It's been written in the scars on our hearts, we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply, held it for a moment and let it out slowly. I shook my head slowly. "No, it definitely wasn't Father's loved that saved me." I said, barely able to contain the bitterness in my voice, "It was more sibling love, twin love actually." I though of when Draco killed Dumbledore just to save my life, "or future fiancé love." I sadly smiled up at him as I opened my eyes. Thoughts of how he had helped me with my addiction came to my mind. Without him, I was sure I wouldn't have made it through.

I felt my face harden as I brought my knees closer to my chest. I shook my head "He had no right to do that to you. You're an innocent kid on the day of your brother's funeral." I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of Lincoln being hurt by my Father and did my best to blink them back. "Draco and I are one thing but you are not his child. He shouldn't have done or said anything to you." If it wasn't for his arm around me, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself as composed. "You knew it was my Father when you saw him at the hospital, you recognized him. But you still asked me to marry you?" This is what confused me, he knew who I was, knew my Father, knew more of my story then most, and yet still asked me to marry him. I shook my head, not really understanding why he did ask me to marry him when he knew all about me.

As I thought of Austin, it brought to the forefront of my mind something about Lincoln. If my nightmares ever got to bad for me and I stayed up at night, I would usually hear him talk in his sleep. It always sounded like a nightmare to me but I was scared to wake him up. "You dream about losing Austin don't you? And using magic for the first time?" I looked up at him as I spoke, hoping to see the truth. "You talk in your sleep sometimes. It sounds like nightmares." I informed him gently.

<< I think I remember you saying this is what he talks about in his sleep.....let me know if I'm wrong and need to fix it at all, I can edit it if you' like .....>>

I kissed the top of her head and held her a little more tightly.  "I asked you to marry me because I love you... and you are nothing like your father," I assured her.  There was no hesitation in my mind when I asked her to marry me.  I knew it was what I wanted.

I bit my lip when she brought up my nightmares -- which seemed to happen nearly every night.  I had just gotten used to it.  I never knew I spoke in my sleep, though.  I could only imagine what the other guys in the dorm at Hogwarts used to think.  I looked at Juniper and sighed.  "And much more," I said quietly.  "I never really knew that I spoke in my sleep, though.  I'm sorry if I keep you up..."  Flashes of Austin's death, the first time I used magic, Lucius hurting me, my dad dying, the day I had to move in with my grandparents, the big fight that I had with my grandparents that nearly killed me -- though that day ended up saving my life because Chloe and Remus Lupin became my saviors, and there were so many other incidences... they all haunted me in my dreams.  And, sadly, they all ended with me seeing my mother's face looming out of the darkness the effects of Azkaban showing.

When he held me tighter, the left sleeve of his t-shirt I had been wearing rolled up slightly and I looked down to see my Mark. I took my right hand and rubbed it over the Mark, forcing myself not to scratch it. It wouldn't make a difference, no matter how much I want it to. "I'm more like him then I care to admit." I said with a shaky breath, a tear escaping down my cheek.

I looked up at him when he mentioned his dreams and shook my head. "It's not your talking that keeps me up." I assured him. It was my dreams, or more acuretlly my nightmares, that made sleep for me difficult. Between Aunt Bellatrix attack, Draco being forced to kill an innocent man just to protect me, the horrible week after his resistance when I wasn't sure if he would survive, the war and everything else in between, my dreams didn't seem much better than his. I sighed as I looked back down and began tracing a scar on his arm. "It's not your dreams." I added so softly, I wasn't sure if he heard me. "I can make you some dreamless sleep potion if you'd like. I've made it for Draco before." I offered, my voice at it's normal volume, hoping to distract him if he did hear my last sentence.

I shook my head.  In some sick way, I never wanted my dreams to stop.  When Austin was involved, that was the only time I still was able to see him.  And as for the other memories and nightmares, it was a way for me to never forget everything that I went through to get to where I was.  "It sounds like you need some, though," I said to her.  If she thought that I did not hear her, she was mistaken.

