Clouds of time seem to rain on innocence left behind and it never goes away -- December 1998

It was over the holiday and I really ought to be at Hogwarts continuing the clean up after the final battle, but I wanted to be home to be with my family -- what I fought for.  Everyone else had meandered into bed and I was cleaning up the house from the gathering we had with everybody.  Lincoln had not spent the entire evening with us, but some of it had been spent with Juniper and her brother's family.  he was now... sort of an uncle.  I was so proud of him.  He was there helping me pick up things despite me telling him to get some rest.  I had a feeling that he had something to get off his chest.  He had seemed odd since over the summer.

"Lincoln, what is it?" I asked him quietly, stoking the embers in the fire only enough to keep a warm glow in the living room as we continued to pick up glasses that were laying about from the Potters and Blacks having been over.

I had spent a lot of the afternoon with Draco, Pansy, the twins, and Juniper.  I did, however, go to my family's gathering once I finished lunch with the Malfoys.  I stayed up and stayed with the Lupins since.  Since being stuck in my old house with Pansy, I had found the documents stating that I was not Genevieve Carrow's biological son, merely the adoptive one.  I remembered my dad giving me those a long time ago... but they had been left behind in that old place.  I had not really gone into everything with Dad or Mum -- yes, I had gotten around to calling Remus and chloe that.  They really were my only parents that mattered anymroe.  However, I was curious on whether or not I could find something on my biological mother's side of the family.  Her last name was Slughorn... and I studied under Horace Slughorn my last year of Hogwarts.

I finished putting some trash in a bag and looked at Dad when he spoke.  "That week during the holiday when I kind of disappeared?" I started out.  "Well, I ended up back in my old house..." Only with Remus Lupin would my voice show what that week did to me there.  It had been teh only place I knew no one would be able to find me or Pansy.  No one would even look for me there.  But everything had rushed back... all the bad... the little bit of good... everything.

I put some more trash into the bags.  I looked at him when he spoke.  "Why would you ever go back there?" I asked him gently.  "You barely speak of the house you grew up in..."  My voice stayed gentle because I understood.  Some people migh thave asked me something like that when I went to my mother's wedding.  but I wanted some sort of closure.  Or something that no longer existed.  Perhaps that was what Lincoln had been looking for.

I shrugged.  "I knew that no one would be able to find me there and I needed to disappear," I answered him honestly.  I sighed and shook my head.  "I guess I forgot how painful those memories were, though.  And I wasn't alone... I had to answer some questions... it was far worse for me there than anything I would have faced had I not been in hiding."

I nodded while he spoke.  "Ah, yes... I understand going somewhere where no one could find you," I said.  If I ever went into hiding... there were a few places I would go that I knew no one would think to look for me because it would be foolish of me to go there or it would never cross their minds.

"And with those painful memories being brought up once more... how are you holding up?" I inquired, figuring that he wanted to talk about what those were since he had opened up about being there.

I shrugged and looked at Remus.  "I mean... it's been kind of rough.  I found something, though, that I had completely forgot about," I said slowly. "I mean, I knew I wasn't biologically a Carrow... but I never remembered what other family I belonged to."  I pulled the papers out of my robes and handed them over to Remus.  "Those are a bit faded, but that's what my father gave to me the night he died."

I took the paperwork that Lincoln handed to me and read them over a bit.  "Ah," I said, realizing what Lincoln was getting at.  "And are you going to look for your biological family?"

I shrugged, feeling kind of uncomfortable talking about it to my adoptive dad.  "I think I want to... but I don't know," I said to Remus honestly.  "I was just wondering... do you think that the Slughorn that's my mother is related to Professor Slughorn?"

I smiled kindly at Lincoln.  "You need to do what is best for you," I said to Lincoln simply.  "You are allowed to think of yourself when it comes to this.  No one will think any differently of you for any of it, either."  I could tell that he was wary of speaking about this to me.  I had a feeling it was because we were his family now and he did not want to offend us.

I took a drink and sighed.  "Well, Slughorn isn't that popular of a name anymore," I mused.  "You could always owl Slughorn and see if he responds... and if he doesn't, I can always reach out to him.  Seeing as there is a reputation between the two of us with being professors and whatnot."

I was relieved when Remus reacted that way.  "You'd do that?" I asked in disbelief.  The way the Lupins treated me always stunned me.  I never thought I could have people that actually cared about my well-being and would help me along my path.  "I think I'm going to have to try to contact him... I mean, it's worth a shot, yea?"

I chuckled slightly.  "I am sure you already had your mind made up," I said to Lincoln honestly, "but sometimes you just need to know you have support, yea?"  I knew what it was like to know what one wanted to do, but being fearful of actually doing it because one might end up alone.