You lift me up just to let me down -- Winter 1993

I was making my way to the greenhouses when I heard a sweet voice behind me.  I turned around and saw Katie.  I stopped and waited for her.  When she caught up, I spoke to her.  "How are you?" I questioned, walking with a good few inches between the two of us.  I did not want to risk being touched.

I smiled at him.  "I'm doing well.  How are you?  Any plans for the Christmas holiday?" I asked him.  I knew he typically stayed at Hogwarts, but maybe things had changed for him this year.

I shrugged slightly.  "I'm fine," I answered.  "and this year I may actually end up going to the Blacks... but Dean also said he may stay here..." I wondered if I would even be able to manage a holiday with that many people, but it may be better than spending it by myself.

I smiled.  "That'd be nice.  You should go," I told Lincoln.  He needed to let himself have some fun.  There was no point in him always being so downtrodden.

Katie always was a ray of sunshine.  I really ought to listen to her sometimes.  But I just was not sure if that would be the wisest of ideas.  Dean and I got along, but what about me getting along with his parents and family?  And wouldn't it be awkward to see Professor Lupin outside of Hogwarts?  Especially since he put together what I went through at home.  "We'll see," I commented.

I rolled my eyes at Lincoln.  "You're allowed to have fun, linc" I informed him.  He never smiled and hardly ever looked like he was enjoying himself here or anywhere.  The only time he ever looked peaceful if not happy was when he was readin ga book.

I shrugged.  "I do have fune... just not in ways a lot of people expect a teenager to," I replied.  She was really starting to pres the matter, but not in a bad way.  For now anyways.

I sighed, deciding it would be bet to drop the issue.  "Alright... have you read anythign good lately?" I asked, knowing Lincoln liked talking about the books rather than anything personal.

I shook my head.  "Nothing except for school books right now," I answered.  "They've had so many reading assignments and essays... I haven't had time to read leisurely really."  I hated that, too.  All I wanted was to escape, though schoolwork did that, it just was not as enjoyable.

I groaned, understanding completely.  They were really loading us with assignments before the holiday.  "You would almost thin kthat they thought we were going to be taking our OWLs this year instead of next," I said, shaking my head.

I nodded, agreeing with her.  "I know.  It's good preparation, I guess," I told her.  There was the only benefit to it all, I suppose.

I looked over at him.  I knew that talking with Lincoln was difficult.  I hated that I liked him a more than a friend.  I knew that things would never work out... but I had to try.  "So... this weekend is the last Hogsmeade trip before the holiday," I started out.

I had a feeling I knew where this was going.  Despite Dean's advice, I could nto do it.  There was no reason for me to put myself out there and no reason to let Katie get hurt.  "Katie... I'm going to stop you right now... try to keep you from getting hurt," I said queitly.  I hoped things would not get awkward for us.

Chuckling nervously, I shook my head, playing it off.  "Hey, it was ust a thought.  Don't worry about it," I said, trying to hide my disappointment.  There was no way I was goign to show that to him.  I should have expected that, really.

It was hard to tell what Katie was thinking.  I tried to see if she was more hurt than what she was letting on.  I hoped that it was not anything too bad for her.  "Sorry, really," I said sincerely.  If only she knew the reason why I could not let anyone in.