It's been written in the scars on our hearts, we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

I was so careful with Juniper living with me now about everything that I was hiding.  She knew certain things -- like the fact that I was abused, that my little brother died protecting me as did my father -- but she did not know a lot of specifics.  I always hid as many of my scars from her as possible.  There was no point in her worrying about them as they were done and over with and nothing would change the past.  I got out of bed -- I had gotten so much better with Juniper about everything, like physical contact for one -- and looked back at her, who was still sleeping I thought.  I left the bedroom and went to the bathroom, starting up the shower.  I took off my shirt and I realized that I did not grab anything new to change into.  I sighed and sneaked back into the bedroom and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and I heard movement behind me when I went to open the door again.  I turned around and smiled apologetically at Juniper.

I had always been a light sleeper, in my house you never knew when you might need to be up at a moments notice, so it didn't surprise me that hearing the water run from the shower in the bathroom was what woke me. I liked the sound of running water though, it distracts me from my thoughts and lets me fall asleep. I still have the nightmares, but at least it made it easier for me to actually fall asleep. I stretched, yawned and rolled onto my back, letting my one arm stay behind my head. I heard the door open, allowed my eyes to blink into focus and watched Lincoln sneak back in the room to grab some cloths. Something was different though, and it took my still tired brain a few moments to figure it out, he didn't have his shirt on. My eyes widen, for the first time I could see all the scars he had on his back. Of course I had seen some of his scars before but he always had a shirt on. I pushed myself up so I was sitting up on the bed when he turned to me and gave me an apologetic smile. I didn't focus on it thought, I was staring wide eyed at a scar that covered most of his chest.

My smile faded when I realized what Juniper was staring at -- my chest.  I had not put my shirt back on.  I knew it would be pointless for me to change that fact now.  I would be horrified if I had to be with someone who looked like me, too.  "June, I'm sorry," I said.  This was definitely not the way I would have chosen for her to realize how bad everything really had been for me in the past.

His voice snapped me back to my senses and and I shook my head slightly. "You don't need to apologize Lincoln, but you know you can tell me anything right? You don't have to hind anything from me." I knew I was being a hypocrite, but there really wasn't much I was hiding from him anymore.

Of all the things that I could have imagined Juniper saying, that was not it.  I just sort of stared at her for a moment.  "I'm not hiding anything," I said, almost as if I was saying it out of habit.  She knew a lot of what happened with me and to me.  I just never showed her my scars before -- but that was because I was ashamed of them and hated them.  Though with each one, I learned a different lesson... even if it was over something stupid.  "At least, I don't mean to be," I amended slightly.  My mind screamed at me to get out of there and to put a shirt on; how was that going to help anything, though?  I really did not want to turn around - my back was not much better than my front when it came to scars.

I sat up in the bed and patted the spot next to me as I looked up at him, hoping he would come over. I could only imagine how he had gotten the large scar on his chest and all the others, but I wasn't about to pry. "Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm always here for you right?" I wanted him to know he didn't need to worry about how I would react to anything. We were getting married and I was a big girl. I had see my fair share of bad things happen. I wanted to help him if I could, and I knew talking sometimes helped me. I would always be there  for him, just like he had always been there for me.

I was not entirely sure if I wanted to speak of any of it, but I could see the unasked questions in June's eyes.  Really, we were engaged... she should know.  I walked over and got back in bed next to her, not entirely sure where to begin.  I would let her choose, I decided.  "Where do I even begin?" I asked, shaking my head slightly.  "I guess... which would you like to start with?" I felt like I already knew that answer, though.  Her eyes barely left the scar on my chest.

I followed him with my eyes as he walked over to the bed next to me. I pulled my knees closer to me as I laid my head against his chest, above where his scar started. I began tracing it, as an answer to his question, but I felt him tense slightly. I wasn't sure if it was from the scar I had chosen to start with or the physical contract, which I knew he was getting better at but still he had his boundaries. I sighed as I sat back up and laid against the head board after putting my pillow in front of it. I looked over at him. "We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to. I just want you to know that I'm always here if you do." I didn't want him to feel like I was prying, but I wasn't about to brush the topic off if he did want to talk about it.

