It's been awhile so where should we begin? -- July 1998

I had decided to go visit my brother in his comatose state that July.  I had confessed to him everything the first day that I had visited... but I just felt this calling as if I needed to go see him.  It started a month or so ago, and despite my best efforts, there was no way to ignore it anymore.  This time around I came alone.  My family stayed behind because the girls didn't like to see me upset.  I wasted so much time hiding thinking that I was protecting them... I should have just told Sirius everything when he was around.  I signed in at teh front desk using the fake name I always did and went upstairs.  Everyone always stared at me curiously... apparently they were all intrigued by the stranger who came to visit Sirius Black at odd hours.  I walked into his room and sat down.  His eyes were closed but it looked like there may be a little more color in his face.  Perhaps he would be pulling out of it soon...?  One could only hope.  I sighed and leaned back in the chair.  I always felt awkward when I was visiting him due to the fact of how our past went down.  He thought I was dead.  I had no idea if he even cared about me or thought of me since then.  We hated each other... well, he never knew how much I admired him when I finally came to my senses.  There was no way I was going to let him know I was alive after all of that.  

Getting more comfortable in teh chair, I cleared my throat slightly.  "Hey, Sirius... it's just Reg here," I said, always feeling the need to introduce myself to him.  I felt like no matter how many times I was there, he would think my voice just a mere memory or dream or something if he could even hear me at all.  "I've just had this really weird feeling that I needed to come see you.  I don't know if maybe we're losing you or if you're coming back to us... man, I wish you'd come back.  I have so many things I need to say to you," I said, shaking my head.  "I mean, I've said them ovr and over again every time I see you on the off chance you can actually hear me one of hte times... but I just need you to know everything.  The whole story -- at least what I remember of it.  And I know my girls are dying to meet you... your son looks amazingly like you.  Your daughter looks like her mum... but I haven't really talked iwth them or anything.  I haven't even told them who I am.  I try to come during of hours so that way I don't run into anyone and so I don' thave to lie to them.  I just wish things could be different.  I wanted to tell you that you were right about everything... but I went and I did something to try to make a difference and I don't even know if I succeeded.  The only thing I succeeded in was everyone thinking I died... which was for the best.  What I did made me a wanted man by him... and I needed to protect you.  But maybe if I hadn't ran... we may have ended up having a different relationship -- one where we could actually stand each other.  And then we'd know each others' families and act like normal families would act like."  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.  "If only you knew how much I admired you for standing up for what you believed in despite the way our whole family was.  But who am I kidding?  I'm just talking and you can't hear a damn thing I'm saying."  I stood up and I squeezed my brother's shoulders.  "I promise it won't be so long before my next visit, brother.  I love you."

I started to head towards the door.  I couldn't stay any longer.  I didn't want to run into anyone... and to be honest, sometimes I felt silly for talking to him.  Sirius wasn't really here.  It was just his body... if he were here, then he'd be awake.  He'd talk to us... respond to us... something.  Despite everything, I always told him I loved him before I left.  He was my big brother after all.. and we did have good times before Hogwarts separated us due to the stupid Houses and my mindset at the time.  And despite everything, I always did admire his courage.  It sucked that he ran away to the Potters when he did... to be honest, that sent me over the deep end and I joined the Death Eaters within the year after that.  Sirius had been the only one stopping me from doing it before... and that was only because at the time he would have looked at me with disdain -- which was all I needed to stop me because being a teenager, I was vain.  I wanted everyone to like me.  And my brother meant more to me than I ever cared to admit.

I found myself wanting to get up. Here is my brother seemingly pouring his soul out to me right now and I am supposed to be in a coma still. He is thinking I am anyway. I was trying desperately not to move, debating whether or not I should show him. He was dead and yet he is sitting here. No what screw it. I opened my eyes. Seeing him at the door, " Reg..."

I stopped at the door and turned around, seeing my brother with his eyes wide open.  Here was the moment of truth.  The moment I had waited for for so long... I guess I never realized how afraid I was to actually speak to him.  I took a few steps closer to the bed.  "Sirius... how long have you been out of the coma?" I asked him, almost not believing that I was talking with my brother.

Looking at him as he seemed to have seen a ghost, how ironic. " I've been in and out I guess you can say." I said looking over to the seat beside me. " So, tell me."

I sat back down and wondered where to even begin.  "Well... I found out something that I don't think that Voldemort ever knew anyone could figure out... he was so full of himself.  Making all of us feel like we were stupid."  I closed my eyes and shook my head.  "I regret that decision every day of my life... but I came to my senses and after he abused Kreacher, well, I put together the pieces.  I don't want to get into all the details... I know with the way everything is, I'm sure if they found out I was alive they would come after me, my kids, your family... and I won't have that."  I cleared my throat slightly before continuing.  "I should have died when I stole that damn locket... I don't know who ro what saved me.  I had passed out and then all of a sudden I was in my room with a worried Kreacher over me.  Then I ran.  I had actually figured that I would die down there... so I left.  And I knew that you would be safe; it wasn't a secret we hated each other then.  Mum and Dad and everyone else... they'd be safe because of hteir views.  If they all thought I died then they would think I took that secret to my grave."  

This was my big brother... I have no idea why I was so worried about talking to him.  I was sure that he would be pissed.  I almost wanted him to... if he was completely understanding about everything, it would totally catch me off guard.  "I went over to the US.  And I've been living a life over there since I was seventeen.  I've tried to keep tabs on everything over here... I read that your best mate and his wife are still alive... and that's how I knew you were in a coma.  I'm sorry, Sirius... I am so sorry," I said, looking down at my hands that were folded between my knees.