In your reflection, he lives in you -- Fall 1980

I still found it hard to live with myself after what happened with Hunter; especially with Greyback telling me that I was the stronger wolf and that I did well for myself and that was what he was looking for to ignite the spark within the other pack members.  Someone as cold as me to have the power and strength to kill my own brother.  I was almost starting to believe him.  But then there was Lupin... he tried to help all of us kids.  I was not sure how I felt about that.  Even before killing Hunter, Greyback had my twin and I do many things... and I had enjoyed some of it.  I constantly glared at Lupin whenever he tried to help the younger kids -- the ones who were not as hardened as I was. 

Lupin was sitting in our underground tunnels by a little fire by himself.  It was getting damp and chillier each night.  Granted, the weather did not affect us as much as it did humans, but it was still nice to have fires as long as they were not large enough to attract attention from others.  He was always by himself; no matter how hard he tried, Greyback kept him at bay.  Even though Lupin passed every single test Greyback set forth.  Being just a kid, I did have a hard time with everything.  But I hated the world.  My parents abandoned me and Hunter when they found out what we were... at least that is how the story goes.  We had been with the pack for a few years before this summer.

The tunnels had puddles of water in them and I stepped in one on accident, making Lupin start and look around with his tired eyes.  They landed on me and he relaxed a bit -- but not completely.  I was a wild card to him.  He had taken a liking to me, though.  That much I knew.  In a knit cardigan, faded slacks, and a patched up cloak, he still looked far better than any other member of the pack.  They were all animals.  He smiled slightly at me and pulled a bar of chocolate out of his pocket and waved me over to sit on a crate next to him.

After a slight hesitation, I walked over to him, avoiding looking at any water that was settled in holes divets in the ground.  I sat on the crate and took the chocolate without saying a word.  I stared at the fire and realized that there was no wood.  "He'll be displeased that you're using magic," I said.

I had gone off by myself as per usual to sit in a corner and attempt to get some rest.  I was counting down the days that I would see Will again... my newborn son.  I rubbed my hands together, wishing that I could be wearing my wedding band.  I should be on a honeymoon or something of the sort, but Chloe was at home with our few month old son and I was stuck down here in the underbelly of Bristol... trying to get intel for the Order.  I had drifted off to sleep and heard someone step in a puddle and it startled me out of the doze.

I looked to see who it was and saw the young boy who seemed so hardened to the world.  EVeryone called him Collins; only I took the time to find out that his first name was Liam.  I smiled at him and pulled som echocolate out of my tattered robes and motioned for him to join me.  I was surprised he did.

His first words to me for the evening were of no surprise; magic was not allowed down in the tunnels near any werewolf.  I shrugged.  "Then let him be displeased with me," I replied simply.  We chewed our chocolate in silence.  I looked down at the boy.  "You look like you haven't been eating much."  However, neither had I.  The way Greyback made you practically fight over your food like wild dogs... it was enough for me to merely eat enough to get by and then gorge myself when I got home.  Liam, however, had no other option being a part of this pack.

I raised my eyebrows at Lupin in a bit of shock.  I knew that he stood up to Greyback, but to flat out do something like this... that took guts.  I merely chewed on another piece of chocolate.  "That happens in the pack sometimes," I replied.  My stomach growled slightly, making his point more evident.

I hated the way we had to get food from the pack.  I normally went out to find my own without having to fight the other children for it.  Greyback loved the hostility of everyone fighting over food and giving into their animalistic behaviors.  Sometimes I did... I was doign it more and more; then I thought of Hunter.  He never wanted to do that.  And so I would regret falling for Greyback's ruse and then went to find my own food.

It hurt to see this little boy not care that they were close to starving if they did not fight for their food.  He should not have to do that.  "I could get you some food," I offered, knowing that I could bring him some of the meals that I ate whenever I went back home to Will and Chloe.  

The boy, Liam, did not look like he cared.  I wanted to get through to him, but I was not entirely sure how to do so.  "You don't like it when I speak to the other children," I stated simply.  I knew that he never came forward when I told stories of Hogwarts and performed small magical things, but he was always there in the background... almost wanting to come into the group, but at the same time, wanting to stay as far away as possible.

I looked at Lupin and shrugged.  "I don't want them to be punished because of something you're doing," I stated.  There were times that the kids spoke of the magical stories and Greyback would punish them.  Lupin may not realize it happened, but it did.  and that was why I did not agree with it.  The stories and what he showed the kids were kind of cool, but it was not worth it in the end.

I was one of the eldest children in the colony and it was my responsibility to make sure the younger ones were okay.  I felt like a brother again at times.  I, however, was the one to get punsihed as well if things were not done the way Greyback wanted them.  A lot of hte times, he would have me punish the other children after I was already beaten or starved ro whatever by Greyback.

My little prodigy was not in his normal nook.  It did not worry me; he wandered off but always found his way home.  I made sure the younger ones stayed on track, however, with the overall plan.  I saw Lupin off by himself and I saw that Collins was near him.  My eyes narrowed and I stayed back.  They were just talking for now... even though Lupin was using magic.  That would be punished soon enough.

I looked at the young child -- so old in his shoes.  "I know," I said to him.  "I don't want them to be punished, either.  But they need to know that there are options other than this life."  I wanted to get through to Liam.  He was one of the toughest ones -- but the fact that he was sitting here with me showed promise.

I laughed darkly when Lupin said that.  "Right," I said.  "Just like you?  Look where you ended up... right back down here with the rest of us."  I shook my head.  "Believe me... your stories are great.  Clearly it happened.  But you still ended up with the rest of us... there's no other life."

This ten year old's skepticism and adult-like sneer was saddening to see.  I wished I could tell him what was really going on -- but I could not.  He would end up telling Greyback; they were rather close.  Liam was the one child who hardly ever let me speak to him alone because of Greyback.  

"There is nothing wrong with having hope," I said to Liam gently.  "Don't we all have hope that the Dark Lord will make the world a place in which we can thrive above ground and with humanity?" Of course, I hoped that would not happen because I knew that Voldemort would never keep his promises to things such as werewolves; no one ever did.

I looked away from the flames and then at Lupin.  I could not believe what I had just heard him say.  "I don't think any of us would use the word hope to describe that, though," I said to Lupin honestly yet quietly.

I raised my eyebrow at the young boy.  "What makes you say that?" I questioned.  Maybe there was actually something to this young boy that I could hopefully get through to.

I took a deep breath and shrugged. "I don't know," I mumbled, regretting saying it aloud. "Nevermind. It's not a big deal." I looked away from Lupin because I had a feeling he would see that I did not believe Greyback as much as I was supposed to.