If I survive tonight, I wouldn't change a thing -- June 1998

I grabbed a pair of jeans and blouse, wishing that this could be done under different circumstances.  I always wore looser blouses because they were always far more comfortable than tight shirts now that my belly had popped with the twins.  I turned and looked at him, nodding.  I knew this already.  I showered quickly, drying my hair with my wand, and with another simple wave, my hair was pulled away from my face in a simple up-do.  I waved my wand for a third time and I had makeup on.  I walked out and took hold of Draco's hand.  "It'll be okay," I tried to assure him.  I saw that he had my bag on his arm -- we were not planning on coming back here.  He lead the way out of the room and we went to collect Lincoln and Juniper.

I knocked on their door and saw that they were ready.

I had gotten around with Juniper, though I wanted to say something to her about her appearance, a knock interrupted my thoughts.  It was not the time wiht whatever was going on, though.  I opened the door and saw Draco and Pansy.  It was extremely difficult to read their expressions.  I almost wanted to say that Pansy was hiding slight happiness -- which was good, they should be happy they were going to be a family.  Draco, however, looked rather stoney.  What parts of the story were they not telling us?  I saw that he had Pansy's bag and I grabbed mine, looking at June.  I let her lead the way out of the room and we all Disapparated to the Ministry.

We entered through the visitor's entrance and were lowered into the Atrium.  The four of us were to tightly put together in the little phone box and i was extremely grateful when it opened it's doors and I was the first to step foot into the Atrium.  I helped the others out the best that I could.  Our wands were checked and, as I had only been to the Ministry once for a custody hearing, I waited for Draco to lead the way.

<< Again, sorry for kind of ignoring June... but to get this to be his 1000th post, I gotta make a few replies in this one thread lol >>

With Pany's hand in mine, I led the way quickly to where we needed to be.  Though it was not like Father took us to the Ministry wiht him often or at all, I knew this place like the back of my hand from the way he spoke and from my own research of the place.  When I used to worship the ground Father walked on, I had wanted to know everything about where he worked.  Things like that did not just leave one's memory.  I found the lifts and pulled Pansy along with me, keeping the door open long enough for Lincoln and Juniper to join me.  The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up.  I had an extremely bad feeling about being here.  But it had to be done.  My hand was gripping Pansy's tightly and I feared I was hurting her, but she never said.  I took a deep breath and, when the doors opened up, I looked around before letting any of us disembark.  "This way," I said quietly, walking with a purpose towards the correct part of the Ministry.

I slowed my pace slightly and went up to the worker and had a whispered conversation about what needed to be done.  The witch nodded and pointed to a few chairs.  I looked at the others.  "Now we wait for an opening in the docket," I said, not enjoying the waiting game.  I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of trouble - like Death eaters.  I squeezed Pansy's hand.  "How are you and the twins feeling?" I asked softly.  I wanted to make sure that they were okay because that was what we were trying to do was keep them all safe.

<< oh no problem! June wants to help a bit but let me know if you want me to change anything. >>

I followed the group, making sure I was always at the back. I couldn't shake the felling of being watched and I wasn't going to let anything happen to any of them. Once we got to our destination and Draco talked to one of the workers, we all took a seat to wait. I wanted nothing more then to get up, pace and start biting my nails but I forced myself to stay seated and had to be content getting my nervous energy out by tapping my foot. I kept looking around to make sure no one else, like Death Eathers, were anywhere near us.

I smiled the best I could to reassure Draco.  "The three of us are all okay," I said.  I wanted to say more, but there were too many people floating around us.  They at least were minding their own business and barely looking at a ragtag team of teenagers who were barely of age, basically.  I mean, we were all about eighteen by now, but still.  We were all sitting in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.  I felt the twins kick slightly and put a hand on my stomach.  I gave a slight smile because Draco looked at me with concern in his eyes.

Then, after what felt like a lifetime, the Ministry witch called us forward.  All of us stood up and followed her inside.  At least the Wizengamot was not entirely bad as we met with only one of them to marry us officially.  Draco's hand tightened on mine; what was he sensing or seeing that I was missing?  He handed my bag to Lincoln when the Ministry official instructed where Draco and I should be.  Not once did Draco release my hand.  It was like he was expecting something to happen.  He was almost hurting me, but I was not going to say a word.  He understood what was going on far more than myself -- he was just making me more and more nervous.  The wizard starting speaking to us, his voice was soft and kind, and the ceremony - or lack there of - started.  When he asked me if I would take Draco until death do us part, I replied with, "I do."  I saw something flicker across his face that reminded me of surprise.  Was he really that surprised that I would marry him, even like this?  I was never good at hiding my feelings for him.

I knew that the Dark Lord had people -- Death Eaters and those he had under the Imperius curse.  I was entirely sure that one of the people milling about were under his control.  They were sure to send message back to my father letting him know what was going on.  We really were not out of their reach at all.  I swallowed and stood up when the witch instructed us to follow her.  There was an old wizard inside who was speaking to each of us.  I could not believe that Pansy was walking blindly into this without knowing exactly what was going on -- the love of a mother was already evident in her.  She would do everything she could to protect her babies.  The corner of my mouth twitched slightly, as if it was attempting to smile, when she said 'I do.'  

I still could not shake the feeling that I was going to lose her the second I let go of her hand, though.  I knew we were being watched; the hairs on my neck had been constantly standing up the moment we walked into the Ministry.  And then, the wizard looked at me, speaking the same things, asking the same questions.  Until death do us part?  The knot in my stomach seemed to tighten as if that were very close.  No, I would not let that happen.  We would take the mark willingly and everything would work out... right?  I took a breath to steady my voice and thoughts and said, rather confidently, "I do."  And then, it was over.  It was time for me to kiss my new wife.  I leaned forward and gave Pansy quite a tender kiss.  I pulled away and looked at the other two.