I knew what she was doing -- trying to make it seem like she did not have questions and did not want to know what all had happened.  Just wait until she saw the scars on my back... a couple of which had come from her own father.  I shrugged slightly.  "Well... I was getting hit and yelled at like usual," I said, as if it were me speaking of going shopping or something.  "Then it got out of hand... like usual."  This was where I heard my voice start to change to something that I could barely recognize.  I could not really describe my tone completely, but there was sorrow, bitterness, and anger among other emotions.  "They were both fighting with each other and then they laid eyes on me... blaming me yet again for Austin and I actually kept my mouth shut.  I was still hurting after his death and what happened to me on his funeral day," I explained, though she had no idea what had happened to me on the day of his funeral.

I ran a hand through my hair.  "This was probably only a week ro so after all of that," I mused, trying to remember the time line a little bit better.  "Anyways, my father sent a curse at me.  Maybe he was trying to keep me out of it, maybe he was trying to shut me up... I don't know.  No matter the reason, I ended up doing an extreme type of protection spell against his curse -- probably Protego, though clearly I had no idea what I was doing.  The spells collided in front of me and gave me this when they had a little bit of an explosion."  I looked down at my chest, knowing I was giving her the extremely shortened version.  "It was my first time doing any magic... they were forced to take me into St. Mungo's that day -- though they said that it had happened during my first incident with magic, though that wasn't a complete lie."  I looked over at Juniper, not entirely ure how she would handle the story.

I took a few shaky breaths and shook my head slightly as he finished the story. It took me a moment to really process everything before I could respond. "I am so sorry for what happened. I'm glad you were able to protect yourself though, even if you didn't know what you were doing." I shook my head again as I looked at the scar and started tracing it again. "My first use of magic was against my Father." I said softly, more to myself. I blinked my focus back to him. "I am so glad you're okay and that you're here with me and that we're getting married." I smiled at him as I leaned my head against his shoulder, trying to remind him that someone was happy that he was here and had gotten through everything. "It's so big though, it must've hurt a lot. I'm sure your father didn't mean for that to happen." I knew his father was better then his mother, if only by a bit, but I liked to think that he had someone in his corner growing up after Austin died, even if it wasn't consistently.

Remembering the looks on their faces made me shudder slightly.  I shook my head.  "No... my dad wasn't present at that time," I assured her.  I always differentiated his good days from his bad with the term I used to describe him:  Dad or Father.  I looked over at her.  "Why does that not surprise me?" I questioned when she spoke of her first time using magic.  It was something I would have expected with the way she has told me - and the way I have sort of just figured out - that he treats her and Draco.  "I don't really remember the pain from it anymore," I replied.  Yes, I did avoid her kind words.  It was hard to think that someone would want me the way Juniper did.  I had never expected this with the way I had been.  I looked over at her.  "Any others that intrigue you?" I asked.

<< This is clearly after the hospital thread, so she would know that Lucius did hurt him.  When do we want this?  Like the Jan or Feb after the hospital thread?  That way I can add a date to it >>

<<Jan or Feb works for me >>

I nodded, not that I completely understood about his father vs. dad, since my Father never had a dad side, but I understood enough. I gave a small laugh when he said he wasn't surprised that my first use of magic was against my Father. "That's another story for another time." I assured him, not feeling like changing the topic quite yet. I noticed he had avoided what I had said so I tried again, "I love you, you know that right? I know I'm not the best at expressing my emotions but I want you to know I'll always care about you, no matter what." I looked up at him as I spoke, hoping he would believe me. I always had a hard time believing him when he said something like that to me, but I could hope he wouldn't be the same way. I took a shaky breath at his question. Of course a lot of his scars intrigued me but, with thoughts of my Father in my mind, I knew the next one I wanted to see. "'Where's the one my Father gave you?" I asked with a shaky breath. I didn't know the whole story of that, every time I tried to bring it up, he would avoid the topic. Maybe now he would be willing to talk about it.