I had started tracing another scar, working my way up his arm, when he spoke. I tensed and suddenly stopped tracing the scar I was working on. I took a shaky breath, could he have really heard what I had just said? I shook my head. "I don't know what you're talking about." I couldn't turn to look up at him, I knew he would see the truth in my eyes. He had enough to deal with with his own nightmares, he didn't need to know about mine. "We can talk about some of your nightmares if you want." I was attempting to distract him.

I sighed, looking down at the scar she was tracing.  That was one that came from my grandparents.  I smiled slightly at her attempt to get me to focus on myself rather than her; the thing was, neither one of us enjoyed speaking of ourselves and our own problems.  "Well, I could always make the potion and we could both take some," I suggested, thinking it might end up doing us both some good despite my odd wants of wanting to remember everything.  "Well... we could speak of them.  Nearly every one of them has a corresponding scar -- whether it be emotional or physical.  Do you see a mark that you are more curious about?" To me, the nightmares blurred from one to another without much of a difference, but if there were some that were more interesting looking to June, then I would tell her about them.  I know that there was one mark near my collar bone on my left side that was from my grandfather's gun... it was after that when I was taken in by the Lupins... that fight nearly killed me.

"A nightmare for a nightmare?" I asked, finally tuning to face him. He was being so open with me right now, I felt I needed to return the favour. We could exchange stories of what haunted our dreams. I shrugged off the dreamless sleep potion. "That's up to you. We can brew it together maybe." I suggested. When he asked if there was a mark that I was curious about I pulled away from him slightly so I could see his whole chest. I couldn't believe how many scars there were. How could someone do that to a child? Although, with my upbringing, it didn't surprise me as much as it should've. Most of it was covered with the scar from his first bit of magic but I saw one near his left collar bone. I tiled my head slightly, crossing my legs so I was facing Lincoln and began tracing it. After a moment, I looked back up at him. "What's this one from Lincoln?"

I looked down at the scar she was tracing -- not that I needed to.  "That one nearly killed me and yet saved my life at the same time," I said softly.  I took a deep breath, realizing that I had not spoken of all of this in such a long time it seemed.  "My grandparents are Muggles... they use Muggle weaponry against me whenever they did anything.  And, unfortunately, being in a muggle home, I couldn't defend myself like I was sort of able to do with my parents without being caught.  And I needed to go back to Hogwarts -- it was my home," I explained.  "There was a fight -- it started out verbal and then... well, it escalated.  They shot me... hoping to finish me completely, I'm guessing.  But then again, I didn't stick around to ask them.  I ended up at St. Mungo's... barely alive.  Because, in the same fight, I got this one... and this one... and one that's on my thigh in the same fight."  I sighed and shook my head.  "That was when the Lupins stood up and kept me from going back there... I was saved.  Though that was difficult in itself to get used to being safe..."  I shook my head.  Will and Lucy had to learn some boundaries when I arrived, but it all worked out for the best.

I kept tracing the scar, over and over as he spoke, slowing my progress until I stopped when he had finished. I learned a bit about Muggle weaponry from Muggle Studies when I took it in third year. Father had been furious when he had found out and made sure I didn't take it again. My eyes had widened, I shook my head slowly. "I can't believe that. I am so sorry that happened to you. I am happy that the Lupins took you in though." He deserved someone like them in his life, he deserved to be safe and happy. "And I am glad that they didn't finish you completely though. How would I've survived without you?" With everything that happened in my sixth year, I had needed Lincoln more than I care to admit, I have no idea how I would've gotten though that horrible year without him. I shook my head again, this time to clear it and took a deep breath. "Now, I'm not sure if I talk in my sleep too but....do you have any questions for me?" I was trying to be open with him but I wasn't sure what he would ask about. The night up in the Astronomy Tower when my brother killed and innocent man, the horrible time where I gave Draco the cure, the events that led to Lincoln and Pansy running away, what had happened to us before he found us during the war? I was sure he had a general idea of the stories but, for some reason, right now, I was willing to go into more details then usual.

