Don't let him trick you into thinking you're a monster - June/July 1998

I sat at the Leaky Cauldron, staring into my cup of coffee, waiting for Lincoln to meet me so could tell him what had happened the week he and Pansy had been on the run. It had been three weeks since they had left and Draco and I had been forced to take the Dark Mark, two weeks since we deemed it safe enough for them to come home  and since Draco and I officially left the Manor, and one week since Lincoln and I had set this meeting. I knew he would never force me to tell him what had happened but I owed it to him. He had protected Pansy during everything and he deserved to be free of me for once and for all. I sighed, I would miss Lincoln but I was not good for him, he deserved someone much better than a Death Eater, someone much better than me.

I had said goodbye to Pansy - surprised that we had gotten kind of close during the week while we waited for Juniper and Draco to return - a couple of weeks ago.  I had not really heard from Juniper until a week after that, which was for her to set this date to speak with me.  I was not going to let her run from anything when it came to our odd little relationship we had.  I walked in and saw her sitting at a table and went to her.  "Hey, June," I said to her, sitting down across from her, unsure how my attitude should be for this.

I was so focused on how I was going to tell him what I was now, that I didn't even see Lincoln come in and sit down until he spoke. I jumped slightly, thinking one of the other death eaters had caught wind of our meeting and decided to come too. I let out a breath of relief when I saw it was him. "Lincoln, hi. Thank you so much for meeting me here." I forced a smile up at him. I took the left sleeve of my sweater I had on and pulled it down to ensure the Dark Mark on my forearm was covered until I could tell him about it. "Would you like anything to eat or drink? It's on me." I took out a small hand full of coins that Draco had taken from the Malfoy vault before everything had happened. I was hesitant to use it, since I wasn't a Malfoy anymore according to Father, but Draco was persistent and I wanted to be able to pay for whatever Lincoln wanted to get today. It was the least I could do after everything he had done for me and my family.

I shook my head, wondering why she was being so formal about everything.  "I'm alright," I said to her.  "What's going on?  I haven't heard anything from either one of you until a week ago... you know I'm here for you..."  I did not enjoy being out of the loop, but I had not wanted to pressure Juniper into telling me anything until she was ready.  Nowt hat it seemed she was, I had to talk to her about everything.

I took a deep breath, I should've known he would want to get right to business. I bit my lip, deciding where to begin. "First, I want to thank you so much for taking care of Pansy while Draco and I.....dealt with everything at the Manor. It means more to us then we can ever say in words or thank you for." I sighed, debating how to put everything that had happened in words. "When Father found out Pansy was pregnant, he wasn't too happy. That wasn't his plan for Draco, to be a father so young, but my brother wasn't about to abandon his children." I took a shaky breath, really not wanting to admit to Lincoln what I had been forced to become. "I stood up to him, for both of us, and Father kicked me out and disowned me. He made Draco get married or get ride of the twins. We had to show Father proof of the marriage so after you and Pansy left, we went back to the Manor...." I subconsciously scratched my left forearm, I swear I could feel the mark tingling with anticipation of me admitting out loud I had it and what I was. I was happy I had worn the sweater, Lincoln was not going to know until I was ready to tell him. "Father wasn't the only one there." That night played in my mind and I flinched at the memories. I felt tears start to form and did my best to hold them back. I closed my eyes, Draco shouldn't have had to take the mark, it should've just been me. I shook my head slowly. "It should have just been me." I hadn't realized I said that out loud until it was too late. I opened my eyes and sighed, not able to say anything else about that night quite yet. "It should have just been me."

Taking care of Pansy was interesting.  She knew more about my family than I thought she did.  She just did not know that I was adopted into that family -- no one did. 

I moved over and put a hand on her shoulder, slighlty hesitantly.  "June... what happened?" I questioned quietly.  I would address any other issue after I got her to settle down a little bit.

I flinched slightly and brushed his hand off when he went to put it on my shoulder. I took a deep breath. "Sorry." I said. I wasn't sure why I had done that, it's not like I didn't want him to touch me, or I had a history like Lincoln's, but I felt like the Mark was contagious and if Lincoln touched me, he would become a death eater too. He didn't need to bear that burden, he didn't need to worry about the horrible meeting Draco and I had to attend.

I took a shaky breath, still not ready to say much else. I bit my lip and I looked up at him  "Last summer, after Draco completed his task.....they wanted to make him a Death Eater." I began slowly, finding the right words. "He refused to take the Mark but they weren't going to let him get away with that." The memories of the horrible week came into my mind and I shook my head violently to get them to go away. "A week later, after Draco woke up, we went to Snape's and stayed with him the rest of the summer." I looked down at my steaming mug, not able to look him in the eyes as I finished. "This time, it wasn't just Draco they wanted." I took a shaky breath, "and it wasn't an offer we could refuse." They knew that, all the Death Eaters knew what Draco and I would do to protect the people we cared about and they took advantage of that time and again. I looked over at my left forearm, still covered by my sleeve. I started scratching it vigorously, I would make it come off my arm one way or another.

I did not even notice much when Juniper moved my hand away -- I normally did that to people, too.  I sat there listening to her, easily putting the pieces of the puzzle together.  I just stared at her for a moment.  "This doesn't make you one of them," I said to her simply.

<< Hey, sorry about slow and kind of short replies.  I have an extremely hurt thumb and can't go reply crazy or anything... so please excuse the pace and length!  Not my best work, but it'll do lol >>

<< of course, and if you could excuse how late I am replying to everything that would be awesome....hope your thumb feels better! >>

Of all the things he could've said, that was the last thing that would've came to my mind. I looked up at him, tilting my head slightly in confusion. "Lincoln, that's exactly what it makes me." I replied simply. "And Aunt Bellatrix and Father will never let us forget it." I took a shaky breath in a failed attempt to calm myself down. "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm meant to be. Apparently." I finished as I looked down, not able to look at the shame I was sure was in Lincoln's eyes for me not being strong enough to resist the mark.

I shook my head.  "Okay, on the outside it makes you appear to be one of them," I amended, "but you will never be one of them.  Not where it counts anyways."  I knew what she was doing; she pulled this with me at least once a month.  I will give her the fact that this was a big one.  a really good reason for someone to run, but I did not abandon my mates.