Loneliness makes one do unimaginable things -- 1992

I was not entirely sure how to convince Ember to talk to me again.  I knew her schedule -- it was one way we were able to just pop in on each other.  Okay, I popped in on her more often than she did with me, but still.  I had a little bit of a potion in my pocket and I knew that this was a bad idea.  But I had to try.  Just to get her to calm down enough to let me show her how much someone cared for her.  I knew it was twisted at first, but in the end she would understand.  Or she would hate me.  I just had to bet on her understanding why I was doing it.

The kids were at Hogwarts -- it was so odd without even Elena at home.  Yes, things have been tense because of everything, but I still loved them and missed them.  I was coming home from a pub that Tobi and I met in to catch up and sort of celebrating the fact we were on our own.  I pulled my leather jacket around myself.  Yes, I had gotten into something a little cute to meet up with her.  I hardly did such things for myself anymore. 

My long black hair was pulled back into a simple pony tail, I was wearing tight jeans, a royal blue halter top, and my form fitting leather jacket that Sirius had gotten me when we were first starting to ride his bike together.  A smile came onto my lips while I walked because of the memories with it.  And the fact that I was surprised that it still fit me.  My heeled boots clicked on the sidewalk as I walked quickly to the correct block to get back to Grimmauld Place.  I stopped and looked around.  I felt like there was someone behind me.  I bit my lip and continued walking and that was when I nearly walked right into someone -- Jeremy.

I wanted to scream -- out of surprise, fear, and anger.  I crossed my arms over my chest and I glared at him.  "What the bloody hell, Jeremy?" I said to him, though I was slightly relieved it was just him.  I could handle myself, yes, but I did get worried when something made me feel uneasy.

She looked so beautiful -- and those jeans hugged her curves nicely.  I had cut her off and grabbed onto her shoulders to keep her from smacking me.  That was always Ember's number one reaction.  "Ems, please, just listen to me.  I wanted to apologize for before.  I was rash and reckless... let me prove it to you," I said to her.

I had gone up to slap him, but he stopped me.  Of course I knew that he would have found me.  He was hardly ever anywhere by surprise.  "Let me go, Jeremy," I warned him.  "I'm not listening to you.  I know what you want -- and I'm married!  Just leave me be, yeah?"

I let go of her, but kept pace with her as she started to walk away from me.  "Ems, listen, please.  Let me explain," I said to her, pleading.  I did not want to use what I had... but I would.  I just did not want her to dismiss me like this.

I started to walk away from him and he just kept following me.  "You are in dangerous waters, Taylor," I snapped at him.  "I don't want to talk to you.  You nearly ruined my life!  Stay away from me."

I had no idea if her life was ever really ruined by a couple of months ago, but I could nto get her off my mind.  I had to do something.  "Ember, I just want to figure something out, though.  Please... I've found that I've fallen back in love with you," I said to her, surprised to see that she stopped.  It hurt, though, when she turned around and had tears in her eyes.  "Ems, isn't it time for you to have someone who loves you again?  Who can actually be here for you instead of in Azkaban?"

I wanted to shut him up before he said it, but I did not get the chance to.  I stopped walking and were tears in my eyes.  "Don't say that," I said to him.  Had I been confused?  Definitely.  But my heart belonged to Sirius; it always had and always would.  "You're just lonely.  There's a big difference.  And I will not pay the price to get rid of the lonely ache."  I was not going to do this. 

I took a deep breath and started back towards the roads I wanted to get back home.  I was feeling less and less secure and a bit more of hte feeling that I had not felt in a long time.  It made me really worried and uneasy.  I did not trust Jeremy at all.  Nor did I like how quiet these streets were.  All I heard was our whispered voices and our footsteps.

I sighed with exasperation.  How could I convince her without any issue?  There was not.  I had a feeling about that one.  "I'm not the lonely one, Ember," I said, catching up to her when she started walking again.  We were nearly to Grimmauld Place and I needed to make my move before we got there. 

"You liked it -- that kiss.  I could feel it.  And then your head got in your way.  Just listen to your heart, Ember.  You can feel this, too, I know it."  I grabbed her hand, but did not let it go and turned her around.  I cupped the bottom of her chin and pulled her into a kiss.  I put my other hand on the small of her back to keep her from pulling away.  I kissed her passionately, even though she was fighting me.  "Ems... just go with it," I breathed against her lips.

How dare he?  I tried to get away from him, but he kept... violating my mouth.  I could not find any true way to get him away from me, so I brought my knee up and contacted with him.  He managed to let me go and I turned away from him, digging into my purse for my wand.  And that was when blackness surrounded me.

I waved my wand to sort of freeze Ember and I was able to get the potion into her mouth.  I caught her before she fell and waited until she came back to.  And she did, but she was not very coherent.  Hopefully if someone wondered, they would think she was just drunk.

