What can I do? -- Winter 2017/2018

I was not entirely sure what to think.  I needed to talk to my mum about how to handle the kids with their reaction to me sort of dating their teacher.  "Hey, Mum, you home?" I asked, walking into the kitchen.

I heard Dean's voice and I turned around, licking my finger where I had accidentally got mayo on it from the sandwich I was making.  "Hi, Dean," I said, smiling.  "Want a sandwich?"  Just like a mother... I was worried about him eating rather than wondering why he was there.

I laughed at her and shook my head.  Then, deciding agaisnt that, I said, "Yeah, please."  I waited until we were both sitting at the table wiht a drink and a delicious looking sandwich.  I had spoken to her about Juliet before... but now I was worried about the kids.  "Mum... the kids aren't doing so great with me finding someone else," I said to her blatantly before taking a bit of the sandwich.

I nodded, looking at my son.  "And by kids, you mean Ryan?" I asked.  I had spoken with Sedona about this, actually.  She was excited that her dad had found someone.  She complained a lot about Ryan, though.  I chuckled at Dean's surprise look.  "Honey, I do talk to your kids, you know."  I sighed.  "Sedona was talking to me about ti.  She's actually happy you are happy, Dean."

I raised my eyebrows.  "Dona's happy for me?" I asked.  That just sounded so grown up.  And I hated thinking about my little girl being grown up like that.  I took another bite of the sandwich and chewed it, thinking about it.  "But yeah," I said to my mum after swallowing, "it's Ryan.  I don't want to be moving too fast or anything for him."

I nodded at my son as he spoke.  "Of course she's happy for you," I assured Dean.  "She wants her dad to be as happy as possible... because she's seen you unhappy for so long -- we all have."  I put a hand on Dean's arm when I spoke.  "I wouldn't flaunt it in front of Ryan... but let him see that you are in a better mood.  You're walking again, so they are getting used to that, too.  So much is changing... just give them time."

Of course my mum was right.  There was no reason for me to doubt that.  "I guess I didn't think that me walking would be a big change for them, too," I admitted.  I had been in the chair or sort of walking a bit sort of collapsing for years... too long, really.

I laughed slightly and nodded at Dean.  "Well, no you wouldn't think that way," I pointed out to him.  "And it's not a major thing compared to being interested in someone else and loving someone other than their mother... but it is an adjustment."

I sighed, hating that my mother was being so blunt, but liking it at the same time.  "I never said I loved her," I said quickly.  It was too soon for such strong feelings, was it not?  I mean... I really enjoyed Juliet.  A lot.

His sudden denial merely made me smile.  I took a drink and looked at him.  "Honey, you may not have said it, but it's obvious," I pointed out to him simply.  "And it's nice that you're waiting for your kids to be okay with everything before you admit anything... but you also can't do things just for your kids.  They're old enough now that you do have to do what's best for you, too."

I sighed and shook my head.  I was not entirely sure if I wanted to admit it completely aloud, though I knew Mum was right.  "I guess you have a point," I said.  I looked at her.  "But then again... we weren't good with you wanting to attempt to move on.  Granted, you were still married... but we had a hard time with you even thinking of moving on."

Dean did not need to remind me, but I let him anyways.  "You and Lenni were also merely eleven and twelve," I Pointed out to him.  "Ryan, Stan, and Dona... dean, they're all nearly of age now.  they have to understand that you can't be unhappy your whole life.  They will understand.  Maybe not at first, but they will."

I sighed and looked at my mother.  "I know I can't always be unhappy -- but I'm not necessarily unhappy, either, Mum," I pointed out to her.  However, I had a feeling she would counter that or laugh in my face.

I shook my head at him and sighed.  "Dean, I know when my children are unhappy -- and you have been for a long time.  not every day, but overall.  There's only so much anyone other than yourself can do about that deep unhappiness you were feeling," I explained to him gently.  "I think this is a good thing."

I was rather surprised by my mum's insight.  I was glad that she was so understanding about the entire thing.  "I think it is a good thing, too," I said, agreeing with her.  I was really happy and I knew what she meant by me being overall unhappy because it was true.