad's funeral that she had to get home to her family.  I just never thought her family would cross mine, even though it would be half my family.  I looked at Miss Quinn and motioned for her to follow me to my office.

Once inside, I looked at her; I could barely see it, but my mother was there in her features, though her hair and eyes were very unlike my mothers.  "You are Hope's daughter," I said simply, going about to make some tea.

I nearly blanched.  "Erm... what?  How'd you...?" I gaped at Professor Lupin and had an entirely difficult time reading what his expression was.  And then he turned around to start making tea; I was not entirely sure if it was to hide his expression or just to be kind.  I mean, I was pretty sure that he was a kind man in general, so I figured kindness with making tea was nothing too bad.

I turned away from her to busy myself with tea to figure out how to answer without the sadness resonating in my voice.  "The necklace was a gift to her from me," I said to her quietly.  After a deep breath, I turned around and handed her a mug of tea.  I sat down behind my desk and Miss Quinn sat down as well.

I thanked him for the tea and I could not believe that it was something that he had given to her.  "Oh, I'm sorry," I said to him quietly.  "I had found it and she put it on me... letting me wear it constantly."  I was not sure if he was upset about it or what was going on exactly.  I bit my lip, waiting for him to figure out whether or not he was angry.  I slipped the necklace beneath my robes so he would not have to see it.  I was going to try to be as nice as I could.

I shook my head.  "It's nothing to apologize for," I said to her simply.  It had just been a surprise.  "Your marks are quite well for being bounced around."  I took a sip of my black tea and let the strength of it settle within me.  I felt like I would need it for this conversation with my... half-sister.  I never thought I would have much more contact with my mother.  There was just too much between us and after Dad's funeral... there was just nothing else to really say to her.

I was not entirely sure what to say.  "Oh, thank you," I said to him simply.  I bit my lip.  "I just... I was not sure if you would even want to talk to me.  Not with the coldness between you and Mum..."  I was not sure if I was crossing the line or not, but I had to say how I felt.

I looked up from my tea and shook my head slightly.  "Ah, well, you are not our mother," I said to her simply.  "So there would be no coldness between the two of us.  It matters not what she has done to me because you are not her."  Would it be difficult?  I was not going to deny that.  I just was not going to make Desdemona feel uncomfortable because Mother and I had our past.

I nearly choked on the tea that I had been taking a sip of.  I cleared my throat after coughing a little bit.  "Oh, sorry," I said quickly to him.  "I heard you were -erm - kind of great and all... but I didn't expect you to say something so nice."  I felt my cheeks get warm indicating that I was definitely showing how embarrassed I was feeling.  I looked away from Professor Lupin - Remus, my brother - and towards the tea mug that was in my hands on my lap.

Her words peaked my curiosity; who had said such wonderful things about me?  I doubted it was our mother, not with our sorted past.  "I don't see that as greatness... I see that merely as kindness," I said to her honestly.  "Don't always believe what others tell you... I'm not exactly what everyone thinks I am."