Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - early 1999

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was funny how you can change so mush but still look the same. I had just found out I was expecting my first child with Linc and I couldn't be happier for us. I was nervous as well though. After everything Draco and I did to make sure his children were safe, I wasn't sure what to expect when mine came. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Linc was in the kitchen, eating breakfast before he had to leave for work. I had to get going soon as well, to the Leaky Cauldron. I worked there as part of House Keeping. I was trying to find a better job but after I was disowned by Father, he kept to his promise and made sure that I wouldn't be able to get a good job. I hoped once my last name was Matthews, things would get better in that department but we would have to see. I began fidgeting with my engagement ring, my newest nervous habit, and forced myself to tune away from the mirror and make my way to the kitchen. I stood in the door way, leaning against it and smiled at my fiancé. "Good morning Linc. How was your sleep?" I hadn't told him about our baby yet. I was still fidgeting with the ring, hoping he wouldn't realize that it meant I was nervous. I took a shaky breath and bit my lip. I hoped he would be happy for us as well. I was just worried about what kind of mother I would be and what the price of our child's safety would be. I knew I would do anything to make sure my little boy or girl was alway safe.

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I was sitting at the little table with papers about today's case in front of me as I ate some toast and drank some juice.  Something about this one really bothered me -- perhaps it was because the boy was Austin's age the time he died and he was getting abused badly.  I heard Juniper behind me and I turned and smiled at her.  "I did a lot of worrying about today," I admitted, standing up and walking over to the sink to put the cup in it.  "I hope yours was better than mine," I added, speaking of her rest.  The way she looked, I had my doubts about it.

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I smiled back at him. He had only told me a bit about this case but I knew it affected him a lot due to the similarities to his own life. "You'll get them, I know it." I knew he would, he alway did. He wouldn't stop until the parents got what they deserved. He was still trying to help people who couldn't help themselves, I figured he always would. I sighed and shook my head. "Not really. I had a lot on my mind too." I admitted. I took a shaky breath and bit my lip. I was so nervous about everything, what would Linc think, how would I make sure our child was safe, and what kind of mother would I be? I shook my head to clear it, "You can tell me more about the case if you want to talk it out." I offered, hoping to distract myself from what I had to tell him.

I sighed and shook my head.  "I think that's just you trying to avoid talking about what kept you up last night," I pointed out to her, knowing how Juniper's mind worked.  I was not going to fall for it that easily.  I knew better.  Besides, I was not sure if I could really do this case justice and speak of it.  I knew that June always had interesting insights and did make me feel better about everything, but this one was different.  There just was not a lot that we could do -- my partner and I.  He was the main lawyer at the firm and I was there to do the work.  I let him do all the talking in court unless I needed to stand up there and do something... besides that, I normally stayed near the child or children, depending on teh situation, to make sure that they were comfortable.  The Ministry at least tried to help make it easier for the kids.

"You know I don't like talking about myself." I reminded him. I took a shaky breath. I wanted to be more open with him, I tried to be, but I still guarded myself. I sighed and closed my eyes. He would know what to say to help calm my nerves. "I may have found out why I haven't been feeling well lately and have been eating a lot when I went to the healers yesterday." I stared slowly. I opened my eyes, gauging his expression. "It may also explain why I've been a bit moody lately." I knew I could usually be moody but at least now I could blame my resent moodiness on my hormones. That what I was going to do anyway. I bit my lip, wondering if Linc had any idea what I was trying to tell him. He was used to me being vague, but I wasn't sure he if truly understood.

I, of course, knew this about her.  I looked at her and listened intently, figuring out what was going on.  I ran a hand through my hair and stood up, walking over to her.  "Are you saying what I'm thinking you're saying?" I asked, not entirely sure how I felt about it.  And it was so hard to tell what she was thinking about everything.

I bit my lip and looked up at him, it was so hard to tell what he was thinking. I didn't really know what I was thinking either though, so I couldn't really blame him for that. I sighed, "That depends on what you think I was saying." I replied slowly. I was pretty sure he had figured it out but I had it be sure. I didn't want him to be mad or upset about it, I had hoped he would be happy. I started bitting my nails, hoping it would would calm me a bit.

I took hold of her hands, partly to keep her from biting at her nails and partly to reassure her that everything would be okay.  "Well, it sounded as if you were trying to tell me that you're pregnant," I told her slowly, still trying to figure out what it was that I was feeling.

