Re: It's better to risk everything than to hold onto nothing -- Summer 1999

**The Matthews** Sun Jun 28, 2015 3:48 am

I grabbed onto Austin's shoulder tightly to keep him from walking away from me. "I knew you love me, Austin," i said to him. "And I enjoyed every second of it! I just... I had hoped..." I trailed off, not entirely sure how to explain what I had hoped for.

**Austin Matthews** Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:24 am

"What? You hoped that you could always control me? always keep me here?" I asked sarcastically. I could not ehlp but be sardonic. This whole hting had been stupid. "If you wanted any of that stuff... you should never had lied ot me! You should have helped Lincoln!"

**The Matthews** Sat Aug 15, 2015 10:47 am

"I had to help you! You were so young," I said to Austin. he had to understand that there was no way for me to save both of them.

**Austin Matthews** Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:30 pm

I stared at Uncle Charlie. "And Lincoln wasn't? He was seven. Seven! If that's not young... then please, tell me where you draw the line!" I shouted at him.

**The Matthews** Thu Oct 08, 2015 6:57 am

I winced at his tone. I could not believe that I had just left my other nephew there. "austin, I could not go back once you were in my care," I said to him quietly. "Lincoln had your dad... I thought things would turn around... but they never did."

**Austin Matthews** Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:30 am

I shook my head at Uncle Chris. "Lies," I said to him sadly. "You knew what my mother was. If I had been there, I could have helped my brother. I could have been the buffer to help ease mum's wrath towards him! I don't remember everything -- I was too little -- but what I do remember... she was horrid to him. Unless I was there. I could have helped him so much more." I could not believe that my uncle was so selfish to have completely forgotten about my brother. Then I felt a pang of guilt because it was partially my fault. I forgot of my brother, too. Not completely, but enough to be part of the cause of what had happened to my big brother.

**The Matthews** Thu Feb 18, 2016 9:25 am

"You are no better than me," I said to my nephew simply. "You preferred it here than there... you cared not of your brother until recently."

**Austin Matthews** Sun Feb 21, 2016 3:10 am

My stomach dropped when he said that because of the truth in those words. Of course I loved my brother -- but I had not really given him much thought until I found all of this out. I sighed and shook my head. "I've always loved him," I said to my uncle. "Maybe not as much as I should have, but my love for my big brother never wetn away."

**The Matthews** Tue Mar 29, 2016 10:50 am

"But clearly your love did not mean that you cared," I pointed out to him darkly. I knew that I had hit a nerve with him when I brought up Lincoln.

**Austin Matthews** Mon Apr 11, 2016 11:08 am

I could not believe what Uncle Chris was saying to me. I just stood there, stunned and unable to move. I could barely speak at all. "That's a lie," I said to him, my throat very dry and I found that it was difficult to speak.

**The Matthews** Sun Dec 03, 2017 1:05 pm

I laughed darkly. "You're only as upset as you are because you know I'm right," I pointed out to him easiliy enough. "Not to worry, though, you had a great life in comparison."

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