We got into Grimmauld Place and Ember started to lean on me quite a bit.  I took her to her bedroom.  "Ems?  Can you pay attention?  Will you listen?"  I asked her.

She nodded her head, though she still looked dreamy eyed.  And that was when I poured my heart out to her.  Every time I told her that I loved her, she shook her head at me.  I was just not getting through to her... or it simply did not matter.  I leaned forward and I kissed her, pullling her closer to me, sliding my hand up her shirt.  Ember pushed me away -- well, tried to.

When she resisted, I got angry.  I hit her.  I am not proud of htat fact.  But then I forced her down and made her stay still as I kissed and groped her body.  She still fought, but I could tell she was tiring.  I stripped off her top layers and her bra, still groping hungrily at her while she pulled away and fought weakly against me.  When I kissed her mouth and then her cheek, I tasted salt from her tears.  And that was what got me to stop.  I pulled away and I could see marks all over her and a welt that was starting to swell around her one eye.

I stood up and I ran otu of there... just leaving her.

When I came to, I was laying mostly naked on top of my bed.  I sat up, having a splitting headache.  I reached around and did not feel any shirt that I would have tossed off as if I had gotten hot... and then everything came crashing back into my mind.  I gasped and stood, finding a robe and slipping it on.  What happened?  I remembered only a little.

I wnet into the bathroom that was adjoined to the master bedroom and gasped at my face.  I already had a black eye.  I opened the robe and looked at myself.  There was some bruising, some scratch marks from nails, but my panties were still on.  That was a good sign, right?  I felt tears well up in my eyes and I looked away from the mirror before I could see them fall from my eyes.

Turning on the shower, I stripped the rest of the way and stood beneath the hot water for what felt like an hour.  I stepped out and dried off gingerly, taking a better look at myself.  Thankfully there was nothing else besides the bruises and scratch marks.  I was not entirely sure what to do.  Well, for one, I needed to get dressed and have dignity.  I did not have my brother or husband to help me through whatever had happened.  And, after the way Remus came down on me before waiting for an explanation and going off of an eleven year old's word, I was not going to go him.  As I pulled on undergarments and a pair of jeans, I thought about Chloe.  I could trust her... but I had not really spoken to her after I spoke with Remus.  I just did not want to be put as the bad guy without being able to fight my side like I had with Remus.  So, no, I would not go to her.

Slipping a Rolling Stones t-shirt over my head -- a gift from Lily that was actually for Sirius years ago that I had stolen once we were married -- I grabbed my wand and sent word to October.  She would at least listen to me.  While I waited for her to arrive, I brushed my teeth and made sure the tears I shed were no longer visible in any streaks on my face or redness in my eyes.  I needed to have some poise with this.  I did not bother to try to cover anything up with makeup, so I just grabbed a hair band and pulled my hair into a low, loose ponytail.

It was about that time that I heard the fireplace meaning that my best mate was there.  I took a shaky breath and went down to the kitchen.  She looked lovely in her jeans and t-shirt as well.. but that was just Tobi.  She was always gorgeous without trying.  I smiled at her, feeling my eyes get a little watery, but fighting it back.  "Tobi," I said to her.  Th elook on her face told me that I really did look as bad as what I thought I did.  She gave me a hug.  "Thanks for getting over here so early..."

I had just finished putting on some light makeup for the day when I got Ember's patronus.  She did not have it worded urgently per se, but I knew my mate.  I grabbed my bag and gave Michael a quick kiss without an explanation and Flooed to Grimmauld Place.  I turned around and saw Ember when she said my name and I gasped slgihtly, covering it up quickly.  Where the bloody hell did she get a black eye? 

I went to her and hugged her tightly, but carefully as I had no idea what happened.  "Honey, please.  You knew I'd be here straight away no matter what," I said to her.  I pulled out my wand and waved it, getting tea ready.  I pulled her and sat her down.  "What happened?" i asked, brushing loose hair away from her hurt eye gingerly.

I sat down with Tobi and shook my head.  "I'm not entirely sure," I said to October honestly.  "I mean, I was walking home and then Jeremy came into the picture -- I think eh was stalking me or something."  I shuddered.  "And we argued... but then... I woke up like this.  I-I don't know what all happened Tobi!"  The tears started to fall and my friend hugged me.  I hated this.  I wasnot a bloody victim.  I was too old for this nonsense.  And I was alone this time.  Well, I had Tobi.  So I was not entirely alone... but still.  I needed to be stronger than this.

I gotup to manage the tea and poured it into cups for us.  I sat back down and looked at her, putting a hand on my mate's arm.  "Let's take this one step at a time.  I'm going to need details so I can help work through this with you, okay?" I said to her.  I did not want her to think that I was just prying.

When Ember nodded, I looked at her and took a deep breath.  "How did you wake up?  Were you clothed...?  Naked?"