What's a big brother for? --TBD

So, I had figured I would give Remus' idea a shot and talk to Dean about it. I had found him in the Common Room. I walked up behind him. " Hey Deano.." I said quietly. He looked almost as bad as I did. Walking around to the couch I sat down and looked to my brother. " I want to talk about that night..." I told him as I noticed his body tense up. " It may be good for us to be able to get sleep and feel comfortable walking around the castle."

I looked at my sister.  "Lenni... I'm fine," I lied blatantly.  "but you are sort of right; you need to talk about it.  You need sleep and everything.  You had it a hell of a lot harder than me, sis.  You know I'm here for you... so what do you need?  I'll do anything to help," I told her, smiling at her.

I raised my eyebrows at my brother, " You need sleep too." I pointed out. " Brooding isn't such a good look for you bro." I said with a smirk. I knew it was eating him alive. " Maybe we both need to talk?" I suggested. This makes it so hard when we both need to talk and yet. I have no idea where to start.

I could not help but chuckle slightly.  "Gee... I never knew that you could be so harsh about the way I look," I teased, trying to lighten the mood.  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.  "Lenni... talking is great.  I just have no idea what to say or where to start," I told her quietly.

I nodded, " Yeah, I had no clue where to start....I think it's more the point that I was a target...that's weird to me. " I said twiddling my hands together. " I don't really know....it scared me to know you guys were coming because of it...I was worried about you guys..." I said running my hands down to my scars. " They will take forever to heal.....and this one is bad,...." I said to him, as I revealed my shoulder to my brother, the word traitor engraved onto me.

I felt my anger start to boil again. I took a few deep breaths to calm down a little bit. "Elena... You don't need to worry about us. We will be there to protect you no matter the cost. I know that bothers you, but we weren't about to let you go. I need my bothersome little sister around to keep me from doing stupid shit," I said to her with a smile.

I gave him a light shove, my muscles and scars still hurt. I was still vulnerable, it scared me. " I know, you need someone to irritate you...." I said as I smiled, " It just scared me what I thought was going to happen to you guys." I said as I looked down to the floor. " I wanted to make sure you guys would be all right. I didn't think I would be able to look Addison or Jada in the face ever again if something had happened. Addie told me that they wouldn't have blamed me...but I could see it happen."

Even though I doubted it would have happened, I could not argue with Lenni that it was indeed a possibility.  I understood what she meant.   If anything would have happened to Elena, I would not have been able to look at myself in the mirror again, let alone Mum or Dad.  George would have been tehre to know everything... but would we even be able to talk anymore had something happened?  "I know... I have very similar things running through my head," I told her quietly.  "No one ever knows how they would react to such news until it happens.  And as much as I hope that nothing would change between any of us... we all know it would.  It might not necessarily be blame, but it would never be the same.  Hell, even with the outcome it has things aren't the same," I admitted, even though I hated to say that.  I looked away from my sister, not wanting to admit this because just the idea of it scared me, but I had to admit it to someone.  My voice was barely above a whisper.  "With all of this going through my head and the physical pain I'm in... I can't tell you how close I've been to just giving up and giving in... and that scares me, Lenni.  That scares me almost as much as the thought that we almost didn't get to you in time.  I don't want to lose myself again... but I'm barely functional and I have no idea what to do."  I took a deep breath and chuckled at myself a little bit when I realized that I had tears in my eyes.  I hated admitting fear.  "I know, I'm your big brother and I should have all the answers and be there for you... but I don't know who else I can turn to who won't judge me for not being able to hold it all together for everyone..."  I wanted to just hear her out and help Elena with everything on her mind, but I just could not keep it in.  I needed to let it out before it tore me apart like it did the first tie and then again with Dad in his coma... and Elena said she wanted to talk, so for once in my life, I was going to willingly open up and admit that I was not up to the task of being the strong one for everybody or that I could not hold myself together anymore.