You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye -- Late Winter/Early Spring 2017

When I knew he was gone, I untied Addison and held her in my arms, trying to hold pressure on her gaping wuond.  But there were really so many wounds.  This ws bad.  I looked into her eyes, fear evident.  "Addison... I will get yo uout of here," I said to her as I tried to adjust her in my arms.

I started to shake violently and I was so cold.  "D-Dean... so sorry... I d-do love you," I said, trying to make full words.  I wanted him to know how I felt, despite how he felt.

I kissed her forehead.  "I do love you.  I was trying to save you," I told her.  And I failed.  There was so much blood pooling aroun dus.  "I love you," I repeated.  I knew I was losing her.  Despite our differences, my love never disappeared... just the trust and everythign else.  I held her close to me and I Apparated to St. Mungo's.  I could not feel her breathign anymore... "Aunt Chlo'!  Aunt Lily!" I shouted, not really caring who came to help.  I just knew that I needed help for Addison.  I felt no more heartbeat.  A healer took her from me and helped me stand up because I was shaky.  I saw them trying to feel for a heartbeat and help her.  They ushered me into a room to get looked at.  One thing I have learned was to listen to the healers.  I knew I would need to get checked out.  I had just gotten better, I did nto need to risk it.  I just had to know what was going on with Addison.  I looked at the healer as I took off my shrit so he could see that the blood was not mine.  I knew better than to argue.  "How is she?  Is she...?" I could nt ofinish that sentence.  How could i?

The healer looked at me.  "Chloe is looking at her and will come in to talk to you.  I am to just check your well being, sir," he told me.  I really did not want to wait, but I felt like I already knew.  I saw how much blood she lost and where the wounds were on her body.  I could also tell that there was something in this guy's eyes taht told me everything I needed to know.  I sat on the bed and felt numb all over.  I let him double check me.  i had a couple of scrapes but he was more concerned about my nerves.  I went through the process of checkign all of that and explaining what had happened.  There was a small knock on the door and I saw my Aunt hcloe starting to walk in.  "Aunt Chloe... is she... gone?" I asked quietly.  I really felt like I already knew, but I needed to hear it from someone I trusted.

We had tried everything to get Addison's heart beating again. To get her the help she needed we had been doing blood tests to see about a transfusion. She had lost to much blood already. I tried to get the blood into her system to no avail. I looked at the young woman on the operating table to know I had failed them. I took a deep breath and walked out to see my godson to tell him his soon to be ex-wife has left us. I walked out to see Dean looking like dean. He saw me and asked, I nodded for a moment. As I rushed forward pulling him into a hug.

I felt like I was unable to move.  I was completely numb.  I felt Aunt Chloe put her arms around me, but I could not get myself to hug her back.  I did not want to believe it.  With everything we had gone through... and now she was gone?  I mean, yeah, we were getting a divorce and she had been pregnant with Malfoy's kid... but she was still the mother of my three precious children and the woman I had loved for so many years before she broke my heart.  I swallowed hard and asked, "And the baby?" I figured that it was far too soon for the baby to survive on its own outside of its mother and even though it was not my child, I wanted to know if there was anythign to be done for it.  It would have been a sibling of my three kids, so I knew that it would cause them pain to lose it.

I shook my head, " The baby couldn't have survived. " I told him as I held him close as I knew how he was. " We tried to get the baby breathing but the lung capacity wasn't able to handle it." I explained. Knowing he would want an explanation, we had tried everything to save her. That's why her procedure was longer than normal.

I took a deep, shaky breath.  I was fighting back every single emotion I was feeling at the moment, but I was not sure how long I could do it.  I looked at Aunt Chloe through tears that were filling my eyes.  "How am I going to tell them?" I asked, my voice breaking.  How could I tell my children that I failed to save their mum?

I pulled away from him briefly keeping him at arms length. " You are going to take some time for yourself here....to try to pull everything to together....this is not your fault. I want that in your head now. It is not your fault. He was going to torment you....he would have no matter what. " I told him. He would need to know he couldn't have done anything anyway. " Take it one step at a time." I told him.

She knew me too well.  Aunt Chloe either assumed or could see it in my eyes that I was already blaming myself for being unable to save Addison.  The kids were going to hate me; they would think that I did not save her on purpose or something.  She was right; I needed to not worry about anyone but me right now... but how could I do that?  I put everyone before myself for years -- I was a parent.  I could not put myself first.  The kids were not there, though.  I felt the tears start to fall as I shook my head.  "I-I... There was more I could have done... y-you weren't there," I said to her, my sobs finally coming.  This would be the only time I could be open like this... other than this, I had to be strong for the kids.  They would need me.