Beautiful sorrow -- June 2020

I had just recently graduated from Hogwarts.  I knew what was expected of me.  And I was definitely okay with doing it in all of my years growing up with Dad and being on the dark side.  But when my dad went after Professor Lupin... it broke ties with the other Greyback family.  I thought that blood was important... but apparently Dad forgot about that.  That was when I started wavering, though I never let it on that I was. 

I bit my lip, standing on the property line of Birch Run, watching Aunt Lucy gardening.  Would she even want to talk to me?  I was wearing something completely out of my normal attire -- just a pair of sandals, shorts, and a light colored crop top.  I took a deep breath and let it out.  I knew Uncle Ayden was probably at work so it would just be a girl talk, which was good, right?

Walking forward, I saw Aunt Lucy straighten her shoulders.  She could not have heard me -- I was very quiet in my approach -- I think she just sensed me.  I wrapped my arms around myself feeling very vulnerable.  "Aunt Lucy?" I asked, moving closer.  My voice sounded so young.  I was a young woman; I was mature; I did not ask for help.  End of discussion... yet here I was, seeking my aunt who most likely did not want to see me.

I was just weeding in the flower garden when I felt like I was being watched.  I straightened up and started looking around casually.  That was when I heard a little girl's voice.  I turned around and saw that it was Mina... and she did not look like her normal self.  That concerned me.  I stood up, taking off my gardening gloves, and went to her.

"Mina?  What's wrong?" I asked her, pulling her into a hug.  I was surprised that she did not resist.  I knew things were very hard with our families as of late, and she never really liked me once she got older, but if she came to me looking the way she was... I knew a hug was the right thing to do.  I hoped that I could do something for her.

I let Aunt Lucy hug me and I realized how much I wished I had a mum.  I never let that thought cross my mind because Dad did his best.  I wanted to be just like him.  Always did.  Always.  but I was just mentally freaking out because I lost my best mate this year... and the guy I loved betrayed me... and I did not know what to do.  I was a mess.  And it was making me doubt whether I wanted to be what I was.  But I wanted to make Dad proud.  Why was I going to Aunt Lucy?  I knew what she would say... she was one of them.

I wrapped my arms around her -- surprisingly -- and took a shaky breath.  My confidence was shattered at the moment.  "I'm sorry to barge in," I started, pulling away from my aunt and looking into her blue eyes.  "I just... sorta wanted to talk...?"

I pushed loose hair away from her face and smiled gently at her.  I kept one arm around her shoulders.  "Come... let's have a cupe of tea," I said to her, leading her into the house.  I had not entirely known whether or not she would ever want to talk, but I knew that I had to be prepared for if she ever would find an error in he rways... if that was what this was.  And by the fact that she was no longer dressed like, well, a whore and she seemed so light compared to her usual darkness, I had a feeling that was what was goign on.

I followed Aunt Lucy towards the house that I have not been to in at least a couple of years... not since Dad tore the family apart.  I was still stunned that she was even speaking to me.  "Thank you," I said to her quietly, sitting down when she motioned for me to do so.

We did not speak while she made the tea; I did not even speak when she set it down in front of me.  I sat there, running my fingers over the brim of the steaming mug for a few minutes before I decided to say anything else.  "Did you know my mother?" I asked.  "I mean... know her, know her.  Not just seeing her... did you ever talk with her about the future?"  I wanted to know if my mother ever knew what kind of man my dad was and if she had wanted me to be this evil little creature that my dad was turning me into.  Hell, he did turn me into one.  But after being betrayed and hurt so much... I was so lost and confused.

I was not exactly expecting that one.  "well, I did not know her well," I said honestly.  "But we did speak of a future where we could bring our kids to play and have family get-togethers.  When she got pregnant with you, she had hoped that it would spark a bit of a change in your dad..." I trailed off, not entirely sure what Mina wanted to hear or if I could give her hte information that she sought.

We were silent again for a little while and I let Wilhelmina gather her thoughts.  "Mina... what is it that you're really here about?" I questioned gently.

I looked up from my mug of tea.  "She wanted him to change?" I questioned quietly.  "She knew he was a monster but saw hope for him?"  I could not beleive those words just left my mouth.  I never would have ever said that about my dad before.

I took a sip of my tea and nodded at Mina.  "Yes, she thought there was hope," I said to her quietly.  I looked at Mina closely as she sat there.  "Mina... what's going on?" I was rather worried about her.  She just seemed so different.

I felt tears come to my eyes and I refused to look at my auntie.  I cleared my throat a bit.  "Aunt Lucy... I'm... I'm a monster.  There are things that I've done... my mum would hate me," I said, my voice full of sadness.

Still a bit confused and surprised, I shook my head, reaching across the table and taking hold of Mina's hand.  I knew it was bad when she did not even take it away.  "Honey, that's the funny thing about parents," I said to her.  "No matter what their children do -- stupid, mean, horrible -- we always give them another chance.  We always love them unconditionally.  I know your mum would feel the same way because, funnily enough, I'm a mum, too."  I squeezed her hand and waited until she looked at me.  "And, Mina, if you are looking to make amends with the horrible things you've done, you have support here.  You know your uncle and I love you very much.  We always have.  Though some things we may not agree with, we still love you.  We still want to see you be the best person you can be.  We still want to help you even if you push us away."

I stared at my aunt through my tears, stunned.  I could not believe that she was willing to help me.  "I know different things... done some of them, too," I said, my voice sounding shaky and rather childlike.  I looked away from her loving eyes, ashamed of myself and everything that I had let come to pass all to be the perfect child and perfect example of what I thought I was.  At least Rory's true feelings brought me out of the darkness and into the reality of everything.

I had no idea what triggered Wilhelmina to come to me, so I wanted to be careful about everything that I said to her.  I did not want her to be pushed too far with any words that I said that she would run back to Nolan or the darker side of herself.  "All you can do is to try to use the knowledge you have for good," I said tentatively.