I shook my head at her and shrugged slightly.  "Nothing that I wasn't used to by then," I said simply.  It still haunted me, but there was not a way to change the past.  "I'm not so easily finished off... it would have taken a lot more than that to do the job."  I tried to not focus on what I could not change - despite hot horrible it all was.  With my arm around her shoulders, my finger tracing absentmindedly on her skin on her arm.  

"You mumble about your aunt and father a lot," I said to her, though I could guess different things from the vagueness she spoke of that happened and what I have observed.  I stayed quiet a lot and I was able to see more than what I think that Juniper and Draco realized.

Children should not have to get used to things like that, but it seemed liked the Malfoy's and the Matthews didn't always follow the rules, if ever. I shook my head, knowing it was useless to be dwelling on the past. I looked up at him and smiled. "I, for one, am glad that you are so strong. And I am going to make sure nothing like that ever happens to you again." I promised. I would do anything it make sure his future was much better than his past. He was marrying me, which wouldn't help, but I would make sure he made up for it somehow.

"I mumble in my sleep or is this just in general?" I tried to lighten the mood but I took a shaky breath when he mentioned Aunt Bellatrix and Father. I was glad he was tracing my skin, the movement seemed to have a calming effect and it allowed me to continue. "That makes sense, most of my nightmares are related to one or both." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It may be easier for you to tell me what you already know about certain things. Whatever you want, I can fill in the details."

I shrugged, dismissing the notion of what happened to me.  "I'm not too concerned about myself anymore.  I can handle anything thrown at me," I said simply.  Even if I could not handle it, I sure as hell made it look like I could.

I looked down at June and sighed.  "I can't exactly describe everything that I notice," I spoke softly.  "But I can tell you are almost more fearful of your aunt than your father.  She seems to be the one who takes action whereas your father is all about threats and intimidation -- for the most part."  I would not forget any time soon what he had done to me.

"Well I'm concerned about you." I informed him simply. "And you will never have to handle anything like that ever again." I gave him the best smile I could at this point before I sighed and burrowed my head a bit deeper into his chest.

"That's true." I replied softly. "Its like she cares about the Malfoy reputation as much as Father does." I took a shaky breath. "She is more likely to take action...." I brought my legs even closer to my body, trying to hold myself together. "I'm not sure what you know of the night Junes brother completed his task, but their Aunt Bellatrix was there...." I automatically started taking in third person, continuing from the story in the cemetery where I told him about my attack. I wasn't sure I really wanted to talked about this anymore but if he had any questions or wanted to know about it, I would force myself to.

I pursed my lips, not entirely sure about that, but I did not want to argue with her.  I held her tightly when she spoke and I nodded slightly, knowing exactly where this was going.  "And she hurt you... using you to manipulate draco," I finished for her, looking down at Juniper, surprised that I had actually said it aloud.  I have never felt worse for draco before -- he was turned into a murderer because someone he loved was hanging in the balance.  I understood that all too well, I just never got pushed that far.  And Juniper... having to endure that pain.  I understood that aspect all too well, also.

I had closed my eyes as he talked, although it just allowed that horribly night play in my mind. I shuddered slightly as I nodded. "She did. But that's not the whole story." I sighed and took a shaky breath, bracing myself to say something's I hardly talked to Draco about, never mind anyone else. "Everything that happened that night was my fault." I wasn't sure I wanted to go into details but I knew he would argue. He did not know the whole story though. So I forced myself to explain. "I wasn't at the top of the tower until Greyback found me and dragged me up there." I found if easier to speak in first person since Lincoln had, so I continued with that. "I was trying to protect some first years. I heard them scream. Ran over. Tried to distract him. He brought me to the top of the tower." I finally opened my eyes and looked up at him. "Draco told me later that Dumbledore said he could've helped us, could've prevented Draco from completing his task." I took another shaky breath and shook my head again. "If only I was dead, or if I didn't hear the screams, if only I tried to get under Greyback's skin, got him to focus on just me instead of Draco and I, I could've bought him time. It could've all been prevented. I could've prevented it all." I felt tears running down my face so I burrowed against his chest again so he couldn't see them. "But I didn't."