Some secrets are too delicious not to share -- Summer 1997

It was in the middle of the night and Lupin was still in St. Mungo's.  I walked in like a shadow flashing across the walls, no one even noticed me.  I wanted to taunt him.  He was already in physical pain... it was time to cause him more emotional pain.  I walked up to his hospital room and it looked like he was having a fitful rest.  Poor thing.  I smirked as I opened the door.  I stood there watching him, wondering what was causing him such despair in his dreams.

My eyes shot open and I was not sure if it was due to my dream or the fact that the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up.  I could not tell a soul what the dream had been about... but it was not pleasant that was all the details I could remember.  I was going to try to go back to sleep, but Boris told me there was something -- rather someone -- else in the room.  I saw the dark figure and I didn't need any light to know exactly who it was.  "Coming to finish the job?" I questioned sarcastically, even though I would not put it past him.  I really could not fight back so it was the perfect opportunity for someone like him.

I moved to where the half moon shining in through the window illuminated my face.  "Not exactly," I said, enjoying the unease that I caused him.  "I just had one question to ask you..."  Oh yes, I was going to let this drag on as much as possible.  I loved causing this much discomfort in a person -- especially a Lupin.

I was not going to play his games with him.  He would either tell me or he would not.  He did not need me to lead him on, it was not like it would change his mind anyways.  I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady and acting like he was not bothering me.  Greyback enjoyed seeing the reactions from his victims and I was doing my best from giving him any satisfaction.  I kept my gaze on him, wondering if I was going to need to find a way out because there was no way I could fight him in my condition.

He was ruining my fun.  Well, that was sucky.  I moved closer to his bed and debated how I wanted to phrase my one question.  I knew that he would end up having a reaction to however I phrased it... so I suppose it did not really matter now did it how I phrased it?  I looked at him and said in an almost musing voice, "I just wonder if you would have fought differently had you known is all."  I knew that would pique his curiosity to the point of wanting to know more.  I twiddled my thumbs and started to back away from his bed as if bored of him now.

I just wanted him to walk out the door, but he hit a nerve.  I had to know what he meant.  I knew that meant I would be playing right into his hands... but what was he talking about?  "Known what exactly?" I asked, hating the gleeful look that flashed across his rough features of his face.  It was plain as day even though everything was shadowed.  The moonlight was not that bright.

I knew that he would fall right into that one.  He was so predictable... hence why I was able to hurt him as badly as I did.  I turned and looked at him, smiling in the moonlight.  "Well, the truth of course, deary," I said as if it were obvious.  I knew my tone would probably drive him mad... and it was so perfect.

I sat up and was grateful that it did not hurt nearly as much as it has been.  Perhaps Boris was finally catching up to what was going on with my body.  I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes at Fenrir.  "Either get on with it or get out," I said, getting impatient.  I was getting antsy and did not want to deal with him.  I would probably get up and force him out if I had to.

Aw, the poor boy was getting grumpy.  I chuckled a little bit.  "You know, that is quite entertaining.  That is very similar to what your father said to me the day he died," I said, taking a couple of steps to the door.  Since he was being rude, perhaps I would not tell him after all.  Well, really I would still tell him, but I wanted to make him as uncomfortable as possible before I told him the whole story.

My heart seemed to skip a beat when Fenrir just decided to bring up my father like that.  He was just so casual about it.  I hated that I wanted -- no, needed -- to know what he wanted to tell me.  Was he there that day?  Was he the reason my father died?  I hated being hooked up to these machines... if his wolf didn't catch on to my nervousness and increased heartrate, the monitors gave me away.  It was making my chest ache which was no ta good thing at all.  It meant that I would not be able to do a damn thing about it.

I was finally eliciting the reaction I wanted from him.  How wonderful.  I moved closer and stood right next to his bed.  "Oh yes, deary," I said quietly.  I made sure that I looked right into his eyes.  "I slipped some poison into his tea that day.  I watched as it racked his body with pain.  I laughed over him as he suffered.  And I watched as you failed to help him.  If you would have realized that the antidote was sitting on the counter next to the kettle... you could have easily saved your own father," I told him, smiling.

I should have known he had a hand in it.  But to do this?  I swung my legs over the bed and slammed Fenrir up against the wall, my arm over his neck.  "You stay away from my family," I hissed, surprised that he was not fighting back yet.  He killed my father.  I was going to make him pay.

I laughed and his arm tightened on my throat.  My work here was done.  I knew that there was nothing that needed my help here.  I punched him in the chest and watched as it crippled Remus to the ground.  I knelt beside him and whispered, "You should learn that you will not win against me.  The sooner you realize that... then perhaps things won't be as painful for you."  I stood up and pushed him with my boot and walked out the door.  I walked down the hall and waited to hear what I wanted to.  It didn't take long... I heard the tears and he even threw something.  I grinned and disappeared.

He hit me and I fell to the ground painfully.  I could not believe it.  There had been an antidote?  I could have saved him... if I had kept calm I could have saved him.  I should have kept my head when I saw him on the ground... I would have noticed it.  Or was it even true?  Greyback could just be saying that.  The tears came to my eyes and I tried to stop the sob from oming but it didn't work.  I grabbed something and threw it at the door so it would close.  I leaned against the bed and was sure that someone would probably come to check on me.  I forced myself to stand up and realized that I needed out of here.  I was sick of St. Mungo's.  So what did I do?  I ripped out my IV and forced myself to get dressed.  I was not going to stay here.  I needed someone to talk to about this... I was going to lose my mind if I stayed here.  I got to my door when a Healer came in.  "I'm leaving," I said as soon as she started to open her mouth.  "It's not wise to cage an animal.  And if you don't let me walk out of here... my other side will make sure I leave.  I am going stir crazy and it is never a wise idea with that side."  I just kept walking past her, ignoring the pain in my chest.  I was surprised she let me walk by.  Perhaps I was looking as crazy as I felt... I was sure they would probably let Chloe know or somebody... but I had behaved far long enough. 

What I wanted was my dad... but that was not going to happen.  I could go to his grave, but I did not want to do that.  The only thing that would help me right now was indeed my wife.  I was sure I was going to get scolded for just leaving.  I knew that she wanted me hom eat the same time.  I had to force her to come home to sleep -- she never slept well at St. Mungo's.  I took a deep breath and Apparated to my house.  I felt extremely woozy afterwards, but pushed onwards.  I managed to make it upstairs and realized that I would most likely scare the shit out of Chloe.  I laid down nonetheless and said, "Babe, it's just me."  I pulled her into my arms and despite the pain I felt, I kept her close.  I needed her.