I sighed and bit my lip. "Maybe that's because I am trying to tell you that I'm pregnant?" It was more of a question then a statement though. I looked up at him, wondering how he would tale the news. "If you got that from me saying I was sick, eating a lot and moody then either I wasn't as vague as I thought or you just know me a lot better the I thought." I was trying to lighten the mood, hoping it would work. "My guess is the latter of the two." I said softly as I looked down. I waited a few moments for him to process everything before I spoke again. "You're not mad are you?" I turned my worried expression towards him again. I was just hoping he would be happy for us, but I was afraid I was asking too much as usual.

I would like to think that I knew her better than she thought, but I was not going to comment on that.  I was letting everything work through my head, not saying anything, until she asked if I was mad.  I put my arms around her and kissed her forehead.  I shook my head at her.  "No... I'm not mad," I told her.  I pulled away, but kept my hands on her shoulders.  "I'm a little surprised, but happy."  Yes, I would be happy about this.  I could read her worried expression and hoped I was a little better at hiding mine.  I was not sure how she was taking it, though I hoped that she would be able to think positively about this rather than negatively.  I remembered everything Draco had to go through with the twins and how Juniper had to go through it all, too.  I could only imagine what they would have happen now -- maybe it would not be too bad because they were no longer in the Malfoy Manor.

I closed my eyes and savoured the hug and kiss Lincoln gave me, he could never know how much I needed it right then. How did he know exactly what I need to hear? "You're not mad." I said with a sigh of relief. He was happy for us. "You always know what to say to help me feel better." I forced a smile up at him. I tried to keep the nausea I was feeling down, I wasn't sure if it was more morning sickness or nervousness about what might happen and the fact there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I took a few deep breaths to keep it down. "I'm happy too." I tried to convinced him. I was happy, I couldn't wait to start a family with Lincoln, but what kind of mother would I be when I couldn't protect my unborn child from the sick, twisted family they were born into? All because I was a Malfoy and even when my name became Matthews, I would always be a Malfoy. "We'll be okay?" I more asked then tried to convince.

I chuckled slightly.  "I like to think that after knowing each other for seven years or so... I would be getting good with helping you feel better," I pointed out, trying to lighten the mood as much as I could.  I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  "Of course we'll be okay," I replied softly.  "I'll make sure of that."  I knew that there was a lot that could happen -- the Malfoys had a way of interfering in the worst ways... but with You-Know-Who gone, what could they do?  I knew there were still options, but very few with the law getting in the way again... I hoped.

I gave a little laugh as I looked up at him, "You've always known how to make me feel better, even when we were younger. 'Prove them wrong' right?" I wanted to show him how much he had meant to me. I shook my head slightly when he said he would make sure we were okay. "I won't let you get hurt to protect me and our little boy or girl, not when only one of us is important." I said as I put a hand on top of my stomach, clearly indicating that our child was the important one between the baby and I. "We can't tell anyone, it's the only way I can protect him or her." I knew he would probably try to convince me that I was important as well, but I was hoping to distract him from that.

"It's not your place to protect me right now, June.  You need to protect yourself and the baby," I instructed her gently.  I was sure she would ignore that piece of advice, though.  She normally did.  I smiled at her, finding it nice that she still remembered some of the first words I spoke to her -- I did.  "I know... we'll keep it quiet for as long as possible," I agreed.  "Are you sure you want to keep it from Draco, too?" I knew her relationship with Draco defeated all bounds of normalcy -- it had to.  Would she be able to keep this from him?  I knew he would never betray us and tell anyone, but still.

"But I have to make sure you're okay." I looked up at him, begging him to understand where I was coming from. He and Draco were the only good things in my life, and now our little baby. I couldn't let them get hurt. "And how can I protect us right now, beside keeping him or her a secret?" I took a shaky breath and nodded when he mentioned Draco. "Yes. No one can hurt him to find out something he doesn't know." I replied simply, I hated that Lincoln knew, but I couldn't really keep something like this from him. My nausea suddenly came back and my eyes widened. My hands flew to my mouth as I ran to the sink, barely making it in time to throw up into it. I coughed a couple times after I had finished as I turned on the tap to clean it out. "Sorry, I guess nervousness and morning sickness isn't the best combination." I took a few shaky breath, hoping to calm my stomach.