I just can't put out this love -- Winter Break 1998-99

I was reading the paper and drinking a cup of joe when my son walked into the living room.  I looked up and smiled at him.  I had not realized he was awake.  It was rather early for being on holiday from school. "Max!  What's going on, son?" I asked.  I wondered what could bring him up at such an early hour.  "You look a bit preoccupied..."

I laughed and ran a hand through my extremely messy bed hair.  "Just because I'm up right now doens't mean that something's wrong," I pointed out to my dad.  I was just really nervous and since I got this idea in my head about asking Ellie to marry me, I needed to get this off my mind.  I had to know what my dad -- my best mate, really -- thought about everything.

I was not sure if I believed that statement, but I decided to just roll with it.  "Alright, so nothing's wrong," I conceded, still looking at Max with curiosity.  "What has you up at this hour, then?" I inquired, taking a sip of my coffee while I waited for an answer.

"nerves," I told him honestly.  I poured some juice and then sat down.  "I mean, I'm not nervous because it's something I want to do.  But I'm still nervous because it's huge... and some people may advise me against it..."

I raised my eyebrows at my son.  "Advise you against what?" I asked cautiously.  I mean... what was my son getting at?

I shrugged and did not look at my dad for a moment.  "Well... I really want toknow your opinion on me and Ellie," I said tohim.  "Bcause, Dad, she is the woman of my dreams..."

I grinned at my son.  Okay, so it was this type of conversation.  "I think Ellie is completely adorable," I said to him honestly.  "And it's obvious she makes you very happy."

I was relieved that Dad did not seem too bad about this type of conversation.  "She really does, Dad," I said. "Have you ever felt that... like, no matter what happens good or bad, it'd be made fantastic as long as you can tell someone about it?  Did you have that with Mum?"

I had felt like that -- once.  Unfortunately it was not the way I felt with Max's mother, but i still had loved her.  I smiled at my son.  "yeah, I know the feeling you are talking about," I assured him.

I realized he did not answer my question quite the way I expected.  Then everything dawned on me.  "Oh... Mrs. Black," I said slowly, sitting down, wondering why I ever missed it before.  Well, except for hte reason that I was a just a kid then.

I looked at Max and sighed.  "Don't worry about that," I said to Max quietly.  "Go on with what you were saying."  I did not want to distract him or make him feel bad for anything.

I stared at my dad, having lost my train of thought.  "Erm... where was I?" I asked, chuckling a bit.  "Oh, right... well, I'm thinking that Ellie might be the cause of that feeling, you know?"

I raised my eyebrow at Max.  "So what you're saying is that you love Ellie?" I asked to clarify.

I chuckled and nodded.  "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," I assured my dad.  "And, well, I want to do something about it."  I was rather nervous about telling Dad what I wanted to do.

I inclined my head slightly as he spoke.  "Okay," I replied slowly, "so does that mean you'r elooking fo ra flat together or something more?"  I had a feeling it was something more iwht the way Max was talking about it.  I was not entirely sure if he was ready for that yet, though.