New beginings...where to start..tbd

I knew that Juniper had low self esteem when it came to our parents -- I was the golden child and I always felt bad for her when they bragged about me but acted as if she did not exist half the time.  "You know I've got your back, though.  I'll take any heat that I can," I said to her.  When Father thought Juniper was straying off his chosen path, he always ended up pinning me down and discussing why I had not protected her or stopped her from doing whatever it was that she did -- or make her do what she did not do.  I did not mind taking as much of the brunt from her as possible... though Father went after Juniper as much as he could.

I noddd once more, knowing Draco got blamed for my wrongdoings too, going above and beyond the call of a brother and twin. "I never really thank you for everything you do for me with father." I told him. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I could survive without him. I needed him, that much was obvious. "I really don't deserve a twin like you."

I shook my head, chuckling sadly.  "June... no one deserves a twin like me.  I'm not that great of a person -- you know that above anyone else," I said quietly.  I looked at her and smiled.  "And that's what brothers are here for.  I'd gladly take the brunt of Father's anger when it comes to you.  They're too rough on you."

I stopped walking, forcing my brother to stop as well. I looked into his eyes. "You're not telling father about me...I think that makes you a great person." I looked down at the ground, "Sometimes I deserve it though. But you don't." I leaned my head against his shoulder and sigh, content for the first time in a long time. "I wish we could stay like this. Not have to worry about anyone or anything." I looked up at him, wondering if he thought I was being crazy daydreaming about a life we could never have.

I shifted the books in my arms so I could put my arm around my sister.  This was a side of me only she was allowed to see.  Everyone else thought of me as a cold, stoic person.  I was content with that.  I ahd a reputation to uphold with the Malfoy name according to father.  And I succeeded with it quite well, too.  "We should run away... skip out on the rest of school and just leave.  Never return," I said, knowing that it was fun to think about, even if we knew it could never happen.

"We could go anywhere we wanted. No one would be there to tell what we had to do and what we couldn't." I sighed. I know my brother acted cold but underneath that was a great person who I was happy to be able to see from time to time. I wish other people could see him the way I do, but knew that wasn't going to happen. "Just the two of us." I closed my eyes and that world came into view. It was perfect.

A smile came across my face as I thought about it.  A way to be out of Father's grasp... mother's annoying adoration.  "We'd be free," I said quietly.  If only that could be the case.

"Free." I repeated with a smile, tasting the words on my lips. I liked the way it felt but knew it would never happen for us. "That's not us though, is it?" I asked sadly, knowing the answer.

I sighed, shaking my head.  "The only way we'd ever be free is if our parents were gone," I said.  As much as I hated them, they were still our parents.  I loved them... I used to worship the ground my father walked on -- until I started to get older and realize that he was far from perfect.  But that still did not make me stop trying to be the son he wanted or expected me to be.

I nodded, knowing what he was thinking. I still did care about them and didn't want to see them hurt but they weren't perfect, not by a long shot. I always tired my best when I was little, wanting to impress them like Draco could, but no matter what I did it was never enough. Even when I finally devolved my magic, our parents pushed me harder to keep up with what Draco could do. "You what to know what the sad part is? It took me until now to realize how imperfect they are. I mean we got glimpse of it at home when we were young but..." I sook my head, preferring our made-up world to the reality of our lives.

"But we were so naive," I finished for her, understanding completely.  "And the sad thing is... I'm still trying to please Father and live up to his expectations of what his children should be like."  I looked at June and smiled.  "You, on the other hand... you're finding ways to be your own person.  I admire you for that."

I gave a little laugh, "Maybe your the smart one for still trying to please father. You may admire me, which I thank you for, but you're the only one." I sighed. "If I had only developed my magic sooner, maybe they would've accepted me. I wouldn't be the 'disappointment'."

"You always got the short end of the stick," I pointed out.  "Father always wanted a son... he didn't feel like he needed you.  I always felt like they neglected you in many ways."  I ran a hand through my blonde hair.  "The only time they see you is when you are disappointing them.  For that, I'm sorry.  You deserve a much better family than what you were handed."  I spoke the truth.  I found it mildly interesting that we both, in a manner of speaking, envied the other.  Whether it be due to personality, where we stood with our parents' fondness of us, or anything else... we always seemed to want to switch and we had doubts in ourselves but thought the other was strong.

"You're apologizing for our parents." I noted. I sighed, knowing what he said was true. "Well if we are apologizing for our parents, you deserve better as well. Father only wanted a son so he could be just like him. Everyone needs to be there own person, not what your parents want you to be or think you should be. So I'm sorry you don't really get to do what YOU want, just what father says you can." I look up at him with a sad smile. We wanted what the other had so badly but in in the end, would we the willing to switch, even just for a day, to see what it was really like? To see if it was worth it?

What were we doing?  She was right, of course.  We were apologizing for our parents which was ridiculous.  I shook my head slightly.  "Us apologizing for our parents is the only way we'll ever hear those words in the same sentence as each other.  We both know we'll never hear those words from them, though.  We should make a pact... when we graduate, we do our damnedest to get out of their grasp.  Deal?" I asked, raising my eyebrows slighty as I looked at my sister.