Good or Bad -- June 1981

Tobi had instructed me to come visit her at a coffee shoppe near where she lived. Sirius was taking the babysitter shift so I could come out and see her. She seemed kind of worried in the owl she sent so I had to drop everything. That was just how our relationship worked. I looked up at the clock and saw that she was running a little late. Which was no biggie, but I was kind of worried with how she wrote of course.

I entered the coffee shoppe and saw Ember. "Hey, I'm sorry I'm late... the Healer kept me a little longer than I thought," I said, a little out of breath for rushing over. I sat down and smiled at my best friend. "So... I have something important to tell you. But you have to keep it quiet... of course you can tell Sirius if you want, but I dont' want a big ordeal out of it."

I eyed her suspiciously. "Okay... what's going on? Are you adn Peter fighting?" I asked, concerned. As much of an odd couple they made, Tobi seemed genuinely happy on most days. Others, I felt like she was lying through her teeth just to make it through the day. I could never understand why a girl like Tobi hadn't opted to have a nice big wedding where she was in a beautiful wedding dress... they had gotten married in a quiet ceremony without even inviting me. It had been really strange. But I accepted it now, though, because she was happy.

I laughed a little bit. "No, not really," I said. We had been stressed lately. Peter's dual role was killing him... Sadly, though, I think I knew where his true loyalties lied and it didn't seem that great. Of course, he never talked to me about anything like that. I had to find out he was James' secret keeper through Ember and that concerned me greatly. But I could hardly say a word. I knew what hung over my head. I just hoped their friendship would outweigh the influence from the Dark Lord.

"Actually, Ember, Jada is going to have a younger sibling," I said with a smile on my face. I really hadn't wanted to get pregnant; especially not in this time. It was horrible out there... everyone was in fear. I couldn't believe that Sirius let Ember come here, to be quite honest. But I was having a baby. One that I didnt' need to have. I loved jada with all my heart, but the circumstances just weren't what they should have been. But she saved my life. That was all she needed to know.

I nearly choked on the latte I was drinking. "Tobi!" I exclaimed. "Are you serious? Why didn't you have me come to the Healer's with you? We went with both of our kids already. It was a tradition!" I smacked her playfully. Then I saw that there was something behind the joy she was showing to me. "Why don't you want to make a fuss about it?" I put my hand on hers. "Do you think that what you had before might make you lose the baby or something? He said your other pregnancy had fixed everything..."

I sighed. "It's not necessarily that, but I have thought of it. It's just that... it's so horrible out in the world right now. How can I have a baby with the way things are? It seems impossible. I know the Order is working to stop him... but I don't know how much more of this anyone can take," I said looking outside.

I looked at her. "But you can't avoid life just because of what's going on. You have tot ry... and just think, the baby will have a great mum, a great sister, and a great auntie emmy - as Jada loves callign me. You also have a husband who willb e more than willing to help you this time around," I added with a smile.

I laughed. "You are right about that... it's just that... I'm so worried about things that have been going on at home lately, I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell Peter," I said. He had been acting very strange lately... and it might just be the stress of being Secret Keeper but I knew better. His loyalties were finally catching up to him, I think.

I raised my eyebrows at her.  "Why dont' you want to tell Peter?  Won't he be happy?  Or do you think he'll get all protective and not let you do anything...?" I asked.  I could easily see where that could be the case.

I nodded, thinking that would be the best route to go.  "Exactly," I said, shaking my head slightly.  "I do believe that he'd get over protective... kind of like he should, though.  It'd be understandable, but you know... we don't exactly like being treated like we're easily broken or something."  I knew that Ember would understand what I was saying.

I chuckled slightly, though I was keeping it on the quieter side because of the times.  "Oh yes, I understand that completely," I assured her, automatically thinking of my husband.  "It gets rather ridiculous sometimes..."

I smiled a little bit and nodded.  "It's not bad all the time... but sometimes..." I trailed off.  It was nice to know that the guys were protective of us, but Peter's protectiveness was just to hide his secrets more than for my protection compared to Sirius and Ember.

I furrowed my brow slighlty.  I put a hand on Tobi's arm.  "Hey... is everything alright here?" I asked, knowing that October would just get a little frustrated with me.  "You just seem off... I'm sorry... it's none of my business... but I'm just worried."

I smiled and shrugged at her.  "Ember, it's just what's going on around us," I assured her.  I really wished I could tell her everything I could -- to stay away from Peter.  But then I thought of Jada and now my unborn baby.  They needed me to be strong for them.

I nodded at her.  "Yeah... it's hard to have these normal feelings with everything going on," I agreed.  Being happy about being pregnant?  It just seemed like such a foreign concept.