Memories are pain; pain is strength -- Early Winter 1999

It was a few weeks after Juniper had lost the baby.  I was so busy being strong for her, that I was losing my mind.  I at least had managed to remember everything -- unlike Draco.  I did not know what to do.  So I went to the only fatherly figure I had in my life... Remus.  I knew that he was at Hogwarts like a good Headmaster and got there, glad that I was able to just get into the office without any issues.  "Remus... I'm so glad you're here," I said, half expecting him to be at supper or something.

I could immediately see that something was wrong.  I stood up quickly and went to Lincoln.  "What's wrong?" i asked him.  Normally Lincoln could hide his emotions... but he was wearing his despair easily on his face tonight.

I went to him and hugged him tightly.  I needed a dad right now and that was what Remus was to me after not having a proper one for my entire life until him and Chloe adopted me and saved me from the hell that had been my life.  I pulled away and looked at him.  "Something happened to the baby and Juniper," I said to him, my voice heavy.  I was not concerned with the fact that Lucius had tried ot modify my memory to get me to forget; I was more worried about Juniper and little Austin that we just lost.  I just would not forget him.  I could not.

I kept my hands on Lincoln's shoulders and steered him to the chair where he sat heavily.  I could tell by his tone that it was not good.  "Lincoln, take your time," I said, knowing that he came here to talk about it.  But I was not going to rush him into telling me.  I stayed close to him and on the same side of the desk, leaning agaisnt it instead of going to the Headmaster's chair.

I put my face in my hands for a moment before continuing.  I needed to compose myself.  I looked up at my dad and sighed, trying to make sure my voice would not be shaky when I spoke again.  "Dad... it was Lucius... June's dad... and Bellatrix Lestrange," I said to him.

I looked at Lincoln and put a hand on his shoulder.  "Lincoln... what did they do to June and the baby?" I asked, fearing from the way my adoptive son was reacting that I already knew the answer to htat.

I put my face in my hands and rubbed my eyes before looking up at Dad.  "They tortured her," I said, tears blurring my vision as I even thought about that.  Juniper had gone through all of that on her own... and then for Draco not to remember anything... and then to lose Austin on top of it all.  "She was so... so broken by the time she got to St. Mungo's and me by her side..."

I gasped, unable to believe it.  I bent and hugged Lincoln -- oh, I knew he had issues with being touched, but that never seemed to be an issue with me or Chloe touching him lovingly.  I let him pull me closer and tighter since that was what he needed.  "But you were with her," I said to him softly.  "I know you don't think it was soon enough... but you were there."

I shook my head against my dad's chest as he hugged me.  "I don't think ti was... nothing is enough until she gets away from Lucius," I said, my voice thick with my tears.

I pulled back slightly and stared at Lincoln.  I knew that tone - it was one that James, Sirius, and I had used that tone when certain things happened to the women we loved.  "Lincoln," I said to him quietly, "I know that you want revenge.  And - once you get it - you think everything will be okay.  Just be warned that it might not be a good idea.  But, if that is the route you want to go down, I will not let you do it alone.  I have been down the path before when it comes to protecting the woman that you love."  He would not be doing this alone.

I stared at Dad and could not believe what I had just heard.  He would help me with this?  I looked down.  He was always too good to me.  More than I deserved with the family I was handed.  "I know it's not wise," I said.  "I just have no idea what else to do..."

I put my hands on Lincoln's shoulders and made him look at me.  "You know what you do?"  I asked rhetorically.  "You go home.  You go back to Juniper and you be with her.  You do not let her go through this alone.  I know it's goign to be rough.  You will need to be strong for June.  But when you need to break down -- and you have to let yourself break down, Linc -- you come to me.  You find your family and we will help you through it if you'll let us."  I was not going to let Lincoln drown in his sorrow of what Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange did to his family -- my family.

I stared into my dad's blue eyes and shuddered slightly.  He was right, fo course.  But that did not mean that I wanted to listen to him.  I did nto want to listen to reason.  "I know she needs me... but she's pushing me away more than ever... and I just need this," I said to him, indicating the help I was receiving from him right now.

I nodded, squeezing Lincoln's shoulder.  "You know I'm always here," I assured him.  "As is your entire family.  Neither one of you have to go through this alone."

I raised my head and looked at my dad.  I tried to give him a bit of a smile, which probably did not look very well.  "I know... and I know I appreciate it.  June isn't used to people loving her or anything..." I said to him sadly.