I Can't Do It Anymore -- TBD

Dean was old enough to have his own opinion about everything, but I wish he would just give his father a chance. "Dean, I'm so tired of having the same argument with you. I don't know what you want to hear," I said, running my hand through my hair out of frustration. My son was going to be the death of me. I stared at him at the other end of the table.

I rolled my eyes. "Mum, no one brought up dad but you. You should know better than that. He's not the man I wish he would be... he's in Azkaban! He turned over your own brother... and you believe him?! I don't know what to think. I dont understand any of this! And to be honest, I don't care if I understand any of this. It isn't worth thinking about him if all it does is piss me off!" I hadn't realized I was shouting. I was so tired of all of this. Why were they being so stupid about this? I can't believe that the two most important girls in my life thought that my dad was a hero or something. He was nothing to me.

"Dean, please," I said sharply. "I grew up with your father and my brother, remember? I knew them! I knew their relationship. Don't throw that in my face," I said, trying to keep my voice under control. "Why don't you just go hear the story yourself? Go talk to him..."

"Oh I thought i heard the voices of screaming...." I rolled my eyes. My brother had gotten this idea that he had rights to think he knows everything about what happened. " No matter what you say mum...he's still going to be a jerk and not look at facts..." I said looking over to Dean. I love my brother ...I do but telling me our father isn't worth time...no. I hate that. " So, yeah...telling him to go talk to dad is like asking the wall to do a jumping jack." I said running a hand through my hair. I am very much a daddy's little girl. I just wish he would like to just talk to dad and see the facts. I know dad didn't do it. I saw my brother's look, " it'd be nice if you just tried to look at the facts...." I said as I stopped this argument was getting old. " Talk to him....you hate him without really giving anything. " I ran my hands through my hair. " Talk to him and find out like mum said. "

the scene was replaying in my head over and over. I had been framed, I knew that Voldemort would suspect me...so I told them to switch to Peter. If I had just kept it myself they wouldn't be gone. They would still be here and my own family wouldn't have to have arguments about believing me when I tell them I didn't do what I am being blamed for. I sit in my cell and look around. I need to get out. To protect the ones I love. I know once I were to leave they would go to my house first and put the blame on Ember. I need to find Peter and make him pay. Bring him to justice and realize that he had been the one to destroy everything. Within the Marauders, James was the one who wanted to hang out with him in first year. If I had just stuck to my guns we wouldn't have had to even hang out with Peter...possibly. The whole scene was playing back to me, going to visit them to make sure they were okay and the house was torn apart. i don't know what happened, rush in to see Lily and James. Find James flipped over on the side of couch, hear crying....Harry. Rush up the stairs making sure I didn't crash anything else. Go into the nursery to find Lily on the floor and Harry in his crib. Crying, myself sobbing I went to Harry and tried to calm him down. How could this have happened.

A clang went as my thoughts drifted back to my current place as the dememtors walked in. I saw someone had gotten ahold of the paper. I saw the Weasley family with Peter on the front of it. I knew I had to get him. At any cost to myself. I was getting life back.

Them ganging up on me was getting old. Fast. I turned and just left without saying a word. I was tired of it. I didn't tell Mum if I would be back. I wasn't even sure myself. I just walked. I needed to clear my head. Before I knew it, I was at the guest entrance to the Ministry... one of the few ways to get to Azkaban without using magic of your own. Did I really want to talk to him? No... but should I? Probably.

I ended up going through the Ministry and they brought me to Azkaban. With a load of chocolate, I walked through the prison eating. I finally wound up at the corner that would lead me to him. I took a deep breath and shivered slightly. With another bite of chocolate I walked forward. I saw the shadow of a man that I knew my mother loved. I stood there watching him for a few moments... I could become that. I already have the name against me. "You ruined my life," I said, not bothering with saying a hello or anything.

