I always swore to you that I'd never fall apart; you always thought that I was stronger; I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start -- Summer 2007

It had been far too long for me to be under the control of the alcohol again.  I was trying to cope with Keegan's death and in the process, I was losing the family I had left.  Pansy had threatened to leave with Ian.  If they left, what else did I have to live for?  To fight for?  I found Pansy in the living room reading a book.  I was grateful that she was still there.  I sat down next to her and it pained me to see her physically pull away from me.  She never did that before; it only helped prove her point from the night before.

"Pansy... I'm so sorry," I said to her, emotion filling my voice.  I could not lose them; Father could get a hold of Dorian and change him into what I nearly became.  I did nto want that.  And I did not want to lose Pansy... I did love her.

I should have just left rather than give him teh chance to chagne.  I had a feeling this was going to far more painful than if I would have just gone away last night.  I pulled away from Draco when he reached his hand out to me.  I put my bookmark in and set the book down on the coffee table.  I turned slightly and looked at him darkly.  "You didn't seem all that sorry last night, Draco," I said, remembering all too clearly the way he yelled... waking Dorian up.

I deserved that.  "That's because I was drunk," I stated simply.  "I don't want to lose you or Ian..." There was no way that I could go on without them by my side.

I looked at him, trying to decipher the look on his face.  "Maybe you should have thought of that before going down this road," I said icily.  It was still too fresh teh way he spoke to me when I brought up the separation and possible divorce.

I looked at her, trying to hide my emotion.  "Pansy, please... just listen to me.  I beg you," I said, hoping that she could see through the mask.  I needed to her to see how much I needed her and Ian in my life.  But I was always so afraid at showing any type of emotion -- something I could thank my Father for doing to me.

I glared at him.  "The last time you drank this much, you nearly threw your sister out of our flat," I spat at him, standing up and starting to pace at him.  "Now... I will not give you a chance to hurt Ian or hurt me.  I'm done..."  I stopped pacing, crossing my arms and staring at him.

I could not believe that she thought I would hurt Ian or her.  I shook my head, the tears coming to the surface of my eyes and I would not fight them. She needed to see me like this to understand.  "Pansy, no... I'd never hurt the two of you," I said to her.  How could she think that?

I wanted to refuse to look at him, but with the sound of his voice, I had to.  I saw the raw emotion written all over his face.  I stopped pacing and sighed.  "But how on earth do I know that, dRaco?" I asked, desperation in my voice.  "You were - are - turning into your father... and after everything that you've told me and that I've seen... I won't have that happen to Ian."  I knew it was a low blow, but there was no way that I was goign to sugar coat everything.  It would do nothing.

That was a slap in my face, but definitely true.  "Just because I am starting to resemble my father, does not mean that I would ever hurt you!" I pleaded with her, wanting her to understand exactly that.

I took a deep breath and shook my head.  "Draco, I just don't know if I can believe you unless you sober up," I said to him, giving him that ultimatum.  "Sober I don't think you would hurt us... but drinking the way you have been, there have been a couple of close calls."

"I haven't touched a drink since you said that," I said.  "I know it's not much... but never before have I wanted a drink as badly as I did last night.  But I didn't touch one."  I hated that I sounded like a child begging.  "Please... just give me a chance.  Pansy... I can't lose you."

I looked at Draco, seeing the tears in his eyes and the pain he was trying to hide as well.  "Giving you a chance on this?  Draco... I don't know if I can do that," I said to him, my own pain and tears in my voice.

I looked at Pansy and could not keep eye contact with her.  "Please," I said without much volume.  "I need a chance to prove you that I've changed..."

It took him a copule of years to get this bad... how long would it take for him to get better?  Could I risk that with Ian?  He was already going more and more towards Lucius.  And with what happened... I did not necessarily like that.  "I... I don't know if I can do that, Draco," I said.

I took Pansy's hands in mine.  "Please... it didn't take long the last time," I said.  "And I promise... I won't fall off the wagon again."  I hoped I could keep that promise.