Wither in Denial -- Christmas 2017

The kids were home for the holiday vacation.  This was the first Christmas holiday without Addison.  I knew that the boys were having a hard time with the fact that I was starting to find solace in Juilet.  I agreed, to a point, that it was really soon.  But on the other hand, the last few years of our marriage were not great.  We argued a lot.  We tried not to when the kids were around.  But it felt like I lost my wife if not the summer before her death, a couple of years beforehand with the way we were.  I walked back to the bedroom where Ryan shared with Tommy now.

I knocked on the door and heard permission to enter.  The boys seemed in good spirits, but I knew that would change for all three kids when it got closer to the actual holiday.  "Tommy, can you give us a minute?" I asked, wanting to speak to Ryan alone.

I looked between father and son and nodded.  "Of course," I said, putting down teh jumper I had been unpacking.  "See you in a bit."  I was sure that RJ would probably need to tlk after this.

I smiled at Tommy when he left and looked at Dad.  "What?" I asked.  I did not want to hate him like I did with Mum for years and regret it.  But his new relationship really bothered me.

I should have expected his tone.  I sat on Tommy's bed and looked at my youngest.  "How are you holding up?" I asked, wanting to start somewhere.

I stopped unpacking for a moment, a pair of jeans in my hands.  "I'm fine, I guess," I said, having a feeling I knew where this was going.

I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and my hands folded.  "Tell me the truth.  I know by that look that you're waiting to explode," I said calmly.  I knew that look all too well.  "Talk to me, Ryan."

I sighed heavily, putting the jeans away before sitting down on my bed to look at Dad.  "She's not coming to our family Christmas is she?" I asked, speaking of Finn.  That would just be weird and I did not like her as part of the family.  She was my professor.

I knew it would have something to do with that.  "She wn't be here for our small family Christmas brunch," I said.  That would be hard for them.  "But I was going to see if she would like to do the big Christmas party with all the Lupins, Potters, and Blacks."

At least I could avoid her there.  "I guess that's fine," I said, standing back up to finish unpacking.

"What is it that bothers you so much about this?" I asked, not letting my son off the hook.  I wanted to understand everything Ryan was thinking.

Did he really not know?  I sighed.  "She's my teacher for one," I said, my voice rising.  "And... it's not even a year yet!  How can you be replacing Mum already?"

There it was.  I figured that was the issue.  "Ryan," I said calmly, "I'm not replacing her.  Your mum and I weren't really... together for awhile before she died."  I tried not to hide everything from the kids since they were getting older, but Ryan and Stan were still only fifteen.  I needed to be careful.  "It took the affair to show us that.  But that's why it seems so fast to you kids because it's only been shy of a year for you.  It's been longer for me since I lost your mum."

I was kind of surprised that Dad was beign so honest.  It calmed me down a little.  "Well, just don't expect me to move on fast.  I still had Mum," I stated simply.

I stood up and put a hand on Ryan's shoulder.  "Id never ask you to do that," I said.  "But I do thank you for being open to Juliet being at the big party.  I'd never bring her -- or anyone -- if you were against it."  I squeezed his shoulder and let him be.  I had to find the other two to talk to them.  I did manage to see Tommy sneaking back inside to talk to Ryan.

I was kind of surprised by what Dad said.  I let him leave without another word.  Sedona warned me to behave... and Tommy walked back in.  I had to tell him what happened if he had not already been listening in.