So let it rain, let it pour, if he don't love me anymore -- Late Summer 2016

I could not believe what I had been doing all summer long.  It was just so nice to get physical with someone without the worry of anything.  I felt like my younger self... until Sedona mentioned something.  She did not come out and flat out tell me she knew what was going on, but there was no way I could keep doing this.  I needed to talk to Dean about everything.  I got home from work and saw that he was in a great mood -- which was a rare sight to see most days.  He always put on a strong front, but I knew how this ate away at him.  He was no longer the man I married... I still loved him dearly, but he just was not the same.  I saw the turmoil behind his eyes every time I saw him.  He pushed himself until he broke all the time.  I was just having a hard time watching him practically kill himself trying to overcome the disability rather than live with it.  The kids were about to go back to school, but I knew neither one was home at the moment.  Stan was over with Rory and Sedona was with the girls.  I started to make some tea because I knew that Dean was going to need something.  I poured a couple of glasses with the steaming liquid and I walked into the living room where Dean was.  I sat down and took a deep breath.  "Dean, we need to talk," I said quietly.  I saw something flicker behind the mask he was wearing and I could not place what it was and it worried me.

I took the cup of tea and just set it down on the coffee table.  I just stared at Addison.  I knew what she had to talk about.  I was not stupid... I could put it all together.  Besides, I overheard Sedona talking to Constantine about what she should do about information like what she knew.  The kids were just trying to protect me; I thought it was sweet.  I looked at the woman that used to own my heart... now she was just a stranger to me.  After everything we had been through... I never would have thought it would come to this.  "I believe you do," I said, bound and determined that I would show no emotion.  She deserved nothing from me.  I had known about this for a little while and I had time to think about what I was going to do about it.  If it had been a one time thing, it might be different... but for it to be ongoing throughout at least the entire summer?  I was not going to be played a fool.  I knew that I could forgive her with time, but she would never be the same again.  I trusted her unconditionally... but her trust always waivered a little bit -- whether it be due to my old drug habits or anything.  She never trusted I would not use again -- and I have not used since my dad had been in his coma.  But that was not good enough for her.  When I found this out, I had started to see all the flaws that I easily overlooked before because she was the love of my life.  Now I did not even recognize her.  "Start talking, Addison... or do you want me to begin?" I inquired, slightly enjoying the panic that flashed across her face at her realization that I knew just exactly what she was going to be talking about.

I was taken aback by what Dean said.  Did he know?  I took a deep breath to try to gather my thoughts.  "Dean, our marriage isn't what it used to be," I said quietly, unsure of how much Dean knew.  I did not want to just go into my indiscretions right off the bat.  I was worried about him.  And I did not want to hurt him anymore than I know I already have -- even if he did not know it yet.

I laughed darkly and shook my head.  "I would think not.  You are sleeping around with Malfoy after all," I said nonchalantly.  She could have chosen anybody... but Malfoy?  Really?  That would be like me crawling back to Morgan.  "And from my understanding of it, it's been going on since the beginning of summer.  I mean, it makes sense now.  Everything that had been happening or not happening over the summer."  I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head.  "I know it hasn't been easy for you, Addie.  It hasn't been easy for me.  Do you think I like being in this chair?  I work my ass off to get out of it... and it only backfires on me.  And to think that you are with me only because you think it would break me so badly that I would not be able to come out of it?  That's what it feels like, Addison.  You're with me out of pity?  That's bullshit.  I have tried so hard for you... between everything we have been through during our entire relationship.  And then this on top of it all?  I have been able to look past so much that has happened between us.  But do you know what I see when I Look at you now?  A stranger.  I don't even recognize you, Addie," I said to her, gad that I was able to just vent uninterrupted.  The tears in her eyes did not even phase me.  I was much too livid for them to.