"We need to go," I said quickly.  I wanted to make sure that they were all safe.  I pulled Pansy close to Lincoln.  "You both need to go.  Now.  And quickly.  June and I have to wait until he finishes the paperwork," I explained in soft tones.  I looked at the two of them, my feeling of unease increasing.  I felt as though the Death Eaters knew what we had been planning on doing and then stopping us when they have a chance - like now.  I kissed Pansy again, putting a hand on her stomach -- on my twins -- and took a deep breath.  "Protect them."


<< Yay!  1000!!   >>

I was not sure who he said that to, but I nodded nonetheless and looked at Juniper.  "Stay as safe as you can," I said, knowing that it was the best that I could do to help her right now as she would not give me any details of what was going on.

<< congrats!! >>

The ceremony was quick and to the point. I would've rather Draco had a real wedding but I knew that wasn't in the cards, not yet at least. They said their "I dos" and kissed and were pronounced husband and wife. I couldn't help but smile, despite the feeling of being watched, the Dark Lord had so many people under his control, who's to say there wasn't someone here who worked for him? Who would report back to Father everything that was happening, including Lincoln and Pansy running away.

I reluctantly nodded when Draco said they had to leave now. I forced myself to stay calm, I couldn't afford to cry right now, not when it may be the last time I see Lincoln and Pansy. I turned to Lincoln when he spoke to me and nodded again. "We'll try. I promise." I managed to say. I took his hands in mine and squeezed them for a moment before letting go. I wanted him to take me in his arm, to hug me so I would remember what it felt like if I didn't survive this week, but I knew that wouldn't happen, I had to be content with just that hand hold. I was the most expendable of all of us though. Pansy had the babies and would be a mother soon, Lincoln had a great job and helped kids get out of horrible situations, and Draco was going to be a father. I didn't have anyone who relied on me or a job. I would much rather me die than any of the others. Maybe that was my job in all of this, to be able to sacrifice myself so that everyone else would be okay. I shook my head to clear it, this wasn't helping me keep it together. "You all have to stay safe as well." I informed them both. I turned to Pansy and hugged her. "Welcome to the family." I said, attempting to hide the sarcasm. I pulled back, knowing Draco would want to say his good byes. I knelt down slightly so I was talking to the twins. "Stay safe in there, okay?" I stood, and took a step back to give Draco and Pansy their privacy.

I looked Pansy in the eyes, but could not get myself to say anything more to her, only being able to nod as she spoke softly to me.  I had to believe that I would see her again and that the babies would be okay.  Or else taking the Mark would end up being pointless.  Their safety would be the only thing that would get me through what would be happening to us today -- I knew we would most likely be tortured in addition to obtaining the Dark Mark.  I squeezed her hand and watched her and Lincoln leave.

I turned to Juniper, a grave expression on my face.  "If we stick to the plan, they'll be okay," I said to her.  I had gotten so good at lying the past couple of years that I almost believed myself despite knowing that there was truth in the fear that was wrapping itself around me.  I hated the fact of not knowing where they were, though it was safest that way.  After what seemed like eons, I had the proper paperwork for proof of marrying Pansy that Father would want.  My mouth went dry and I looked at my sister again.  "May as well not put it off any longer."

"I love you," I said to Draco honestly, giving him another kiss before he stepped away from me.  he did nto say anything in return, but I could see his worry written all over his face.  So I was offended by that by any means.  I looked at Lincoln when he came over, each of us having our own bag, and then we disapparated -- I was holding onto Lincoln so I was not sure, exactly, where he led us to.

I gave Juniper a quick squeeze, knowing she needed it, before leaving.  I knew that they wanted us to go farther away than we did, but how could we leave entirely when they may end up needing help in the long run.  I looked at Pansy and opened the door in front of us.  Everything was dusty and covered in either sheets or cobwebs.  I sighed, suppressing a shudder.  I had not been here in years.  On the outskirts of a country side, I walked into my childhood manor and looked around.  "It needs a little work, but I don't think anyone would look for me here, so we're safe for the time being," I said to Pansy quietly.  I started to wave my wand, casting some protective spells around th eproperty.  I knew my mother would have had certain spells on this house to keep Muggles away and then it was Unplottable, but I still felt like if I could give extra protection, I would.

I got the paperwork and looked at Juniper.  "We need to go," I said.  There was no point in seeing if she was ready; how could either one of us be ready for what lay ahead?

I forced a smile at Lincoln and Pansy as they left but it fell just as quickly. I took a few shaky breaths as I nodded at what Draco had said. I did notice that he said they would be okay, not including us. As long as everyone else, including Draco, was okay, nothing else mattered. I didn't trust myself to speak quite yet. I knew we would probably get tortured as well as being forced to take the Mark but if that's what it took to keep everyone safe, so be it. I just had to believe that everyone else would survive this week from hell, even if I didn't. I shook my head to clear it when I saw Draco take the paperwork. I nodded again and sighed. "Heads held high, just like Father taught us." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I turned another forced smile, this time at Draco. "Let's go."

And so we did.  When we got back to the manor, the feeling of foreboding was immense.  I knew who was within the confines of the house I used to call home.  I squared my shoulders and walked into the foyer with confidence I did not feel.  I heard them in the study -- Aunt Bellatrix's voice carried a lot farther than any other voice as it always did.  our footsteps seemed to echo on the floors and the voices fell silent -- even our dear auntie's.  I opened the door to the study and clenched my jaw slightly.  This was it.

A little work?  That was an understatement.  I took a deep breath and looked around.  "What is this place?" I asked him, setting my bags on the floor, looking around.  It was extremely dusty and it looked abandoned.  Though, however, he was right; no one would look for us here.