Never turn your back on me -- Late August 2016

I had been going to chemotherapy/radiation therapy for my leukemia.  They wanted to treat it aggressively due to the stage it was in and for the fact that being young, my body could handle it.  It was starting to wear on me, but I was managing.  Until this morning when I got out of bed and stretched.  I walked over to my dresser to gather clothes before going to take a shower.  I looked up into the mirror and dropped the shirt in my hand.  I put a hand over my mouth and y other to my head... my hairless head.  It ahd been getting thinner... but now it was all gone.  I could not help but let out a cry.  I turned to look at my pillow and saw y beautiful red hair on my pillowcase.  I felt weak in my knees and collapsed onto my bed in tears.

Charlie and I were making breakfast when I heard a cry from upstairs.  When my husband started to move forward, I put a hand on his shoulder.  "Let me go talk to her.  Finish cooking the egs and then come up," I said to him softly.  I figured she would appreciate a woman helping he rright now rather than a man.

I nodded.  "Her hair," I said, the thought breaking my heart.  Desdemona had told me that Quinn'a hair was getting more and more thin.  Quinn had not told anyone else that except for her mum.  I wished I could help her more than I could.  I moved back to the stove while Des headed towards our daugther's bedroom.

I kissed Charlie on his cheek as I went to Quinn's room.  I knocked softly before entering.  It brought tears to my eyes when I saw my daughter sitting there holding her hair that had fallen out in her hands, sobbing.  I walked in and sat next to her, putting my arm around her.  I pulled her close and kissed her on the top of her head.  "Sweetie... you're still beautiful," I whispered to her gently.

I sobbed, leaning against my mum.  I shook my head and pulled away.  "Mum, look at me!  I'm bald!  No one would think I'm pretty... this year there's supposed to be a halloween masquerade at school.  It was in the letter..." I started crying again, wrapping my arms around her.  I had hoped that someone would end up asking me to go with them as their date... but now?  I doubted that would happen.

I turned off the stove and went to the hallway outside of Quinn's room.  I looked in and saw Desdemona holding our daughter.  When she argued that she was no longer pretty, I went to the bathroom.  I grabbed the razors and turned them on.  I started to shave my head and beard.  My daugther would not go through this alone.  I finally got rid of all of my curly hair.  I smiled at myself a little bit and ran my hand over my scalp to get rid of any loose hair.  I walked out and nearly ran into Quinn and Desi in the hall.

When I heard the clippers, I pulled away and looked at Mum.  We stood up and I rushed out of my room, Mum at my heels.  When Dad came out of the bathroom, I could not ight a smile.  He looked kind of goofy bald.  I threw my arms around him.  "Daddy... thank you so much!" I said, squeezing him tightly.

I could not believe what Charlie did.  He did not even hesitate.  I walked over to them and joined in on the hug, kissing m wonderful husband.  "Quinn, I think you're much better looking than your dad now," I told her, laughing.

"Hey!  I don't look that bad," I said, grinning at the two of them.  "Breakfast smells really good... why don't we go grab some before it's cold."  I figured my girls would be happy to eat some breakfast.

I giggled and wiped my eyes.  "I do have to agree wtih Mum... you're kind of goofy looking now," I teased.  It was a lot better and easier to tease Dad rather than thinking about me being bald.  I led the way to the kitchen and grabbed som eorange juice to pour us to drink.

I started to dish out some food onto our plates.  We sat down at the table to eat as a family.  I was so happy to see us all together.  It had been a rough summer.  "So honey, how are you feeling?" I asked softly.  I knew this was always a touchy subject.

I shrugged and took a bite of eggs covered in salsa. "I've been feeling a lot better.  I finally have an appettite again... sort of," I said, setting my fork down after eating only a couple of bites.  I was not sure if I could eat anymore without getting sick to my stomach.  "I Just hoped I wouldn't lose my hair before school..."  I pushed the scrambled eggs around my plate with my fork that I picked up again.

I knew I was not the only one who realized Quinn only ate a few bites.  I looked at Des when our daughter mentioned her hair.  "Sweetie... there's options and a little bit of time before school starts up again.  We can make this so you don't have to go to school without hair if you don't want to," I told her, putting jam on some toast.

I put a hand on Quinn's arm.  "We can go out today to buy a wig... and a dress for the masquerade," I suggested.  "WE coul dget all the girls involved.  Aunt Lenni and the twins, Aunt Hermione and Lauryn."  I thought that it may help Quinn feel better.  Or it was going to be too much all at once.

I was not entirely sure what I wanted to do.  "I don't know... will they laugh at me?" I asked quietly.  I knew my cousins and aunts would nto laugh at me on purpose.  But I also did not want to see pity in their eyes either.  I could not look at either one of my parents when I said that.