I looked to the figure standing in front of the bars. ' I know...I have ruined everyone's life...' I said with raspyness. Not really getting any idea on how to fix everything I have created. Other than killing the man I was put in here for. He killed them. Not me. I would find him if the last thing I do. " Dean....why don't you say everything on your mind..."

I crossed my arms and glared at him. I had mixed emotions about being there. "I-I... don't even know where to start. I don't really care what you did or didn't do. What I care about is how Elena can't even look at me. How Mum is delusional and won't even hear why I believe the way I do... I know I'm not easy by any means. But I at least should be heard and not yelled at every time I stand up for my own opinions," I ranted, pacing back and forth. I ran my hand through my hair.

I nodded to my son, " You should be heard....well what are your opinions?" I asked him. I was going to get out of here and clear my name. It tore me apart to know me being in here because of Peter was destroying my family and he would pay. I would make him pay. " Dean...you should be mad...look into everything yourself if it is bothering you. To formulate your opinion....you just finished saying what I did or didn't do....What would you like me to do Dean?"

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair the way my mum told me dad used to always do.  "I don't know... I just can't believe you didn't do it without hearing every side of the story.  I can't do it the way they do... believe without a doubt.  If there was no doubt you didn't do what they say you did, you wouldn't be in here."  I stopped pacing and looked him in the eye.  Where was the happy guy that was in the pictures?  Could he really be innocent?  "It would just be nice for someone to prove either way instead of all of this speculating.  You know Mum and Aunt Tobi hardly talk anymore because of everything?  I know they used to be best friends... but I've hung out with Jetty and have gone over there.  Aunt Tobi told me different things... and I believe her.  I think Mum should try more to understand other sides... and things that Jetty has told me makes me doubt that you did it.  But then there's all the evidence and not just hearsay.  I'm just tired of the guessing..."  I went up to the bars and leaned my arm against them and rested my forehead on my elbow.

" Because they don't know is why there is doubt... " I sighed, knowing there would have to be animosity between Tobi and Em..." Dean, they don't know what to believe....would you like me to tell you everything?" I asked him, I would gladly tell my son my side and he can get whatever he needed from someone else. " Do they still...go out and do things?" I asked. Knowing it had to be unbearable for them to do anything. I know that Elena has had some fights because of me. " Your sister gotten into more trouble with fighting?" I asked him. I miss my family I really do. I hate what Peter has done. But the paper....." Dean get me a copy of the Daily prophet..." I asked him....I had to know...if it was him I can clear my name. " I need to tell you something about Peter....the picture of he Weasley's Peter is in it. " I said confidently. Well about 95% sure it was him. " Look at the rat and if it's missing it's one claw on the front it's Peter. " I bit my lip not sure of how else to say it. " I know how I can prove my innocence...I just need to find the little rat. On that night, the explosion all they found of Peter was his finger...."

I nodded. "yeah, elena is still having a ton of issues. I really haven't been there for her," I admitted, looking away from my dad. I didn't want him to judge me for not being there for my sister. "And what do you mean?" I asked. I didn't wait for an answer, I popped some chocolate into my mouth and left for a moment. It took me a little longer to find a Prophet than I thought and I returned to my dad's cell. "Sorry," I said with a shrug. I handed him the paper. "What about the picture?" I asked.

I took the picture from my son and looked at it. " It's the rat..." I growled, handing it to him. The rat on the boy's shoulders, " The rat on the boy's shoulders dean....I know I am just looking like a crazy person to you. The rat on the boy's shoulders is Peter....we are all animagus...." I told him, " You might want to pull up a seat..." I said as I let him get one or just sit on the ground like I was. " I know it's hard for you.....but within the few nights of James and Lily's murder.....I had told them to switch secret keeper's to make Peter their secret keeper. Because it made more sense to me...the Dark Lord would already know I would be suspect number 1. It's all because Peter betrayed us. I knew something was up with Peter, he had started acting strange around James and Lily's wedding. Just something was off....we interrogated him and James well James believed him. I had my own suspicions about the rat...but I figured he was the safer bet for them. So I told them they should switch and Prongs and Lily switched it to Peter and the next night they had the spell done and officially went into hiding. " I explained, waiting for the how?

