Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone -- February 2019

I had not seen Quinn since the funeral of her parents.  She did not want to talk to anyone it seemed.  I went to Shell Cottage because that was where she was last staying... and, as far as I knew, still was residing there for the time being.  Dora pointed me towards the room where Quinn was and I knocked lightly on the door.  I knew they were all worried about her.  "Quinn?" I said quietly, opening teh door a crack.  I was not going to just intrude and barge in -- even if I was worried about her.

I had not eaten much since my parents were murdered.  I did not care to see anyone, either.  All I was focusing on was trying to find the bloody Dark Star and go after him.  Of course, I was coming up blank on that front as well.  First it was Aunt Chloe... and then Uncle Remus... and now my parents?  When was it going to end?  We needed to do something before he went after Lucy or Will or the rest of the Lupin family...

There was a knock on my door and I closed my closet door quickly -- that was where I was hiding my research.  I turned quickly and saw Noah standing awkwardly.  I had my hair in a loose, messy bun.  Naturally, since it was February, I was also in sweats, though I was wearing a t-shirt.  My bedroom was warm.  I knew I looked like hell.  My eyes were constantly red from tears, whether shed or unshed depended on the day.  I was sure that I had lost some weight, but I did not care.  I could not sleep and when I did, I had horrible nightmares.  Everyone said things would get easier, but they were not there when it happened.  They did not know exactly when my dad died; they did not see the life get choked out of my mother.

I took a deep breath and attempted a smile at Noah.  "Yea?" I said, knowing that I should at least attempt to socialize.  The more I did, though, the more people tried to help me.  I did not want help right now.

I had glimpsed something in the closet Quinn was using at her aunt and uncle's house... which I guessed was technically her room now.  "Hey... can I come in?  I was thinking that we could maybe grab a bite to eat?" I suggested.  I had not seen her a lot lately.  I missed my girl.  I knew that she was going through an unspeakable loss... but I wanted to try to get her out of the funk and to start moving on -- it was what they would have wanted, right?  Everyone was really worried about her.  It made sense that I would be the one to try tohelp out the most.  I loved this girl whether she believed I did or not.

I moved to let him inside the room at least.  I shrugged and sat down on my bed.  Now that he was there, I could not focus on my plan or revenge.  And that was when the sadness leaked in... well, more like poured in like a bloody dam breaking.  I swallowed, feeling my throat get tight and tears starting to burn my eyes.  I was tired of crying.  that was why I started to hunt the Dark Star down.  I pulled my covers over me because it was cozy beneath them.  

I moved some so Noah could join me beneath them.  When he kicked off his shoes, he sat down and let me throw the quilt over top of him.  It was the quilt that I had been able to salvage from my parents' bedroom.  It made me feel like I was close to them still.  I leaned my head onto his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me.  "I'm not really hungry," I said to him quietly.

She looked like she lost weight; she had to be starving.  I knew that she had hardly eaten because her aunt and uncle told me they hardly saw her and Sidney was rather worried.  I put my arm around her and kissed her forehead.  "Quinn... you feel like skin and bones," I said to her softly.  "Can you please try to eat something?"  I knew it would make everyone feel better, but probably not Quinn.

I stared at Noah and sighed.  "they sent you up here, didn't they?" I questioned, speaking of my auntie and uncle.  I knew I was scaring them... but they did not realize what I saw... what I heard... how could I sleep?  Why would I want to eat when I felt miserable? 

the tears started to come in my eyes again and I was tired of crying.  I took a deep breath.  "Okay, fine," I said to him, knowing what he was going to say.  they were worried and all of that jazz.  I sighed again.  "I don't think it'll be big... how about a smoothie?"  I automatically thought of the ones dad and Mum would make me while I was going through chemo.  I hated those things... but I loved them at the same time.

I nodded, knowing that Quinn was not going to see through our motives.  "Thank you," I said to her gently, giving her a kiss on the cheek.  "A smoothie is a good start.  Do you want me to bring it up to you?"  I was not sure how far Quinn was willing to go with any of this.

I could see the worry on Noah's face and I was sure that it was how everyone was going to be looking at me.  "I can go down and face everyone," I told him softly.  I was not entirely sure if I wanted to, but I had to at one point.  I was sure that was what their goal was.

I stared at Quinn.  "You know that's not the reason I'm here," I said to her quietly.  "It's not to force you to do anything you do want to do -- but to try to get you to at least take care of yourself."

I felt bad for accusing Noah of doing more than just helping.   I sighed.  "I know," I said to him, returning to the bed and snuggling up next to him.  "I just don't even know how to be around people after what I saw... what I heard that night."

I held Quinn closely.  She had not really spoken to me about what had happened.  "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" I assured her, not wanting her to deal with any of this on her own.

I pulled away slightly and looked at my boyfriend.  "I know," I said to him quietly.  I shook my head as I spoke, though.  "I just... no one needs to know what happened aside from the fact that my parents saved my life.  It's just -- I knew the instant they were killed and it breaks my heart."  I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I closed my eyes, letting Noah pull me close to him.  I would not say more, but that was the most I had opened up about what I had seen or heard to anybody.