The Rescue -- July 1997

I smiled, I did not know if I could go in and see my father connected to wires and things. I couldn't...could I? I smiled to my mum. I had to be strong for them, and I wasn't. As we got taken to dad's room the closer we got the slower I was walking. I started to find it hard to breath. " I don't know if I can see him..." I said honestly. It scared me, I don't want to see him like that. I looked to George and I started deep breathing.

I had gone up to Dean, so relieved that he was okay.  I knew that he could get troublesome when he was upset and didn't know what to do.  When he wrapped his arm around me I saw his swollen hand and tried to suppress a sigh.  Of course he had hurt himself.  But I dind't know if it was when everything was going own or when he was off by himself.  I gave him a kiss on the cheek and let go of him so he could go in with his mum and sister to see Sirius.

"That's okay, sweetie..." I said to Lenni, understanding being unsure of wanting to see him so fragile.  I squeezed their hands and walked in.  I couldn't wait any longer.  I knew if they wanted to, they would follow me in.  I barely made it to the chair next to Sirius's bed.  "Honey," I said, tears pouring down my cheeks as I took his hand and kissed his cheek.  I wasn't sure if he could hear me or not, but I felt like he could.  I leaned on the bed and on the edge of the chair so I could keep my face as close to his as I could without disrupting anything.  "I love you... please be strong... you can't leave me," I whispered through my tears.

When Dean suggested that, I stayed close.  He did not look good at all.  Even Ember and Elena seemed to look better than he did.  I put my arm back around him and hugged him close.  He hugged me back... but he seemed to be trying to comfort me than letting me comfort him.  There was a difference in body language for that.  And I pulled back and looked at him.  I wasn't offended, but I needed to try to see if I could read his eyes or something.  I realized that there was nothing to read... it seemed like he shut down.

I had heard a faint whisper, I know that voice..Ember.......I'm here.....really I am.... I heard her speaking and could tell her voice was wavering. I wished I could get up and help her. I don't remember what happened other than me pushing Dean out of the way. Then this. I took a deep breath in some sort of response.

I sat up and wiped my eyes with my free hand -- my other hand was not going ot be letting go of his any time soon.  I pushed some of his hair away from his face, being careful of his cuts and bruises.  I resisted the urge to cry again while looking at him.  He looked so fragile laying there desite th fact that I knew him to be so strong.  "I love you, baby," I said quietly to him.  I just needed him to wake up... or show me a sign that he was with me... that he was there.

I wanted to sit up and tell her I am fine. That I am okay. Yet my voice jsut wasn't working. Ember!!!....KIDS?! ...I felt myself shouting and it just left me with a headache... I felt something on my hand and told myself repeatedly. Squeeze the hand. Squeeze the hand...I hoped with everything in me that I had squeezed to let them know I am there.

I figured I'd let Mum have her moment with Dad in there and turned to Jetty.  A relieved smile reached my lips.  I had been so worried about him.  I walked over and gave him a big hug.  "Man... was I worried about you," I told him, not really realizing how much so until that moment.  "You are gonna have to tell me what happened..."

I was slightly surprised by the fact that Dean was so happy to see me.  "It all went so quickly... I didn't even realize what happened until I came to.  And by that time I didn't know who else to get a hold of to help you... I knew I'd be too late to warn you and Harry.  Dean, I didn't think it'd end like this.." I said, shaking my head.  I had sent Sirius there.

I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.  "You're alright... so don't worry about it." I looked towards where my dad was laying in a hospital bed.  "It's not your fault, Jetty," I said.

I walked in slowly into my father's room. I started deep breathing. I could barely look at him without crying, it broke me apart seeing him so weak and fragile. I stayed near the door, as I looked at everyone around him. I figured out that when I come back bring my guitar and maybe write him a song. I will write dad a song. I'll play it for him when he wakes up. I smiled slightly, at the thought of my dad waking up. Right now he was brusied and cut up so badly he almost looked unrecognizable.

I looked up when I heard the door open.  I saw Elena and my heart ached.  The look on her face... and there was nothing I could do about it.  I stood up, but kept hold of Sirius's hand.  "Do you want to be alone, Lenni?" I asked.  Part of me understood if she wanted to be... but part of me didn't want to leave my husband even if it was for my daughter.  Did that make me a horrible mother?

I gave a quick smile to my mum. I couldn't ask her for that, no way. " No it's fine mum." I said as I stood at the door just observing all the machines that were connected to my father.

I was relieved and sat back down.  I knew this was hard on the kids... but I wasn't sure if I could be there right now for them.  I knew Sirius needed me.  And I felt like I needed to stay directly by his side or I might lose him.  And I couldn't lose him... I fought back tears again and took a few breaths to steady my thoughts so if Lenni needed me, I could try to be there for her.