Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - early 1999

I closed my eyes and felt the tears start to come, I didn't want Lincoln to see me cry so I went up and put my arms around him while I leaned my head against his chest. "I wish that could be the case but I don't think that'll ever happen." My tears came down my face and went onto his shirt. I thought back to what Draco and I had to do to keep everyone safe. "It's just, I'm already a Death Eater and we're already getting married. I just don't know what else he could ask of me." I admitted. That's what scared me most. What if he made Lincoln become a Death Eater or what if he realized that there was nothing else I could do and would go straight for our baby. I shook my head and burrowed it slightly deeper into Lincoln chest. "Whatever it is, I'll do it. I'll make sure everyone's safe." I wouldn't let anyone else pay the price for my child's safety.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly.  I wished our lives could be so much easier; they never really could be, though.  "June... you don't need to live up to his expectations of what you should be.  I'll be there for you if he does ask you of anything else... you won't go through any of it alone," I said.  I was not sure how I could help make it better, but I was definitely going to try.

My silent sobs were racking my body now, so I knew he knew I was crying. Why did our lives have to be this way though? "I know I don't, and I try not to, but what if the only way to keep our baby safe is to live up to his expectations?" Just like when Draco had the twins, we had to do what Father said and everyone was safe. And just like I never had been able to do what Father expected of me my entire life. But what could he possible ask of his disappointment of a daughter? "And what if it's not me he asked to make the impossible decision?" I said the second part so quietly, I wasn't sure if he even heard me. "I won't let anyone else pay the price for our child's safety but me. This is my family we're dealing with, I'm carrying the baby. This is my burden." Even if my child never met me, I would make sure they were safe. I would make sure nothing happened to them or me until my little boy or girl was born. Then, Father could do whatever he wanted with me. I wouldn't care at that point, as long as our child was safe.

I held her tightly, though for her to think this was only her burden was ridiculous.  "June... it's our child.  Therefore it makes it our burden," I pointed out to her, kissing the top of her head lightly.  I knew she had issues with letting me or anyone else help fight the fight, but this was one situation she had to give in.

I shook my head as I pulled back slightly, but I still wanted his arms around me. I took a shaky breath. "It's not your family that will be threatening our baby when they find out though." I pointed out. "I have to protect our child, I won't let anything happen to him or her." I looked him in the eye. "You need to be safe too. If anything happens to me after our little boy or girl is born, you need to be able to take care of our baby."

I grimaced slightly.  "Well, we don't have to worry about my family mainly because they're either dead, in Azkaban, or too old to hunt any of us down to do anything," I said, listing off the only basics of my family anyone really needed to know.  My only living relatives were my grandparents and mother.  "And just because I protect our baby doesn't mean that we won't be safe," I pointed out.  Juniper needed to stop thinking she was in this alone.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't thinking straight right now. I knew Lincoln didn't like to talk about his family but he didn't have to worry about his family hurting the baby. I walked to the table, sat down, put my arms on it and put my forehead on my arms. I took a shaky breath. "It could." I weakly protested. "If something does happen I would rather you be okay to raise our child then me. You can protect him or her, keep our little boy or girl away from my Father." I shook my head slightly, "I have no idea how I'll be with our baby." I admitted softly. I hoped I would be a good mother but I had no idea how to be a good parent. I knew more of what not to do.

I understood that she was worried about her Father, but she had stood up to him before.  I knew she would be able to protect our child from anything if it came down to it.  I decided not to argue that issue and went to attack the other one at hand instead.  I sat down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder.  "You will surely be amazing," I said to her, a smile playing at my lips.  "you're already doing the protective mother thing perfectly... and you know what not to do.  That's nearly as good as knowing what to do."

I sighed as I turned my head and looked at him. I was glad he was putting aside the issue of me protecting our child. I knew I had stood up to Father before but then, it didn't matter what happened to me, I didn't have a little life inside me to protect, I didn't care what happened to me then. I do now. I thought over what he said and gave a small laugh. "I'm just trying to do what's best for our baby. What I think is best anyway." I hoped I was doing what was right, but, truthfully, I had no idea. I thought of Draco and how he had feared becoming like Father ever sine we were younger. What if that happened to me? My eyes widen as I sat up and I started into the distance. "I have an idea." I turned back to him and took a shaky breath. "If I ever turn into either of my parents, I want you to take our child and leave. Don't tell me where you two are going, just leave." If I didn't know where they were, I wouldn't be able to find them and hurt them. I bit my lip, not sure how he would react to my suggestion, but it would make me feel better if he agreed to it.

<< let me know if you want me to change this at all.....June just wants to make sure the baby'll be okay.....>>

I rolled my eyes at her without really meaning to.  "And if I were to turn into my parents without you to keep me under control?" I pointed out to her.  I put my hand beneath her chin and lifted it gently so she would look at me.  "June, we need each other... more than either of us care to admit.  We keep each other from becoming what we fear most."  

<< It was perfectly fine!  Hope that Linc's response is good for miss Juniper  >>

<< Lincoln always knows what to say! It's perfect! >>

I sighed as I looked at him. "You could never turn into your parents. You were born to help people, not hurt them. You were doing that long before you met me." I pointed out. I took a shaky breath as I turned my gaze to the ground. "I'm pretty sure I need you more than you need me." I said softly. What did I ever do for him? I could never repay him for the countless way he had helped me, from the first moment we met right up to now. I could never help him the ways he helped me, no matter how much I tried.

<< Aw, you're going ot make him blush  >>

I was grateful to hear her say that, but it was still a worry that I had to face every single day.  Something that Juniper understood more often than not.  "June... you have helped me more than you know," I told her.  I had never let anyone get close to me -- whether it be emotional or physical.  And now, here I was holding someone in my arms and feeling so entirely close to her than I had ever let myself come before to anyone.

<< she tries >>

I sighed as I put my head back in my hands. "I'll just keep pretending I believe it." I said, figuring that would be best. I knew it wasn't true though, how had I ever helped him? I turned my head to the side so I could look at him. "So I guess we have a bit more planning to do hu?" I said. "At least one of us has a good job." I knew I would never be able to do this without Lincoln and I was grateful that he was happy for us. He would be the one to support us while I tried to find a better job. There was just so much on my mind right now I wasn't sure where to start.

I smiled at her.  "Well... yeah, we have quite a bit of planning to do now," I said, wondering what we were going to do.  We would manage.  "We'll figure everything out; I don't want you to add any extra worrying onto your plate... though I know I'm waasting my breath," I added, trying to lighten her mood.

<< so I think you said Draco wanted June to have a real wedding....if this is not true, just let me know and I can edit it >>

I gave a small laugh, "I was born worried so, yes, you are wasting your breath." I sighed. I shook my head slightly. "Why did I let Draco convince us into have an actual wedding instead of just going to the ministry like they did? I mean, I know you deserve a real wedding but...." I didn't need one, the Disappointment didn't deserve one. She didn't really deserve the man she was marring either.