Ignorance is Bliss -- October 1976

I was sitting in the common room by myself in the middle of hte night.  I had the ever so familiar dream of everything that happened with my father.  I hated how it all felt so fresh every time I had the dream.  It was ridiculous.  I brushed a tear away from my eyes and curled up a little more on the couch.  I guess it just bothered me that the Death Eaters were so heartless when it came to the 'purity of blood'.  It bothered me so much!  Most of them weren't even pure bloods anyways... so why were they all so hell bent on eradicating the muggle-born or the halfbloods?  There'd be no witches or wizards left!  It just was horrible.  And my dad pointed out the horrible leader's blood status and it got him killed.  My dad was so brave for standing up for people... but then again I wish he hadn't... he'd still be here with me.

I walked through the opening of the dungeon to the common room with a few people.  We were all hanging out and we had a little meeting with some old classmates who had become Death Eaters.  We snuck off the grounds so we could have the meeting.  They were prepping us to joining their group.  It was very intriguing and I liked the idea of trying to better the society that we live in.  I felt like I really belonged there.  And I knew my parents would be so proud if I told them that I was meeting with them and would most likely become one when I graduated or so.  But with Sirius not living in our house anymore and living wiht the Potters... well, I didn't really have anyone to prove myself to anymore.  They all went to their designated beds and I was about to but I heard something by the fire.  I looked over and saw someone sitting there.  I walked over and saw that it was Tobi.  "Hey... everything alrigth?" I asked her, thinking that this was a really odd time for someone to be awake if they weren't up to no good.

I had heard them all come in and thought they all went to the dorm, so Regulus startled me slightly when he came up behind me.  "I'm fine," I said, looking up at him and thinking that he should have been already in bed.  I couldn't help but wonder what he had been up to.. but then again I saw the group he hung around with and I had my theories.

I moved around the couch and sat down.  "Tobi, you don't look fine," I said, leaning back and turning my head on the back of the couch to look at her.  I raised my eyebrows at her slightly, expecting her to start talking.  I was grateful that there was a fire going, though.  It was a slightly chilly night out there... it was getting to that time of year.

How could someone so nice be mixed up with people like he was?  He really was like his brother... I could easily see how Ember liked Sirius.  I could see why a lot of Slytherin girls liked Regulus.  But he was quieter than his brother... in a good way.  I did not think I looked all that bad, but apparently I did.  How else would a guy realize something was wrong?  "Fine.  I'll be fine," I amended, not really wanting to talk to him about what I was thinking.  He hung out with the group of people who thought that the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort were god.  It was sickening.

I sighed and turned to look into the flames a little bit.  Why did women have to be so evasive?  It was ridiculous.  I was just trying to be a friend.  "Well, you can always talk to me if you need to.  I'm great at keeping secrets," I said, figuring I would at least offer, not like she would take it though.

I wanted to get off of the subject of me.  "Where had you been?" I asked him, thinking that I probably did not want to know the details... but for conversations sake I was curious what he would admit to me and what he would not.  Not like I cared or anything... We were not together or anything.  I was not sure if I would even consider us that great of friends or anything like that either.

Ah, I wondered if she would ask me that.  I smiled and said, "I was being mischievous."  I figured that would be the best way to keep the questions light.  She did not need to know who I had been meeting wiht or anything.  That would be a good thing for her... we were sort of sworn to some sort of secrecy of what we were doing.  No one needed to know what we were up to by any means.

I rolled my eyes.  Perhaps I could fool myself that he was really like his brother in that manner of speaking, but I knew better.  "Reg, I know I have no right to say this... but the guys you hang out with... they aren't good guys.  You deserve such better friends," I said, putting my hair in a pony tail to keep it out of my face as I looked at him.  I really did not want to judge him, but after everything that had happened with my father... I really did hate the Death Eaters.  I just wished that with someone like him that he would not fall prey to their power.  I knew it easily appealed to people... if I didn't know better, I probably would be supportive of them, too, to be quite honest.

She really did not have the right to say that, but I did not get angry or upset with her.  Everyone was entitled to their own opinions.  I smiled at her and said, "Tobi... you don't have to worry about me.  I am well taken care of with them."  It was true.  I fit in so well... they made me feel like I could really make a difference.  And I'd have power.  Not that I didn't already; but to have power that they commanded, that would be so awesome.  She just seemed so concerned, it was kind of nice that she cared without us being super close or anything.  "I think you'd feel better if you would just talk to me," I added casually.

I was sure he would be well taken care of until he got his own mind, but it was not my place to say anything.  I sighed and figured that he would not let me not tell him.  "Well, I just had a dream and it was a sad one.  It reminded me of my father and why he's not longer with me," I told him, hating the fact that just saying it out loud was making me a little sad.  I felt like I was showing weakness by doing all of this.  I know it was really sad, but still.  I hated being this vulnerable.

I felt bad for pressuring her to tell me what was going on now that I saw that it was still upsetting her.  I thought that perhaps it would be something different than something that depressing.  I put a hand on her shoulder.  "I'm sorry... you should have just told me to bugger off," I said, wishing that I could make her feel better.

I laughed and shrugged.  "It's alright... not to worry," I said, trying to be nonchalant about everything.  I looked at him and into his beautiful eyes.  No... what was I doing?  But then I could not help myself... I leaned forward and we kissed.  I pulled away and felt my cheeks flush a little bit.  "Oh, I'm sorry, Reg... I feel like such a horrible person... I think it's time I need to just go in to bed or something," I said talking rather quickly.  I felt like such a fool... I could not believe I just did that.

I smiled and shook my head.  "Tobi, it's fine," I assured her, putting a hand on her knee to make her feel better.  "To be honest... if you would not have done it, I probably would have.  I just would have felt worse due to the fact that you're the vulnerable one."

I was so glad that he was not offended by the fact that I had kissed him.  I wondered if I was just being crazy.  I leaned forward but this time he met me halfway and we kissed.  I put a hand on his leg and the other on his cheek.  I pulled away and smiled at him.  "Reg... are you sure?" I asked, not entirely meaning just the kissing.  I just was not sure if he knew what I was insinuating.  I just hoped he knew what he was getting himself into.  I saw that there was no mark on his arm, which is good.  I don't think they ever let anyone join under age anyways, though.