If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive -- TBD

I was not sure if I could ever truly love Maisie if I did not talk to James about some things -- at least that was what my therapist said.  I went over to their house and knocked on the door, hoping that I could have some time with just James.  I knew that would surprise everyone to know that I was seeking to speak to only him.  But I did want to make things easier for Faith and Mum... and I wanted to make this work with James and I.

I heard a knock on the door and went to open it.  I was not entirely sure how to react when my youngest son was standing there in front of me.  "Evan," I said, my voice full of pleasant surprise, though I was sure he wanted to speak to Lily.  "Your mum isn't here... she took Lyla out with Faith and Ginny."  I thought it would be a good idea to have a girls' day.  I was sure she would have invited Evan's girlfriend, but it almost seemed like he did not want her to be involved in a lot.  At least not yet.

I swallowed hard before saying anything to him.  "I wanted to talk to you," I said to him, registering his surprise.  My hands were sweaty and I wiped them on my jeans.  "If-If that's alright."  I was really nervous about this.  Would he even want to talk to me after me being completely rude to him since he, Mum, and Faith resurfaced?

I had to really control myself and not let my mouth drop open when he said that.  Is tepped aside and motioned him into the manor.  "Of course," I said to my son.  "Would you like some tea?"  The family remedy to help make any conversation better and more comforting.

I smiled, surprised that it came so easily.  But really tea helped calm us all down... I figured that one out really quickly with Uncle Moony and Aunt Chloe.  "Yes please," I said to him politely.  I walked into the large home and realized that I had never really took the time to notice anything int he place... but that was because I was looking anywhere but at James - Dad. 

I followed him into the kitchen while he got the pot of water to boil.  "So... well, erm, I just want to sort of... talk," I said to him honestly as we waited for the tea.

I poured the water into the mugs and set his tea in front of him.  I sat down and smiled at him.  "That's quite alright," I said to him.  I took a sip.  "Except... Evan, I hate to admit it, but I don't even know where to start.  And that makes me so angry with myself because I'm your dad and I should know..."

I shook my head at him.  "It's not your fault," I said to him quietly.  "I've been a pain... and, well, I never really liked you."  I was just being completely honest with him.  "I just had my own opinions of you... granted, they were mainly Peter's.  Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot really tried for you, though.  But they didn't push things, you know?" 

I sighed, accepting the cup of tea when it was finished.  "I don't really know where to start, either."

I chuckled slightly and stirred in some sugar.  "Why don't we start at the beginning?" I suggested.  "I mean... wherever you feel the beginning is.  And sort of get to know each other... go from there?"  I hoped that the suggestion was a good one.  I did not know how to respond or react to Evan most of the time, but I did see myself in him a lot.

That seemed logical.  But where was the beginning?  Back when I was still with Mum and Faith trapped by Peter... but I did not remember that much.  I mainly remembered me killing them -- well, the memory that Peter put there, obviously.  "Peter made me believe that I killed Mum and Faith," I said out loud, not entirely intentionally.  I was not sure fi that was a good spot for me to begin, but there it was.  "We all thought you died... Peter just stayed with that story.  Well, I remember Mum talking about you sort of, like you were still alive.  I dunno -- maybe she had hope because she was alive?" I shrugged and took a sip of hte tea.  This was probably the most I ever really spoke at one time to James -- Dad.

I nodded while he spoke.  "ah, yes, your mum would have hope that I hadn't died... especially if hse was somehow still living," I agreed with Evan.  "I am not entirely sure what she remembers of that night... but I faced him without a wand, trying to save Harry and Lily.  We knew she was pregnant, so once I saw Lily and Faith... before we got to St. Mungo's, I thought that was my family.  then LIly said she had twins... you walked in looking remarkably like your mother, well, there was no denying it."  I smiled at him, hoping that I was sort of bonding with him.

No one ever really told me -- not that they would know -- that he faced Voldemort without a wand; it was unbelievable really.  "Oh... you would have done anything to protect them," I said slowly, taking everything in.

I nodded.  "Of course," I assured Evan.  "I'd do anything to protect my family -- and no matter how we are, Evan, that includes you."  I wanted him to know that no matter our relationship, I would protect him with my life just like I had done for Harry, Lily, and the unborn baby at the time.  And any other time as a matter of fact.

I could not believe what I was hearing.  Even if we were not that great, he would protect me?  That went against everything that was ever told to me.  James was supposed to be selfish and arrogant... he really was not either one of those honestly.  I ran a hand through my red hair and sighed.  "Oh," I said, unsure of what else to say really.  I smiled sheepishly at him.  "I don't really know what to say to that... I always thought you were a jerk... at least, that's what Peter always told me."

"Well, I kind of was," I said, chuckling a bit trying to lighten the mood.  "But isn't every teenager?  I grew up a lot as I got older and as things got darker in the world."  I ran a hand through my hair.  "I don't know what you want to know or what all I can tell you that will help you with everything, Evan.  And, you know what?  It kills me that I don't know how to help you."

I was surprised by his blatant honesty.  I sighed, shrugging.  "I guess I don't know that answer either," I admitted.  "I just know that we need to do this.  I need to do this.  It'd help everyone else... and, well, with everything... I'd kind of like to have my dad."  I felt very vulnerable speaking so openly like this towards anybody... let alone someone I did not know all that well.