I knew I loved you---- 4 October 1980

Hope Howell wrote:I stood there after Remus said goodbye to me.  Well, that could have been worse... but it could have been far better.  I took a shaky breath and kept my chin held high and started to walk off the dance floor.  That was when a hand was placed on my shoulder.  I looked and saw that it was John.  My John.  I loved my husband dearly, but he would never be my Jonathan Lupin.  I smiled at him.  "I'm sorry to have caused a scene," I said to him, surprised my voice sounded so strong.  "You have raised a beautiful man."  I helped to raise the boy to a point, but John raised a man that any mother would be proud of, even if he did not want a thing to do with his mother.

I knew that Chloe had gone out to check on Remus.  The things that Remus and Hope said to each other still hung in the air.  I would address the things said with Cathie after I dealt with my ex-wife.  She was headed off the dance floor when I caught up to her, putting a hand on Hope's shoulder.  I led her to the side of the room, hoping that James, Sirius, or Peter would help get things back to normal with the guests -- no matter how few there were.  

"He is wonderful," I said to her; we always agreed how brilliant Remus was and would be.  "How did you find out about his wedding?" It was painful looking at Hope.  She had been my first true love and it had been so strong.  The hardest decision in my life was leaving her behind; but someone had to be with Remus.  It was too dangerous for her.

I could not believe what we had just witnessed.  I looked over at Sirius and Peter.  Remus hardly ever spoke of his mother... and from what we overheard, now I knew why.  I could tell that Ember looked very uncomfortable.  I was glad that Chloe went out to help her new husband.  I looked at the guys.  "Should we try to do anything?"  I mean, Jonathan was speaking with Remus's mum.

I looked at James.  "Just act normal," I said.  "I'm going to go talk to Cathie, though.  This has to be terribly awkward for her."  Besides, it would get me away from the guys who had to notice that I was nto nearly as surprised as everyone else was.

I sighed and smiled slightly at him.  "I kept getting owl post," I said to him, shaking my head a bit.  "I had always wanted to make sure Remus wasn't revealed or made the news or anything like that.  "I do apologize for disrupting... I just... I love him, John.  He's my son." I felt tears come to my eyes.  "I wanted to see him on his happiest day... I know that is selfish of me.  I've missed so much, though.  I saw a chance and I had to take it."

I slipped away from Mumma and went over to Daddy.  'Daddy!  Up!" I said, giggling.

I could not believe what had happened.  I started to make sure everyone had drinks... that would help, right?

Hope Howell wrote:I sighed and smiled slightly at him.  "I kept getting owl post," I said to him, shaking my head a bit.  "I had always wanted to make sure Remus wasn't revealed or made the news or anything like that.  "I do apologize for disrupting... I just... I love him, John.  He's my son." I felt tears come to my eyes.  "I wanted to see him on his happiest day... I know that is selfish of me.  I've missed so much, though.  I saw a chance and I had to take it."

I took a deep breath and had to understand where she was coming from.  I put a hand on her shoulder.  "I know," I said to her.  "And I am sorry you missed his whole life basically... but it was either him on his own or him having one of us.  You know that."  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and that was when Penny came running over.  I instinctively bent down and scooped her up when she jumped.  I put her on my hip and adjusted her bow and then looked at Hope again.

"A lot has changed, Hope.  I don't know if Remus will want you back in his life," I continued.  "I am engaged again and am starting a family again... Penny here is mine.  Hope... I don't know what you expected.  You're even married, too.  You started over."  It took me a long time to be able to start over and now Hope returned.  I loved her still, but I loved Cathie just as much.  I was not going to pass up my daughter and fiancee and a new life just because Hope returned.  Clearly a lot more happened between her and Remus that I was not aware of.

I smiled at John and shook my head.  "I did not expect anything to happen with us, John," I assured him.  "I will always love you, but I am happy in my marriage... I have another as well."  I sighed, unsure what else to say to the man who would really always have my heart.  "There's just a lot with Remus that I wish he would let me explain... clearly he's rather upset by everything.  I think it would be best if I just left."

I could not say that I was surprised to see Remus's mother make an appearance... but I would have figured that Remus would have invited her.  I looked at Ember when she came over to me and smile.  "Ah, dear, there's nothing to fret about," I assured her, knowing that she was worried about me.  It was not like I did not know the baggage that John had.  "I'm worried about Remus and Chloe."

I was surprised by how calmly Hope and I were.  She was clearly not surprised by me having moved on.  I, however, was a bit surprised she had another.  I was happy for her, though.  Hope got a life that Remus and I could not give to her.  I sighed.  "Remus just needs time... This was quite a shock for him," I said to Hope.  "I'm not sure what he'll decide to do.  Perhaps leaving would be best."  I was not sure hwta to tell Hope when it came to Remus.  I did not want him to feel uncomfortable at his own wedding reception.

I looked between myself and Prongs as Ember simply walked away from us. Thinking she was hiding something from me. Great...I suppose I will find out about the whole thing later. Rolling my eyes as it seemed the entire crowd were just watching the drama that was unfolding in front of them. " Oi....let's get things going shall we?" I asked the guys as I helped myself to the music and turned it up so people would mind their own bloody business.

I rubbed my hands together and figured that getting the celebration started again was definitely mine and Sirius' forte.  I motioned towards the band to get a good beat going.  If something fast was playing, I was sure that it would help get things moving again.  "Shots all around?!" I shouted as a suggestion, thinking that might help as well.

Nodding to Prongs," Sounds good to me." I said as I helped myself to the firewhiskey. " Ladies and Gents the dance floor is WIDE open! So grab yourself a dance partner and get out there" I said as I strode around the room holding onto my own supply of firewhiskey which conveniently still in my grasp. I took peoples hands and pulled the out of there chairs, the thing with Ember eating at me. I had to keep busy as I laughed when people were finally listening to Prongs and I.

I looked over at Padfoot and sighed. "Go talk to her about it," I said, unsure what was going on and I could totally tell that something was bothering him and it had to deal with my little sister. "There's no point in not talking to her... get it out now."

Shaking my head, " It's moony's day I'm not going to spoil it by turning sour." I told him honestly. I hated my temper sometimes I couldn't help it. I hated it, but my temper is not something I enjoy I can't ruin Moonys day for him no matter how grumpy I am. I figure I'll just drink my troubles away. " Prongs,don't let me get stupid."