Evil Isn't Born, It's Made - Part 2 (Language) -- March 1982 (DONE)

I had to keep busy... So what had I been doing since I woke up?  I had to keep busy or I would lose my mind.  I was constantly working out.  Yes, my stomach killed me with every push up I did, every sit up I completed... but you know what?  it reminded me of my biggest mistake of my life.  I trusted Wormtail.  I should have listened to everyone... but I followed my heart.  I should have listened to everyone else -- even my on gut had an issue with it.  But in my heart I believed that Wormtail would never betray us.  Look how that turned out.  That was why it was so damn difficult for me to trust my heart that Lily and Harry were still alive.  But I could not let that get to me.  My wife and son were alive.  The pain in my gut told me so.  Why would I have gone after Wormtail if I didn't believe that they were alive?  Out of insanity?  perhaps.  I heard the familiar noise of the chains and whatnot outside of my door.  I stood up from doing some pushups.  I figured that I woudl behave; make Wormtail think that he had won and shown what he apparently had hoped to do.  I crossed my arms and stood there waiting.

I opened the door and saw Prongs standing there obediently.  I smiled at him and set down the food on the table in there.  I turned and pointed at the plate.  "It's one of your favorites from when we were at school," I said to my friend.  I really hoped that the aroma was getting him hungry.  James hadn't eaten in quite awhile it seemed.  At least not enough to keep him healthy.  "I don't poison it or anything," I added.  He never talked to me now either... I knew he would break though, he was too much of a social butterfuly to not talk to someone at some point.  Even if it were his enemy.  "Ready for me to check your wound?  It might be a little bit infected or something by now, Prongs.  Let me help you."

I just stared at the traitor in my life.  Every time I saw him, I thought about hwo stupid I had been.  Everyone else had seen it, why couldn't I have seen it?  Lily had even warned me that veyr night that something was off.  She never mentioned Peter, but I had known what she was getting at.  He had gotten better with everything after our wedding, though.  It was like he was his old self -- almost.  Sirius thought that it would normally be a good idea, but even advised that it might not be best.  Poor Remus... we hadn't really told him much of anything.  It had been a last minute switch and before we knew it, well, here I was.  Trapped.  And according to everyone else, I was dead.  I stayed with my arms crossed.  I refused to say a word to him; I didn't want him to know if he was getting to me or not.

I walked over to James and was impressed that he did not flinch away from me or anything.  I reached out towards him.  "James, I'm just going to look at your wound," I told hiim as I continued to reach for his stomach.  I really hoped that he would let me; I figured that it would be infected or something.  I was worried about him.  I didnt' want him to die of a systemic infection or something.

I moved away from Wormtail, keeping my eyes on him.  "I'm fine," I said.  I figured that would make him happy; me actually talking to him.  That's what he wanted, wasn't it?  I just had to keep my cool.  Blowing up at him won't do any good.  It might make me feel a little bit better, but I wasn't going to let myself fall for that.  It would not do well; it would probably end up with me not succeeding in anything.

I had to dig deep to get patience to deal with Prongs right now.  I was wearing thin, but I didn't want to rush Prongs into doing anything.  He needed to accept all of this in due time.  "James... please let me help you again.  I've helped you so much already... let me keep helping you," I said, indicating the fact that I had saved his life.  I just wished that he would see it that way.  "You need to eat, as well.  If you want me to get you anything special, please let me know.  I would love to get you anything that ill make you eat."  I wished that I could help him more so.

He called this helping me?  Are you kidding me?  I took a deep breath to keep myself from saying something stupid, but he was really testing me.  "Wormtail... I'm fine.  I don't need anything except to get out of this room.  You want to help me, then save me.  Who is controlling you to keep me here?  What's the point?  The least you can do after all these years of us being friends is tell me what the point is of all of this," I said to my old friend.  I swore I still saw some of the Peter I knew in his eyes... but I had thought that before, too, and look what happened.  Looks are deceiving.  I would not fall for it a second time with Wormtail.

I pursed my lips and shook my head.  I glanced at the watch on my wrist and looked at Prongs.  He wanted to know the point of all of this?  Perhaps this was the beginning of us being able to build off of our relationship the way I wanted us to.  "Prongs," I said, pulling out the chair at the desk.  I motioned for James to sit down.  "I will explain some things the best that I can to you.  It does seem like you're ready.  But just know that there are some things that I won't be able to tell you."  I sat there waiting for Prongs to sit on the cot or something.  Maybe it was time for me to get him some space to move around.  For showering, I've been just bringing him some water in a bucket and such.  His clothes could probably get changed now, too.  For behaving, he should be rewarded.

I sat on the cot and waited.  He could not tell me much of anything apparently.  I ran a hand through my hair and was sure that it was all over the place more so than it used to be.  He wanted tos ave me so we could be together?  Just him and I?  What a ridiculous notion, but I had to think of a way to not let m true thoughts show.  "Wormtail... if we're supposed to be just us... then why treat me like a prisoner?  Why did you tell me the truth about everything with Ember and Sirius?  All that does is make me hate you.  Along with the fact that you betrayed me and my wife and son are... not with me."  I refused to say that they were dead.  They couldn't be.  "Why do all of that and this when they are very contradicting to what you are trying to succeed?"  I knew that there was no way I would understand the mind of a deranged person like Wormtail, but I could at least try to.