<< Mkay, I'll edit it  >>

She was not so easy to distract as I had hoped.  I merely nodded when she repeated herself.  I knew she cared for me, but it was just hard to wrap my head around that when there were so many things -- mainly stories -- that she did not know about me.  Would there be one that would end up being too much for her to handle?

I should have known.  I leaned forward and showed her the marks on my back.  "There are a few," I said, though it really was unnecessary to say so -- she would clearly see them.  Perhaps it was time to tell her what had happened between us.  I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.  "My parents didn't let me go to Austin's funeral -- as you already know.  What I left out, though, is that I had a visitor... one who made sure I would not forget that I would have been killed for taking my brother's life - even if by accident - if he or my mother had any say in the matter," I said as quietly as I could.  "I had wanted to stand up to him, but there was no way.  The words he said to me... I still remember every single one of them.  I had always felt bad for the children of that man - obviously, I had no clue who they were or if they ever really existed... until recently, of course." I closed my eyes for a moment.  "That night has been on the forefront of my mind a lot since the hospital..."  I was not entirely sure if she would wnat to know what he said to me, but I would make her ask if she really wanted to know.  I would not bore her with such minute details if she did nto want to really know that much.

I took a shaky breath as he spoke, visualizing what had happened. I shook my head slightly. My Father had hurt a little boy on the day of his brothers funeral, why didn't that surprise me? "That was not your fault." I countered. I knew he would probably brush it off or ignore it but I had to put it out there, he was not responsible for Austin's death, Maybe the more time I said it, he would believe it. I had looked at his back when he leaned forward and recognized the scars. I, and now Draco, had matching ones. I had sat up slightly so he could show me but laid my head back against his shoulder when he laid back down. I focused on what he had said next.

"You felt bad for," I was about to say Draco and I but I couldn't think about us in that context, someone feeling bad for us. No one knew our story, no one knew the truth about us so no one felt bad for us. "For this visitors children you weren't even sure existed?" I asked softly. He had felt bad for us because of something my Father had said. One could go, hurt a stranger and be willing to die to protect their own family. That was not my Father. Something he had said affected Lincoln, I could tell in the way he spoke about it. "What did this visitor say Lincoln?" I asked with a shaky voice. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, to know what would cause someone to feel that way about someone they didn't even know, but I had to find out what my Father said. I took another shaky breath and looked up at him. "What did my Father say to make your feel bad for Draco and I?"

She always told me that and I always ignored that fact just as she ignored me when I said she was worth everything.  There were just some things you could not change about a person's way of thinking -- those were just examples of that fact.  I sighed and looked away from her at nothing in particular.  My mind's eye was back in my brother's old bedroom, laying on the floor, shaking and bleeding... scared to death but a little relieved the pain had ended for the moment.  I felt his breath on my neck all over again as he put his lips to my ear and whispered those words to me.  "Be glad you're not my child.  A father's love would not have saved you," I replied to Juniper.  I put my arm around her, knowing that it would just confirm everything she ever really thought about her father.

"The way he had said it... implied that he had children, but I was seven.  It wasn't completely clear to me - especially when I was so miserable at the time.  But whenever it drifted to the front of my mind... I felt horribly for his child if there was one out there.  If he had been willing to do that to me, what did he do to his own kids?"  I shook my head.  We both knew what he was willing to do to his own children.  It had taken me a long time to realize what he had said in addition to berating his own children.  It was my father who had saved me that day.  He must have told them not to kill me or something.  It was a father's love that saved me -- that was one thing that the visitor - Lucius - had told me.