If I survive tonight, I wouldn't change a thing -- June 1998

I watched Pansy closely -- I could see the wheels turning in her head.  "No," I said suddenly.  "I'd be killed by Draco if he found out you were on a couch.  You can sleep upstairs... it'll give us something to do, too... cleaning up a bit or something..."  I sighed, taking another bite.  "Just... please, don't ask a lot of questions.  This hasn't been a good place for me."

Juniper and I ended up back at the flat -- the only place I could think of to go at the moment.  I looked at her and I could see how it took everything out of her... just like it did me.  "Here... I can fix something up for our nerves," I suggested.

I started shaking when we got to the flat I had to guid myself to a chair since I didn't think I could stand much longer. I looked down at the dark mark, a real one this time. "I don't think anything will help my nerves." I admitted. Tears clouded my vision but I shook my head to clear them. "You get used to seeing it after a while." I said of the mark. "But I don't think either of us will get used to being one." I took a shaky breath and started scratching it vigorously, knowing Draco would probably stop me since I knew it would start bleeding soon.

I had not even looked at my forearm since I felt the burn; I did not want to see what was there.  I poured us both a drink and handed her a glass.  "If you don't drink it, at least hold it; it'll stop you from scratching," I said to her, glancing down at her arm.  The Mark was so vivid.  I took a long drink and then looked at my sister.  I went to one of the other chairs in the flat and sat down heavily.  "It'll be okay," I assured June.

Lincoln Matthews wrote:I watched Pansy closely -- I could see the wheels turning in her head.  "No," I said suddenly.  "I'd be killed by Draco if he found out you were on a couch.  You can sleep upstairs... it'll give us something to do, too... cleaning up a bit or something..."  I sighed, taking another bite.  "Just... please, don't ask a lot of questions.  This hasn't been a good place for me."

I nodded at him.  "Okay," I said to him gently.  "It's just... I didn't realize that you were related to them..." I had seen some photos and I knew the Carrows.  They were horrid, well, at least the older two were.  The youngest one, Alecto, was a hard book to read.  I had heard she went off hte deep end, but then again... perhaps she was forced to with the family she had.

I sighed heavily and shrugged.  "Alecto wasn't always bad," I said to her quietly, but did not say another word about her.  She changed and I knew it was because of Amycus.  If she was able to get away... perhaps she would have had a chance.  We finished eating in silence and I looked at her.  I knew Pansy.  she was probably exploding with questions.  

"Let's get you settled," I said to her, standing up.  I knew that more questions would be asked.  It was in her nature.

I took the glass Draco offered me, had a sip of the fiery liquid, letting I burn my throat, placed it on the table next to me and continued to scratch my left forearm. I looked up at him and just started for a moment. "How do you know Draco? How do you know it'll be okay this time?" I asked, desperate for answer. "They won. We're one of them."

"They may make us take their Mark... but they cannot change who we truly are," I said to her, grasping at ideas to try to comfort myself just as much as Juniper.  "We are still us.  They cannot take that away."

Lincoln Matthews wrote:I sighed heavily and shrugged.  "Alecto wasn't always bad," I said to her quietly, but did not say another word about her.  She changed and I knew it was because of Amycus.  If she was able to get away... perhaps she would have had a chance.  We finished eating in silence and I looked at her.  I knew Pansy.  she was probably exploding with questions.  

"Let's get you settled," I said to her, standing up.  I knew that more questions would be asked.  It was in her nature.

I nodded and stood up, following Lincoln towards the upstairs.  Lincoln started to slow down as we reached the stairs.  "Lincoln," I said to him gently, "whatever happened here... you don't have to relive it.  We can just stay in the study and kitchen areas."

I looked at Pansy and shook my head.  "It's quite alright," I said to her softly.  "I just... forgot how this place was is all."  I led her to my dad's old bedroom.  I waved my wand and lifted the grime easily.  I could not believe how nothing changed.  Things had faded -- like the wallpaper and photos -- but everything was just the way I tried to forget it to be.  "You'll be alright in here."

He really did not need to do all of this, but I knew that he would probably feel guilty if he did not.  I sighed and sat on the bed.  "Lincoln... so much happened here... I'm sorry," I said, not having to know everything to know that being here brought up horrible memories for Lincoln.

I was not expecting that from Pansy.  I looked at her and tried to shrug it off.  "It is what it is," I said to her quietly.  "You can't undo the past, so I try not to dwell on the horrible things that happened here."

I knew better than to believe that, however, I was not going to push the issue.  "Alright," I said quietly, "if you need to talk, you can come to me.  I won't bother you about it, though, because it had to have been difficult to say the least."

I sighed and shook my head.  "We ought to try to sleep -- you especially," I said.  I knew that I would not sleep at all.  I bade goodnight to Pansy and went downstairs.  I passed a room and stopped, backtracking slightly.  It was my father's study.  It brought back the last time I had been in that room.  He had told me that Genevieve was not my biological mother.

I pushed the door open all the way -- it squeaked as it went on its hinges -- and walked into the dusty room.  The furniture was covered, but the floor was covered in dust.  I walked around the room and waved my wand to light the lamp that was on the desk.  It cast an eerie glow through the filthy shade that was on it.  I looked down on the ground and saw what I thought would be long gone:  the file my father had given me that I tossed to the ground in anger.  I bent down and picked it up, looking inside of it.  My birth certificate and different notes were still inside.