When your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces and your breath comes crashing in

Everything was completed with the funeral and we were cleaning up at our house.  Dora was in the kitchen, the kids were trying to help but they were mostly trying to keep each other upbeat and whatnot.  I was fine with that.  I started putting some things in a box that we had set out, but it hurt too much to keep them out.  That was when I realized that Dora had put out the picture of me with Desi and CHarlie on their wedding day in a double frame with me standing with them while they brought Quinn home.  I put it into the box and went to put it away in the bedroom.  I sat down on the bed and took that frame out, looking down at them.  How happy we all were.  I love them.  I loved them so much.  And Charlie... we were always together.  I set teh fram down and picked up from my end table by the bed the sweater mum made for both me and Charlie when we became Quidditch captains.... and this was Charlie's.  I ended up laying down on my bed and held onto the sweater as the waves of emotions crashed onto me.  I could not hold it back any longer.

I had just finished handling the dishes when I saw the kids talking to each other. I smiled briefly at them, walking to the bedroom to put on a sweater I heard something muffled, I pushed the door open slowly as I saw my husband on the bed as I held a hand to my chest. I was wondering when this would happen, taking a peek to the kids. Everyone was occupied, I don't want him to be seen if he was trying to keep himself hidden.

I moved swiftly to his side as I sat down on the bed putting my arm around him and just being there. I was waiting for this. It's something he's needed to do. Mind you, I have tried to keep me getting upset away from him to avoid any extra strain on his emotions. I pulled him close, as I started to sway slightly. Just letting his emotions take over. I looked to see what made him lose control as he would put it. The picture of them at the hospital. Smiling slightly as I remembered taking the photo. He was so happy to be named Godfather. I lightly started humming it was just instinct. I couldn't help myself.

I did not really realize that Dora had come in straight away.  I leaned into her, sobbing like a child.  I did not have my best mate to be with me when something happened.  I always went to Charlie with things straight away.  It was how we worked.  And then there was Desi... she was such a sweetheart.  "They're gone... really gone..." I said to her as if she had no idea.

I hugged him tighter, nodding lightly. " I know sweet heart..." I said quietly. It was breaking my heart to know my best friend is gone. Really gone. I needed to be strong he has held this in for to long. Mr. Weasley hasn't broken down yet from what I know. Molly is worried about him. He is more than likely doing something like this and doesn't know how or when. I wish I could take the pain away for him. This is the best thing for him. " Hon, I'm just going to get you some water okay?" I let him know as my grip from him loosened to get it. I didn't want him to get sick.

I shuddered slightly as a sob escaped.  I nodded and wiped my face free of tears with my hands.  "The kids okay?" I managed to ask.  That was basically me seeing if they were occupied.  I did not want them to see their dad or uncle break down like this; not when they needed me to be strong for them... especially Quinn.  She had been living here with us for the past week or so -- since it happened.

I came back with the glass of water, " Yes, they're okay....Sid just went outside and the kids are just playing snap." I explained. " Just focus on you for now okay? " I wanted to wipe the pain away, I knew this needed to be done. I gave him a glass of water, getting myself readjusted on the couch. I had him sit up a little so it was safe for drinking water.

I took a sip, but my hands were shaking so badly that I set the glass on the end table.  More tears started to fall and I covered my face with my hands.  I hated breaking down... I knew there was no choice in this matter, though.  It was my family.  I was not going to let this happen to anyone else in the family or the Lupin family.  No one would be able to handle anymore loss.  Everyone was so involved in each others lives... I looked over at Dora.  "He's not getting away with this," I said thickly.  I wished I sounded stronger, but I could not muster that strength right now.

I nodded, " I know he's not." I told him as I gave him a small smile. I had some ideas as to what was going through Bill's mind. I knew once he put his mind to something, he'd find the answers. I was tired of having so much happening that tears us all apart.

I knew I was jumping through different stages of grief like crazy, but I had to do something.  And letting my mind go a bit wild with this idea, it was better than sitting there bawling my eyes out.  Charlie and Desi were both people of action.  I looked at Dora.  "I'll get the Order back together... I'll get him.  I promise you that.  I will get him," I said.  My voice had become less thick and more dark as I was getting my emotions a little more in check.

While the others were playing snap I went outside with my guitar. I started strumming as I was trying to write a song. Something to honour uncle Charlie and aunt Desi. I didn't want to make Quinn more upset. I sat down with Remi beside me. " I hope they like it.." I said to him as he lay down watching me as I started to strum lightly.

There's things I been meaning to tell you
there's things that I just got to say
So let’s go for a walk,
somewhere quiet to talk,
maybe you’ll see it my way.

I felt for a while we’ve been drifting,
with no reason to stay or to go.
But I hope that whatever wind blew us together,
is stronger than we even know.

So walk me over this bridge,
the river’s so deep and so wide.
Just walk me over the bridge, my darling,
we’ll get to the other side.

There’s times I know you inside and outside,
there’s times I don’t know you at all.
But whatever we go through,
I’ll be here loving you,
even times when you don’t hear me call.

I know what we have is worth having,
And I know what’s ahead is worth more.
So let’s go for a walk,
somewhere quiet to talk,
we’ll see just what life’s got in store.

So walk me over this bridge,
river so deep and so wide.
Just walk me over the bridge, my darling.
Please be my place to hide.

Walk me over this bridge,
river so deep and so wide.
Just walk me over the bridge, my darling…
We’ll get to the other… side
 

I finished the song as I looked off with tears in my eyes. Looking to Remi, " Well.....work on it more?" I asked him as he lie over on his side. Wiping my eyes, I strummed lightly as I continued to hum the melody.

Rosalynn and I were inside trying to play some exploding snap, but she was beating me every time.  Yeah, we no longer lived at home, but we thought it best to stay there for a little while... try to help Mumsy and Dad.  And Sidney.  We just did not know what to do with anything.  What would be best?  I looked at Ros and sat back in the chair.  "I think I'll make some lunch for everyone..." I said to my twin, getting up.  I would at least put stuff into a pot to get some chili started.  Some good old comfort food.  It was really cold outside, so it worked well.  "Will you help chop some tomatoes?" I asked, knowing that my sister would grab the vegetables for the chili.

I had seen Sidney go outside.  I wanted to see if she was okay.  I pulled my cloak around me and knew that I needed the air a little bit, too, anyways.  I ignored Seth and Ros in the kitchen speaking quietly and went out the backdoor.  I had heard Sidney singing and I stopped, not wanting ot disturb her.  When she finished, I was sure that I had a few tears frozen to my cheeks. 

"Sid..." I said to her, announcing my presence to her as I took a few steps forward to get a bit closer to my cousin.

When Seth suggested making lunch, I thought that a wise idea.  I started to grab the tomatoes, onions, and just one pepper to add some zing to it.  I started to chop the tomatoes into pieces before dicing up the onions.  "You know... it's been a bit since the funeral," I started out quietly, "I think it would be a good idea to try to do something.  A family outing or something?  I Just think something needs to happen to help us get past the pain and to start healing."

I pat Remi as his attention went behind me I turned to see what he was looking to as he got up and greeted Quinn. Wiping my eyes with my free hand, " Oh I'm sorry Quinn." I said with a small smile. Moving my guitar out of her way as I freed out a spot for her to sit.

I attempted to give Sidney a smile.  "You don't need to apologize," I said to her quietly.  "I was just wanting to see if you were alright."