Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain -- Spring 2017

Despite everything, Addison still had not made it.  It has been a copule of months since her funeral and the kids seemed off still -- we all did, really.  Uncle Remus wanted to speak to me about them at Hogwarts.  I slowly walked the corridor to the Headmaster's office.  I spoke the password and stepped onto the staircase and knocked on the wooden door.  I waited until I heard his familar voice beckoning me to enter.  I walked in and was glad to see a steaming mug of tea waiting on the desk for me.  "Hey Uncle Remus," I said, sitting down.  I tooka sip and looked at my godfather.  "Which one did what this time?" They all had been acting out since the death of their mother all in their own ways.  Sedona buried herself in her schoolwork, ignoring her own basic needs.  Constantine stopped speaking to anyone and his grades were dropping due to him not going to class or just not caring enough when he actually decided to show up.  Ryan... wel, eh took a leaf out of his aunt's book.  He was constantly fighting.  I could only imagine what new oddity was goign on now.  I have been to Hogwarts to meet with Uncle Remus so much that it felt like I was back in school myself.

I sighed adn shook my head.  "Dean... I'm starting to get extremely concerned about your three ids," I said.  "Dona is the one acting the most normal... but she's looking so close to anorexic now.  It's clear that she's not sleeping much either."  I would address each child individually.  May as well go from oldest to youngest.

I knew their mother's death hit them all hard.  It was hard... Uncle rmeus said that theycould take as much time away from Hogwarts as needed, but they all wanted to return.  "What do you think I should do?  Force her to eat something?" I asked, not meaning to be snarky.  "I'm at a complete loss at how to help my own kies, Uncle Remus.  I gave them time and spae.  They're just as stubborn as I ever was.  I can't push them to do anything.  THey'll jump off the deep end."  He had to know I was right.  My kids took after me that was for sure.

He was right and I knew that.  Something had to be done, though.  "Sedona, I belive, will end this on her own.  These things take time.  They all have gone through so much.  Between the affair, the divorce, and now losing their mum... it's taken a toll.  I know you and Addie kept things civil and made things as easy as possible.  But your kids also learned from you to hide things and always be strong.  That's the way most Blacks are," I explained.  "But nw it's getting to be too much... and they're just continuing following your suit."  If he thought I had not realized that he was burying himself in his work, he was crazy.  I was not completely oblivious.

I furrowed my bow at my uncle.  "Following my suit?  I've never forced them to have to be strong," I told him.  At least I did not think I did.

I rolled my eyes at him.  "You all are avoiding the mourning process.  Sedona is the one of the four of you who is close to accepting any of what happened.  But Dean... I know you hate showing any emotion and you want to be strong.  Let me ask you this, though:  How do you expect them to get past this or even acknowledge this happened if you haven't?" I questioned.  I could see the look hidden beneath the mask he portrayed.

I sat there, stunned.  I should have known he would see through it -- mum and Dad and Lenni all could.  But I always avoided the topic when they brought it up.  They did not see the kids now that they were at Hogwarts, so they dropped it when I made the point to do so.  But now that it was about my kids?  I had to think of them.  I was beating myself up about not being able to save her.  I knew what Will went through when this happened to liv years ago.  I could always save people before... and now?  I failed at saving my children's mum... the woman I loved.  I looked at my uncle as I stood up to start pacing.  "I have acknowledged it," i said, trying not to get overly angry at him.

I knew what I was gong to be getting from my godson.  "Dean, yuo've buried yourself into your work.  Plus you ignore your parents and sister trying to help; you keep everything locked away.  And your temper is quick to rise, too," I explained calmly.  "Each one of your kids is portraying a part of how you're handling Addie's death.  Dona is emersed in schoolwork; Stan not speaking ot hardly anyone; Ryan fighting and arguing."  I felt like I needed to point out everything to him; he really did need to realize this.

I stopped pacing and placed my hands against the back of the chair I had been sitting in, leaning forward slightly.  I did not realize they each took a quality of mine in handling a tough situation like this.  I mean, it did make sense.  I could see it now in how they handled different things in the past, too.  I ran my hand through my hair, looking at my uncle.  "You are right... I suppose I never saw it before.  How on earth do I get them to face the fact that they're mum is gone?" I asked Uncle remus.

I finished my cup of tea and sighed.  "You're just going to show you're handling it.  They are only following your lead, Dean," I pointed out.  I hoped he woudl find a way to let it out adn get past this.  I knew that it killed him being unable to save her.  "Trust me on this Dean; they'll be albe to tell even just through letters or visits on Hogsmeade trips.  I don't care if you pop in randomly... you know family is always welcomed at Quidditch matches if you'd only want to do that... grante there isn't much time left for matches and such."  I wanted to help my students as much as possible -- especially those that were practically grandchildren to me.

I definitely would trust him on this.  I nodded.  "It is bad when my demons are now starting to haunt my kids.  I have no idea how I'm going to face what I couldn't do.  I've been hiding from it," I confided.  Hiding from it for a month... and now to face it?  I sat down heavily in the chair across from Uncle Remus.  I put my nds over my face for a couple of minutes.  When I moved them, I had tears in my eyes.  "I haven't let go since telling Dad what happened.  I needed to be there for the kids.  I had thought I could save her... I just couldn't move fast enough," I said quickly.  How on earth could I have let it get this bad with the kids?

Here it was.  This is what I needed Dean to do -- to let go.  "Dean, you barely got out to where you're completely functional.  There is no way anyone blames you for what happened," I told him quietly.  I knew that Dean blamed himself.  That was the biggest thing that made Dean run away from all of this in my opinion.

"I know... but I couldn't save her.  I couldn't save Stan from being hurt... I couldn't even save myself," I admitted in a voice barely above a whisper.  I had accepted the fact that Addison was gone.  I just could not accept the fact that I could not save anyone.

Ah, so that was where the real problem was.  I sighed.  "You can't beat yourself up about that.  Ask any of your three children... they would think you could save them," I said to him.  I sure hoped that Dean would stop the blame game.  "How are you handling everything else?" I was not sure if I believed that he had moved on with the loss.

Shrugging, I shook my head.  "I think I'm past it and then something random hits me.  I do believe I'm getting better.  I don't really talk about her, though.  Maybe I should... it might hep the kids.  What do ou think?" I asked, wanting as much help and guidance as I could right now.  I hoped that my mentor would be able to give me that guidance.  I had always gone to Uncle Remus for advice when I was younger, so it was natural for me to seek extra guidance.  I would end up talking with Dad, too.  My relationship with him had never been better.  He helped so much when I told him about Addisons' death.  I knew Uncle Remus had a good idea of what my kids would need since I was not around when it came to being at Hogwarts.