Somebody help me tame this animal -- Summer 1980

I sighed and took off my glasses, pinching the bridge of my nose.  I replaced my spectacles and looked at Remus.  "I will not pretend to comprehend the discomfort of the task that I ask you to do, Remus," I explained to him.  "But, unfortunately, you are the only one that I trust to be in such a seedy environment.  You have retrieved valuable information -- such as only Greyback is a Death Eater... though, that does not entirely work in our favor, it is better than the whole clan being Death Eaters."

I looked at the Headmaster, knowing that he was trying to help me the best that he could.  I sighed.  "I know, I know," I said quietly.  "I know that I'm the only person who can do this job.  But... I'm going to lose it.  I don't know what I'm going to be able to do to keep myself... me."  I really hoped that he understood what I meant.

I smiled at Remus.  "You'll keep yourself the way you always have in the past, Remus, and that is wiht the most powerful magic of all:  love," I told him simply.  "Your friends nad family have always been there for you and they're still there for you now.  Use that as your strength and I would think you are strong enough to hold on until he is defeated."

Dumbledore and his love.  He sounded like a broken record player sometimes.  But there was some truth in what he said.  I sighed and took a sip of the tea.  "Or until this task is no longer needed of me," I said hopefully.  I thought that might happen sooner than Voldemort being defeated.  I looked at Dumbledore and stood up.  "Well... I guess this is it," I said.  I had so many other concerns on my mind right now -- Chloe was due in a couple of months and I feared that our son would turn into what I feared to become.  Would he even get any part of the werewolf in him?  Or would he be normal?  I was so fearful... and I hated that he had to have me as a father.

"Remus, please, sit down," I said gently.  "I know there is much more on your mind.  You know you can confide in me."  I was sure that there was much more running through his mind; he was Remus, after all, and he did tend to worry much more than the average person

I was almost reluctant to sit down, but I did anyways.  "Professor... I'm a werewolf," I said quietly.  "No one deserves that for a father... and what if..." I trailed off.  I could not finish my thought.  What if I cursed my son the way that greyback cursed me?

I folded my hands in front of me while he spoke, letting him get it out.  "Remus," I started, "you lessen yourself everyday from the man that you really are.  You need to embrace the human in you rather than fearing the beast within."  I looked over my half moon spectacles at the man in front of me, thinking it was only yesterday that I had to make a small eleven year old boy feel better about who he was.  "Any boy would be lucky to have a man like you as a father -- you are honest, trustworthy, you'd do anything for him... and so much more, Remus.  Please, don't let your fear ruin such a happy occasion."

I slouched in the chair slightly as he spoke.  He was right; my fear was ruling my mind right now.  But rightfully so... though I really should listen to him and to Chloe.  It would let me sleep easier at night.  "I don't know about that, Professor.  But thank you for listening," I said, not finding this easy by any means to let them change my mind.

The poor boy -- Remus would always be a boy to me -- always thought the worst of himself.  "Remus, I know you do not believe me.  But at least give Chloe a chance to prove you wrong," I said to him.

I sighed and looked at him.  "Alright, I will give her a chance," I said.  "I really hope that she does prove me wrong... I don't know what I'd do if I would end up being right..."

I smiled reassuringly at Remus.  "Well, then, stop trying to dissuade yourself from believing Chloe and everyone else who is good in your life,' I said to him simply, knowing that he would continue to try to argue with me.

I resisted the urge from rolling my eyes at the headmaster, though he was right.  "Alright, fine," I said, shaking my head.  "But it will always be on my mind."

I smiled somewhat sadly up at Remus.  "I never doubted that," I assured him.  "But doln't let it rule your thoughts... that could be your downfall in the end that could ruini your happinesss."

Dumbledore was always a man to be counted on for philosophical advice.  I smiled at him and sighed.  "I know, Professor," I said, always addressing him professionally even after school years.  "But that's a lot harder said than done."  As if he did not already know that.

Of course Remus did not know entirely of my past, but I understood all too well what was easier said than done.  I nodded at him.  "Remus... please, try to understand and realize that I know that," I said to him, nearly pleading with him to not let this get to him as much as he was letting it.