I sighed and stood up.  "Well, to build a friendship on lies would not be good," I said as if James shuold already know this.  "And I knew that the only way you could forgive me and understand where I was coming from, was when you were by yourself.  Padfoot always swayed your opinion.  Moony would not have kept you from listening to me, but he would never understand.  He has too much good in him.  Prongs, I have seen your dark side.  Whenever anyone ever hurt Lily -- I saw it.  It was fighting within you to take over.  I know thsi - I understand this," I explained to Prongs.  Moony was afraid to embrace anything dark -- which is why being a werewolf hurts him so much.  If he wasn't so good at heart, it would be something easier for him to handle.  I was good at observing everything about people.  Padfoot tried so hard to be something that he clearly was -- there was no reason to try that hard; he was a true Gryffindor.  There was no reason for him to be so brazen about it.  But he was blinded by the shadow of his family's past.  And that kept him from letting anyone even doing anything that went against what he thought was best.  Moony had such a pure, golden heart.  That's why he fought the darkness within so much.  I really did feel bad for Remus... of all the people for that to happen to, it should be anyone but remus.  And then there was James.  He was a good man, but he let the darkness show every now and then.  And that was why he trusted all of us -- even me.  He was a good person who could understand every aspect of someone's personality and not hold it against them.

I leaned back a little bit and sighed.  I would never have said I had darkness in me... I knew there was always something that came up in me whenever I heard something about Lily being hurt.  I looked down at my hands and had them folded with my elbows on my knees.  I looked over at Peter.  I was sure that whatever darkness inside of me that Wormtail was talking about was starting to brew within me again.  I didnt' call that darkness; I called it determination to get what I wante and to protect my family.  "Wormtail... if I had darkness in me, then I would have joined Voldemort and none of this would have happened.  I don't have darkness in me.  I may have something in me that makes me fight for what is right and what is mine, but that does not make it darkness."  I stood up and ran my hand through my hair.  "I would never do this to a person, Wormtail.  Keep them prisoner like this!  You had a heart, Peter.  Now you've lost it," I told him sadly.  I couldn't believe that I had to listen to his ramblings.  He had no idea what he had seen in any of us.  I just wanted to be with my family - whether that meant being alive with them or being with them wherever we go when we're lost to this world.

I thought that maybe he would understand, but apparently he was not ready yet.  I stood up with him and said, "Put your hands behind your back.  Don't try to do a damn thing; I'll take you to a shower."  I knew that that was probably waht he wanted msot that I could actually give him.  He did as he was told and I put a spell on his arms so he could not do anything.  "There are charms everywhere through these halls... so you can test them if you want.  Just walk straight and there will be nothing that you have to worry about."  I pushed him out of the room and down the hall.  I pushed him through the door into the bathroom.  I closed the door to give him some privacy; I would know if he tried anything.  I waited outside the door for a moment and I heard the water starting.  I walked off -- only after performing a charm so he would not be able to get out -- and went to grab him some fresh clothes.

I turned on the water and undressed and stepped into the warm water.  I stood there and let it wash down my body.  I closed my eyes and tried to remember a better time.  I wasn't even going to try to do anything to escape; there was no point.  I looked down at the wound on my stomach and saw that it was healed over just fine, but it still looked angry.  I sighed and continued to stand there in the water.  I washed myself and then I dropped the soap from the shelf and had to bend down to pick it up.  What I saw in the drain made my heart skip a beat.  There was a strand of long red hair.  Could that possibly belong to Lily?  Was she stil alive?  Had she been here, in this very room?  I had no idea, but I coulnd' thelp but get some hope.  I heard a knock on the door.  It opened up and I saw some clean clothes put on a shelf and then the door clsoed again.  I finished showering and put on the fresh clothes.  I put the strand of hair in my pocket.  It was probably a little creepy for me to do, but I couldn't help but believe that it belonged to Lily.  I was grateful that he had given me fresh clothes.  Just a soft T-shirt with some jeans.  But it was better than nothing.  I opened the door and saw Peter standing there.  I felt a fire in my heart to slam him up against the wall and demand to see her.  I needed to find the best opportunity as I could.  I put my hands behind my back so he could take me back to the cell.

I led him back to his cell and undid the spell so he could have his arms back.  "There's fresh bedding on the mattress.  I reheated your food so please eat it.  And then, James, I'll be back tomorrow and we can talk some more if you'd like," I said to him.  I felt like there was something about him that he needed to say something, but I wasn't going to bring it up.  He could talk if he wanted to ithout me prodding him.  I turned to leave.  "Make sure you eat," I added again.

I had kept my cool this long, why on earth was I going to say something now?  "Peter, how can you live with yourself?" I asked.  I felt like there was something fueling me -- and I had a feeling it was with the new found hope that Lily was so close yet so far away from me.  "You keep me trapped here for your own benefit.  While I'm sure that Lily is out there somewhere wondering where I am or how I am doing.  I feel like she is so close... I can feel it in my heart."  I walked over to Peter and got within inches of his face.  He was shorter than I, so I did lower my eyes to be level with his.  I could see something in them, something I couldn't place.  "I swear... if it is you who is keeping me from my wife and son... when I do get out -- not if, when -- you will be killed.  I don't care if I die trying to escape... I will take you and anyone else involved, down with me."  I pushed him through the door and turned away from him and heard him lock me back up in here.  I took the plate of food and threw it against the door.  I was so enraged that he thought I could forgive him for this!  I had no idea what I was going to do with any of this.