To be on the edge of breaking down -- Fall 1978 (DONE)

After finding out some different things about Lord Voldemort, I was starting to change my opinion about everything.  I needed to talk to someone about what I was hearing and going to do.  So I met with my cousin.  She just got initiated.  I wish that I could have told her these things beore she took the leap.  I saw her and went up to her.  "We need to talk, Bella," I said quietly.

I wondered what was the matter.  He sounded so worried when he nearly begged me to talk with him.  I would have no matter what.  He was my family.  "Reg, what's wrong?" I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder and leading him to sit down.  I was extremely concerned.

I ran a hand through my hair as I thought about how to say what I needed to say to Bella without having her freak out on me.  "Bella... I wish I could have told you before you took the ark," I said quietly.  I wish I could tell her everything I have heard... but I could not.

I stared at my cousin, confused.  "Regulus... what are you talking about?  This is the best thing that has happened to me," I said, reallying wondering what on earth he was speaking of.

I knew she would not understand.  "Bellatrix... this power... it's too much for one person to have.  He's horrible, Bella... He said so many different things to me than what he's doing.  He's lied," I said, my voice shaking slightly.  I was scared.  I knew I signed up for certain things... but I did no trealize how much I signed up for that involved hurting people and doing everything that he has done.

I took a deep breath.  How could Regulus be freaking out about this?  I mean, really?  "Aren't you glad you're on the right side of things?" I pointed out.  "This is a war now for the Wizarding race.  There's no reason to be afraid when you're with the Dark Lord."  I truly believed that, too.

How was she so calm?  I was told lies!  "Bella... I'm scared.  He has said things.  I think I'm hte only one who knows what he's done to his soul," I said.  Voldemort said some things and so I would not look stupid, I had looked them up that way I could familiarize myself with the things he said since I was so young.  What the information lead me to... it was such Dark magic.  I had no idea this was the man I decided to follow.  I was not sure if I could do it anymore.

I laughed and rolled my eyes.  "Stop being so dramatic," I said, brushing him off.  "You're just under a lot of stress.  It's your last year at Hogwarts.  You're nervous because you know that more will be expected from you once you graduate," I explained.  I knew the Dark Lord had plans for Regulus.  I was going to have to inform him of Regulus's cold feet, though.  Which is why I feel they were foolish to let him in when he was just sixteen!

I felt like I was shaking.  But perhaps Bellatrix was right.  It was just nerves.  "You're probably right.  I knew I could come to you and you'd understand," I said, relieved.  There was no way I would trust any other Death Eater.

I squeezed his shoulder gently.  "Of course you could come to me," I assured my cousin.  But now there was conflict within myself.  Darwin told me that if I ever thought anyone was having doubts to go to him and he would hel them see the way.  Naturally that meant a little torture.  We all knew that... except apparently Regulus.  I had to wonder what the Dark Lord told him to make him join so young and why on earth he wanted a young Black.  Why Regululs?

I gave my cousin a hug.  I was the only person able to do that to Bellatrix besides her husband it seemed.  And really, I thought the marriage was just for show anyways.  "Thanks Bella... can we keep this between us?" I requested.  I didn't need to get scolded or anything by Lord Voldemort.  For some reason he really liked me and I did not want that to change.  He kept hinting he had big plans for me... and that scared me but also excited me at the same tiem.

"Of course," I repeated, lying to him.  I was not going to jeopardize my reputation for Regulus.  He was family, yes, but that only went so far.  "Why don't you go run along?  I'm sure that secret girlfriend of yours is dying ot see you."  Naturally I wanted to know who she was, but there was no way he was going to tell me.  Whcih told me it was highly inappropriate.

I smiled at Bellatrix, relieved.  I was glad I could always talk to her about everything.  I stood up.  "That sounds like a wonderful idea.  Thanks Bella," I said to her again before walking away.  It was just stressful dealing with everything. Now I just needed to find Aimee.  I did not know if she was still in Hogsmeade or back at Hogwarts.  Either way we had to be careful in public... then we would find someplace quiet to meet if possible for either one of us.

Now that Regulus was gone, I stood and summoned that Darwin needed to see me.  I felt bad for doing this, but Reg needed more than just me to convince him all is well and to stay with our cause.  I tapped my foot impatiently until I saw the brawn that deifnitely lacked brain.

I had gotten word that Bellatrix Lestrange wanted to talk to me.  It had me rather intrigued.  I did not expect to hear from Lestrange... though I did have a feeling I would have to deal with the young Mr. Black.  He was so young, so I just naturally figured I would have to do a crash course on what he needed to do.  But I did no texpect to hear about him from his own family member.  So I was intrigued by who she would be telling me about.  "Lestrange, what do you need?" I questioned, crossing my arms as I stood there talking with her.