No one would change this animal I have become -- Winter Holiday 2016

I was having a very hard time with the holiday gatherings... I enjoyed the family, but when all I could hear was their blood pounding through their veins, it was rather difficult to be with them.  I did not want to hurt anyone...  not like I almost did when I was in the Great Hall the morning after I was bitten.  I had my cloak on for appearances because the cold hardly bothered me.  What was I going to do?  I knew everyone noticed something was off, but they had no idea what.  I figured they probably thought it was because of Sedona or something along those lines... that was what they always thought.

We had just gotten to the holiday gathering and I was determined to figure out what was going on with Leo. He just seemed off. I didn't want to bombard him but I had to make sure he was okay. I found him sitting alone on one of the couches. I smiled and sat next to him. "Hey Leo, what's up?" I figured starting slowly would allow me to build into asking what was wrong.

I looked over at Abel and shrugged.  "Nothing," I said to him, knowing that I needed to get better at lying.  I tried to give him a reassuring smile.  I picked at a snag in my jeans a bit.  I felt like I had to constantly move to try to ignore the blood pumping through everyone's veins.  Gramps had helped me quite a bit, but even he had a hard time with me... there was love there, obviously, but now there seemed to be a hatred neither one of us fully understood.  I knew that Uncle Will and Charlie probably sensed something was different, but hopefully they had not figured it out yet.

Abel was smart, though.  He could easily tell something was wrong; that was why he was the one speaking ot me, not anyone else.  Besides, Abel and I had a bit of a connection that was stronger than me and my other cousins.  I never knew for sure why, but I always enjoyed it.

I raised my eyebrows slightly at my cousin, easily seeing through his lie. I watched him pick the snag in his jeans as I bit my lips and tried to think of another approach. Leo and I had always been closer than the others and that was why I was deterred to figure out what was wrong. "Alright, let's try that again. Hey Leo, what's up?"

I chuckled weakly at Abel's persistence.  "Just a lot of things are changing lately," I said to him softly, avoiding eye contact with him -- just like I did with everyone else.  I just had a feeling if I looked anyone in the eye too much they would be able to tell what I was.