New beginings...where to start..tbd

I nodded, agreeing with Draco, "I have it too. I think it's so many years of punishments we're thinking to far ahead of ourselves. We haven't even done anything yet and we're worried about what Father might think, what he might do to us."

"I know," I replied, shaking my head.  "I hate how he has us so... intimidated.  I mean, I dunno if that's a better word for it or if fearful is.  Perhaps a mix..." I shook my head again, unable to find just the right way to describe how our father makes us feel.  "I just like the idea of making it come down a notch or two."

"I think a mix describes what I'm feeling best." I nodded at the idea of knocking Father down a bit. "We could give him a taste of his own medicine." I smiled at Draco.

"And he would so deserve it," I said, chuckling darkly.  "I wonder... perhaps Mother would end up on our side.  It's not like he treats her with any dignity or respect either."  I hated the fact that Father and Mother never seemed like they loved each other.  Was that not the way marriage was supposed to be?  I mean... for me, love was overrated.  There was no point.  Clearly people could be with each other and still have a modicum of happiness even if there was no love -- Mother and Father showed it most of the time.  But I did not want to be like Father.

We never knew what to expect with our Mother. I nodded, "That's true. It sometimes does't seem like they really love each other doesn't it? It could just be me." I thought of the way other parents were and knew Mother and Father were not like them. For me, I hadn't really thought of falling in love but knew that Father would have to approve and I wasn't sure if I could really love anyone he did approve of.

Shaking my head, I had to agree with her.  "It's not just you.  I've seen it... I just wish that sometimes we could be a normal family," I said.  That was such a foreign concept to me.

"A normal family, tell me all about it." I said with a laugh. "We maybe a lot of things Draco, but we will never be normal." I sighed, "I wish that too but I don't think it will ever happen." Normal was so weird to think about I had to shake my head to clear it.

I grinned at her, wanting to lighten the mood a bit again.  "Well, I dunno... normal my be too boring for us, though.  It's probably something that we wouldn't be able to tolerate," I suggested.

"We could never do normal." I agreed with a small smile and laugh. "I don't think Mother and Father would do normal well either." I was picturing it and it made me laugh even more.

Her laugh was contagious and I joined in.  "Could you just imagine?  I think everyone would think that hell froze over or soemthing," I said, shaking my head, just picturing us all attempting to be normal.

"Yeah!" I agreed still laughing, "Or maybe..." I said when suddenly a though came to me and I stopped laughing, "Maybe no one would notice." I thought about our lives and turned to him. " I mean, think about it, Father drills it into our head to act certain ways in public. We are the prefect normal family to everyone." I shook my head, "If we really did become normal, do we put on such an act in public that, potentially, no one would notice?" It wasn't possible. If we were changing so much, surely someone would notice. Only our little family knew how unnormal we really were.

She had a point.  I sighed and shook my head.  "You're probably right... no one would notice.  But we would.  And really, isn't that all that matters?" I asked her.

I smiled up at him. Somehow, he knew just the right thing to say. "It is." I agreed. I sighed and looked around, "Sometimes, this feels more like home then home does to me." Home was a place where you were supposed to feel protected, not want to hide away in your room to avoid your parents.

Though I did not fully understand that since I was welcomed at home, I did understand to a point.  "Yeah... it's definitely more home-like when you can act like yourself... even if just in the bowels of the school so you don't ruin a reputation you care nothing about," I said, shaking my head slighty.

I laughed at what my brother was saying. "At least we still know who ourselves are." I pointed out. "We're not that far gone yet." I smiled up at him. "Your twin doesn't care about our reputation either." I informed him.