" They had the charm by Professor Dumbledore..so we knew it would stick....I hadn't heard from them at all and neither had your mum. So, I knew I had to check Peter and Tobi's place and the little rat's house was completely empty other than some of Tobi's things. Peter had tried to leave and travel lightly. I left and immediately headed towards the place I knew he might've been. Then I found the house. " I said reliving this was horrible. He needed to hear it. I took a deep breath as I continued very solemnly. " dean, I know this just seems like ranting from an unstable person but please just hear the rest." I said waiting for the refusal to listen and I looked up to him and I actually still had his attention. " Sorry....was just expecting you to leave.... I told your sister this story...and she's been trying to get a look at him, I don't want them to get hurt...he's going to go after Harry dean. " I told him.

"Peter had sold James and Lily out to Voldemort...so Voldemort and Peter among some others I imagine had gone to the Potter's house and were told to kill the boy along with James and Lily....well, Lily because Voldemort has ridiculous values like some other demented people we are sadly related too. Sorry, they had gone to the house and fought them. James and Lily....lost....and Harry was still alive. The house was destroyed it was a miracle Harry lived. " I said as I coughed, clearing my throat I continued; " I got to James and Lily's and had ran in to see if they were okay. I had found....found James on the other side of the living room under the couch. Then Lily was in Harry's room. " I wiped my eyes quickly. I had brought Lily down the stairs and laid her beside James and went back for Harry. As I got to Harry again, someone else entered the house....it was Hagrid." I said, " I told Hagrid that your mother and I would raise Harry as we were his godparents. James and I were best friends... and Ember was his sister also his godmother. It just fit....Hagrid than told me that Harry was ordered to be picked up and brought to Lily's muggle sister and her husband to raise Harry to keep him safe...to keep him out of the public eye for some reason...." I explained, looking at the ground. " I know that this is a lot to take in.... but after I sent Hagrid with Harry on my bike...which is another reason why we don't have it at home...I went hunting for Peter. Yes, rage had all about consumed me. My best friend whom was a brother to me was dead and so was his wife and the only connection to them was going to where we weren't allowed to go see him. I lost it....I didn't know what to do so I went hunting for Peter and to find him and ask him why." Shaking my head running my hand through my hair. " I found him and he was just laughing and he asked me why...why did I do it...and to spare his life and to take it easy....Peter had always sucked at transforming. It took him forever to get it....we had to help him get it....when he did get it it always had this sort of explosion. The better he got the quieter the explosion. So, I took one step closer to him and he I'm guessing transformed and cut his finger off to make it like I did it. " I said finally.

This was a hell of a lot to take in especially when all he has heard is from Peter's side and yet my side but not from me..which is the best source of what happened. I am in here innocent. " The reason they haven't got to me fully is because of me being an animagus...." I told him as I looked to his expression which seemed to be utter confusion. " I need to get Peter and then I am innocent. Get the map....Find the Marauder's Map and you'll see Peter at school with you....I don't want to alarm you but he is at your school. He is posing as one of the boy's pets...."

I say there for what seemed like hours. Not sure this was the truth or not. Out was my dad, I wanted to believe him. "where's this map?" I asked. If I found it them it would either prove his story or show he was a liar

If the weasleys have the reputation I have heard about. Check with them first...if they don't check filchs office. I do put money on Fred and George having it though. " I said looking to him. If fred and George mess with you, which they will tell them your dad is padfoot. They should give it to you in a heart beat after that." I told him knowing the boys were trouble makers. " once you get the map, it'll show Peter most of the time with the youngest Weasley boy. He's near harry most of the time. I still hadn't been able to see my god son with everything that happened. I know I do not have everyone on my side. " I just hope when you find it..you can get everything you are looking for. "