I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need of me -- Summer 2017

Draco and I had overcome more drinking and an affair.  I had a feeling there was nothing that could keep me from going back to my husband.  I loved him... and, in all honesty, I was not sure what I would do without Draco in my life.  I was not sure if I could do it without him.  I found him in the study, looking so stressed out.  

"Draco, what is it?  What's wrong?" I asked him, staying in the doorway.  I was still unsure what all I was able to do.  he had changed.  I realized over the summer that Draco and I had our problems.  

Our love was not entirely true or ours.  It was somewhat forced by our situations... and the pregnancy.  He had feelings for Logan -- I knew this.  I always knew this.  But she ended up with Black and I with Draco.  He cheated on me with her.  I knew what he lost when she died.  It was not just Logan, but also a baby.  I had not been in the house for that long after having moved out... that had been a scary time, those six months or so where I was on my own.  I always had someone with me.

Hesitantly, I crossed the threshold and moved to where I was only a few steps from him.  "Would you like some tea...?" I questioned, wondering if I could just get him something to relax that was nonalcoholic.

I looked over at Pansy and shook my head.  "No, thank you," I said to her quietly.  "And... everything is fine.  You don't need to worry."  I was not entirely sure if I would be able to keep what I was planning on doing from her.  Being a double agent?  That was mental.  But then again, Snape did it.  And he was more of a father to me than anybody.

I looked at Draco and bit my lip.  "You seem... I don't know," I said to him quietly.  "I know we aren't the best people in the world nor are we meant to be with each other... but I am still here for you -- after everything."  I did nto want to throw anything in his face, but he was not to keep things to himself.  That was part of the reason he had been driven to drinking sometimes.  It was ridiculous.

Her words cut through my haze in my mind.  I turned my chair towards her.  "Pansy... don't say that; it's not necessarily true," I said to her, though I was not sure if that was honesty or not.

I looked at him sadly and sighed.  "I'm not sure," I said to him quietly.  "Things are so different now... Draco, what are we even doing?"  We were trying everything, but was it really working?

I stared at Pansy.  "What do you mean?" I questioned, though I knew exactly what she meant.  I sighed and rubbed my tired eyes with my hands.  "Pansy, we're trying to make things work.  I know we've hit another bump in the road... if you knew what I was doing, you'd be put in danger.  I swear to you, though, that this is only for the best.  I'm not cheating or drinking or planning on being separated again or whatever other fear is going through your mind."

I sighed and shook my head.  "All that sounds like is an excuse to me; an excuse to continue distancing yourself from your family," I said to him honestly.  "I just need to know where we stand."

That hurt; it was a legitimate thing to say, though, especially after everything we had gone through.  I sighed, standing up and going to her.  I gently lifted her chin and kissed her as sweetly as I could.  "I'm here for us," I said to her, "I'm hoping that you are, too."

I smiled and felt tears come to my eyes like the emotional wreck that I had been lately.  "I am," I assured him.  I wrapped my arms around Draco and held him close.  "You're holding up okay, though?  I know it'll be difficult without Addison, but you -- we -- have Blair and she will be okay.  She's got us and she's got some of the Blacks, too."

I squeezed my wife and then let go, being able to look at Pansy.  "I'll be fine," I said to her easily enough.  "And I know that Blair will be so spoiled..." I chuckled slightly at that because I knew she would be.