I bit my lip, trying to keep tears from falling down my cheeks.  I deserved this; I did this.  I took a deep breath.  "Dean... I am so sorry..." I said, pleading with him.  "I know it was wrong.  But I am not wiht you out of pity... Dean, I love you.  That's why I am with you.  There's no pity there.. I just love you," I told him knowing that I had a funny way of showing how I felt about him.  "I was just confused.... I didn't know what to do.  And you've been so distant lately, I didn't want to throw any other worries or concrns at you.  We're losing you, Dean.  You're losing yourself... I didn't want to put anything else on your shoulders where it would make you slip away from us that much faster.  I know, nothing makes what I did OK, but I just... I had no idea what to do."  I went to reach for his hand and he moved his chair back away from me.  I had hardly ever seen Dean look this angry.  Only few things made him this upset... I have seen him remove himself from situations so he would show no emotion -- but when he did show emotion, it was bad.  I knew this was far worse than anything else we had ever gone through.  Before he would just shut down; it took a lot for him to break down in anger or sadness or anything.

I shook my head at her.  "Don't.  Just don't," I said shortly.  "Most of the time when people don't know what to do about their marriage they go to their spouse... not the arms of another man.  I thought that was just common courtesy.  I guess I was wrong.  Addie, I want you gone.  I don't want you here anymore."  I really did not want to hurt the kids... but they all knew.  I knwo they did.  They were all hurt, too, already.

How could it be something so simple for Dean?  That was what it seemed like.  I knew that I had hurt him, but for him to just come to this decision so quickly?  "Dean, please, don't do anything rash.  I... just listen to me okay?" I pleaded with him, unsure of where to even begin to get my thoughts together.  I took a deep breath.  There was more to it.  Despite being careful, I had gotten pregnant.  How could I tell Dean that?  I knew that it was Draco's... how was I supposed to work on my marriage with being pregnant with Draco's child?  "I know I've hurt you.  But Dean... I don't even know how to tell you this -- I just want to be honest, though.  I'm pregnant..."  I kenw that would not go over very well at all.  But I had to tell him.  If we were going to try to save anything in our marriage, I needed to be truthful.

She wanted to be honest?  Was it not a little late for that?  I took a deep breath and stared at her when she announced the latest news of what had happened.  It took so much energy not to flip out on her.  "Sounds like you and Malfoy will be having a nice little family, then, aren't you?" I said sarcastically.  What did she expect from me?  There was no way that I was going to be working on our marriage now that I knew that...

I bit my lip, trying to keep tears from falling down my cheeks.  "Dean... Please, try to understand," I pleaded, not wanting this to end horribly like I knew was inevitable.  We needed to be able to talk about this.  We were married... we had to try to at least talk about this.  I wanted it to work out with Dean -- that was why I ended things with Draco.  I just did not expect to be pregnant.

I shook my head at her.  "I don't need to," I said simply, starting to get my anger in check.  I was pushing it down and shutting down like I normally did.  "You need to leave."  I did not want to look at her anymore.  I was so tired of all of this already and I knew it was just beginning...

"At least let me explain myself," I said to him, trying not to sound like I was pleading.  I just wanted to try to get him to understand why I did what I did.  I knew the kids already knew -- Dona had told me so.  But that did not mean I did not want to speak to them about this, too.

"I don't want to hear it," I spat at her, trying to keep myself a little bit contained.  I needed to stay in some sort of control of my emotions... though, let's face it, no Black was good at doing that.

"But Dean --" I stopped speaking when I saw the look in his eyes.  This was even worse than what I could have expected.  I stood up and sighed.  "Can we at least discuss what we're going to do about all of this?  Or...?" I trailed off, thinking it might be best not to say anything else right now anyways.  But we did need to talk about what was going to happen between us.

I shook my head.  "There's nothing to discuss," I said simply.  "I mean, you cheated.  You're pregnant.  There's no way I'm going to stay with you.  The lawyers can deal with the custody issue of our kids."  I wanted nothing more than for Addison to get out of my house.

He was being so short with me, something I should have expected.  I fought back tears and started to walk towards the door.  "So this is it, then...?" I asked, wondering what we were going to do completely with everything.