Betrayal Shouldn't Surprise Me -- November 1981

I had heard about James and Lily and I couldn't believe it.  I knew exactly who had done what.  And I also knew that Voldemort was gone.  I didn't have to be threatened into silence anymore.  I thought that the man I had married would be better than any other Death Eater.  I knew the better side of him; his friends knew the better side of him.  But I was done.  I had already gotten things going to be rid of Peter.  It broke my heart, but I needed to think about my kids.  I already packed his bags and had sent Jada to bed and Jetty was in his crib.  I paced by the door waiting for Peter to dare to enter.

I had no idea what to do. I had no way to have known this would happen to the Dark Lord. At least I got James and LIly, but my plan is all messed up now with his demise. I knew Moony and Padfoot were going to hunt me down. So my plan with Prongs was just all messed up. I really only wanted to save James... but Lily was saved so I needed to deal with her. I wasn't a murderer. I walked in the house and saw a very angry Tobi. "Honey, what's wrong?" I questioned, never really seeing her this angry before.

I stopped pacing and glared at him.  He wasn't serious, was he?  The look on hi face told me he was.  "Peter, what did you do?" I asked, running my hand through my hair.  "They were your friends!  How could you do that?!" I couldn't believe what he did.

I sighed and I just saw the things by the door. "What are you doing?" I asked, slightly appalled by what I was seeing. Didn't we have a real connection? A real relationship?

I tossed the papers at him.  "Well, you've done nothing but put us in harms way -- even before we were married you let them threaten my daughter!"  I crossed my arms in front of me.  "I thought you were different.  I saw your good side -- so did James!  And you betrayed him!"  I had tears in my eyes because of everything.  My best friend lost her brother and sister because of this monster standing in front of me!

I couldn't believe it. Everything we've been trhough? I sighed. Perhaps this was for the best. I could maybe disappear... but for Jetty. My little boy was just one year old. I should fight for him... but I was always a selfish person. I could go into hiding and show myself to him later in life. "Tobi... I don't know what to say," I told her, reaching for her hand.

I didn't even let him get close to me.  "Fill out your part and leave.  Don't even try to get near us.  If I decide you can get close to Jetty, I will let you know," I told him a little snidely.  There was no reason for me to deal with his bull with no threat to my children.  I was finished with him.

I could -- almost -- not believe this. I didn't even fight it. "Tobi, I really did love you despite everything," I said to her. This would probably be easier to do what I needed to do anyways. I was thankful that I did have an escape plan that I could use if everyone I loved didn't feel the same way about me... which was clearly what was happening.

I made sure he filled out everything.  I would send the papers in right away and be free of this monster by tomorrow night.  I took the papers from him and left him standing in the doorway with his things.  I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine and listened as he removed all of his items.  When I heard the door close for the last time -- and only then -- did I let myself break down.  I slid to the floor and let the tears roll.  I sent my owl to Ember to let her know what had happened and to apologize over and over again about it.  I felt so horrible.  That family didn't deserve that... and I felt even worse realizing that I may have been able to prevent it somehow... but I didn't know the whole plan.  Only the fact that Peter wanted to get James and Lily to Voldemort's side.  Nothing about death and murder and when it would happen.  I had let Ember know what I did know... but if only I had asked more details.  maybe we could have saved them.

Lenni was asleep and I was dealing with a fussy one-year-old, Dean. I knew he was feeding off of the way I was feeling... but I just needed him to go to sleep. Sirius was gone again... I had no idea what he was doing; but I feared it had something to do with hunting down Peter. I wondered if he had gotten Remus involved and I hoped not. They had enough to worry about, too. And I wished Sirius would just let the Aurors deal with it. I knew that Peter had to have betrayed my brother and sister. And yes, I wanted him to pay. But I wasn't going to be able to live without a husband, too. I saw an owl at the window and rushed over to it. I thought perhaps it would be Sirius when I realized it was Tobi's owl, Tawny. I took the letter and read it over quickly. It sounded like we both needed some company right now. I got the kids around -- being careful not to wake Lenni -- and arrived at Tobi's place probably a half an hour later. It was eerily quiet there and I felt conspicuous for coming with Dean being so fussy.

I heard Ember and Dean in the other room.  I was sure she had Lenni, too... I just didn't hear the youngest.  I wiped my eyes and went out to the living room where I saw Ember trying to get things situated.  I rushed over and took Dean from her.  "Here... I can put him in Jetty's playpen," I suggested.  It was filled iwth some toys and that way if he got tired, he could just crash in there.  Lenni was asleep in a little travel seat and I offered to put her upstairs with Jada.  Once we got the kids situated I hugged my best friend tightly.  I don't know how long we stayed like that, but we were both crying and neither one of us needed to say a word.

I finally pulled away from Tobi and we both sat down with a glass of wine in our hands. "Tobi... what happened?" I asked. It was nice to talk about something else for the time being. I was worrying about Sirius so much and thinking about what had happened... I needed to get my mind off of it the best that I could anyways.

I sighed.  "To understand everything... I have to start from the beginning," I explained.  And so I did.  I told her how they threatened Jada so I had to help Peter keep his cover.  I explained how that I saw Peter as a good guy... the way that the marauders had to have seen him.  I thought he was going to not do certain things -- especially after Jetty.  Then I told her about how Peter seemed to be getting more and more distant.  "Em... I could feel that I was losing him.  No, I don't think that I really truly loved him the way that I have loved someone in the past.  But I did care for him.  And I could feel him slipping into the depths of their grasp," I said.  Filling our glasses, I continued on with the story.  Ember was always such a good listener... gasping in the right moments -- not asking too many questions until the end.  "And then when this happened... I knew it was him.  I knew he had betrayed his best friends.  I waited a week or so... I needed to get the papers and everything taken care of.  Tonight I kicked him out and made him sign his end.  By the end of tomorrow I will no longer have a husband.  I just wish that I would've known the extremes Peter was goign to take it to... I could've warned you and them.  Em, I'm so sorry."

I couldn't believe it. I had never realized what Tobi had been going through. "Tobi... it's not your fault what happened. It's really just Peter's. He had a choice... I can't believe he did this to James... James was always so kind to him. Making sure he was protected at school and stuff. Hell, he had been in James and lily's wedding!" I shook my head and took another drink to keep tears from my eyes. "you should have tol dme everything, Tobi. We could have helped you!"

I sighed and shook my head.  "But I was so afraid for Jada's sake, Ember," I explained, knowing how real that fear was up until just a week or so ago.  "And that never changed... not for as long as I was with Peter.  Everything that has happened has been so horrible... but I can't help but feel a little hopeful.  I am finally free, Em."  I knew it was foolish to be hopeful right now with everything that was going on, but I couldn't help it.  The world coulnd' thelp it... Voldemort was horrible and he as finally gone.  I just wish that it didn't have to be because of two wonderful people.