Something is Wrong -- Grimmauld Place Summer 1996

I was over at Dean's house.  He had left to do God knows what so I was just there with his Mum.  I was about four months along now, and his whole family was being so great about it.  A lot better than my dad was taking it.  So I hung out there a lot.  I was so surprised that Dean's mum wanted me to call her Ember.  It just seemed a little odd to me.  But then again, I did call Phoenix's parents by their names.  But that was a little different, still.  

Ember brought my mind back to reality while we were baking some cookies.  We were having a great time laughing and joking around when all of a sudden I was bent over double.  I had a stabbing pain in my abdomen.  I sank to my knees as I felt hands on my shoulders.

When I saw Addie go down, I rushed to her side and tried to keep her from hitting her head. "Addison, what's the matter?" I questioned. I looked at her face and then down to where her hands were... and then I saw it. Blood. "Addison... we need to get to St. Mungo's," I told her. I started to stand up when she grabbed my hand.

"Just us," I said through gritted teeth. I didn't know what was going on... but I didnt' need a ton of people hovering around me either. "I just wanna know what's going on before we get everyone involved," I told her. I felt tears and sweat roll down my face. Something was going horribly wrong... and I feared that it wasn't going to end well. And I didn't need a lot of people around me to tell me that.

Against my better judgment, I agreed with her. I got us to the hospital and the Healers took her right away. They didnt' ask any details... they didn't tell me anything. I paced in the lobby until the Head Healer came out and talked to me. I put my hand to my mouth, not believing what I was hearing. One, they were letting her go home. Two, they were letting her go home after losing the baby. They weren't sure what happened... he just said sometimes it occurs. I was told to wait for them to bring her out.

When I saw Addison, I nearly started crying again. She looked so devestated. I wasn't sure what to do but help her out of the chair they brought her out on. We were instructed we could leave so I took her back home. "Where would you like to lay down?" I asked, thankful the guys weren't back yet.

I was numb. I kept my hand on my stomach, hoping that I'd feel something move. I couldn't believe that my baby wasn't there anymore. I just looked at Ember. I felt my eyes welling up again and I just embraced her and started sobbing. I didnt' know where to be... I didn't know what to do. How was I goign to tell my mum? How was I going to tell Dean what had happened? He was getting so excited to be a father!

I just held her until she could cry no more. "Honey... I need you to go lie down," I said softly, brushing her hair away from her face. I was surprised that she listened. I took her to Dean's room where I knew she had some clothes to change into. "Get changed and lay down... I'll be back in in a few minutes," I told her. I closed the door behind me and went to the kitchen. Naturally, we had burnt cookies and I had a big mess to clean up. This was when I loved magic the most. The mess was cleaned in a matter of moments... and so was the mess of burnt cookies. But I couldn't mask the smell in the air, which was horrible. So I opened all the windows in the house, hoping it would help.

I went back to Dean's room and knocked lightly as I opened the door. I was glad to see her laying in his bed. But instead of getting into something of hers, she was in something of Dean's. It didn't really matter, as long as it was clean. I sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on her knee. "Addie, sweetie, there was nothing you could do," I said, seeing the look in her eyes as guilt.

I had decided to wear my favorite shirt of Dean's and a pair of his boxers. It made me feel safe. I was under his covers and holding a little dragon Dean had gotten for the baby when Ember came back in. I was thinking of how he was going to blame me for losing the baby. We didn't even know what it was... I had asked the Healers today, though. It would've been a girl. That they could tell. But they couldn't tell what the cause was? I couldn't believe it! With everything they had at their fingertips... they couldn't get a reason behind this. I looked up at Ember and said quietly, "I know... but he doesn't. He's going to think it was my fault." My voice broke at the last part and tears started coming again.

I pulled her into a hug again and I stroked her hair like my dad had done for me thousands of times, even when he didn't know the reason (because it had typically been about Sirius it seemed). "Shh... Dean won't be like that," I told her, rocking her slightly. "His first concern will be you. I promise you that," I said.

I walked into the house expecting to see some cookies.  But I smelled burnt ones.  I looked around and it was awfully quiet.  "Mum?  Addie?" I called out, getting a little worried.  Why was I worried?  Because shit seemed to happen to our family for no damn reason.  Well... I mean, it could be the fact that we're Blacks... and Dad's an 'ex-murderer' and I'm a no-good scoundrel in the eyes of a lot of people.  "Hello?"  I started towards the living room to see if there was something amiss in there.  Everything in the kitchen seemed in perfect order.

My eyes widened. "I can't do this," I whimpered. "I can't tell him... can you keep him out of here for a little while?" I asked. I knew it was a lot to beg of her, but I just couldnt' face Dean yet. I needed to wrap my own head around it, let alone telling him he wasn't going to be a father.

I sighed, that was going to be difficult. "I'll do my best," I responded, brushing tears from her cheek. "Just remember, though, his focus is going to be you." I stood up and left Addie by herself. I didn't know what she was going to do. She was devastated. I went out to the living room adn nearly ran into Dean. "Oh, I'm sorry, honey," I said, plastering a smile on my face. "Addie and I were just having some girl talk... but she got tired. She's sleeping," I lied. "Better stay out of your room for a bit... she's getting into the mood-swing stage." I was hoping he was buying this because I sure wouldn't if I were him. I sounded so fake.

I looked at my mum.  She had a weird look in her eyes.  Something was wrong... I just wasn't sure what it could be.  "Mum... why can't I go see her?" I asked.  Addie had never minded before when I walked in while she was dozing.  I doubt she was sound asleep.  "I need to put my stuff away anyways..."  I pointed to the bag I had.  I, sadly, went shopping.  I never go shopping.  But it was for the baby and I couldn't wait to show Addie what I bought.  She would be fine if I woke her for that.

I saw the bags he pointed at and my heart dropped when I saw that they were filled to the brim with baby things. I sure hoped Addie was ready to tell him, because I couldn't do this to my son. "Honey, if you go in to see Addison, keep the bags out here." I held up a hand to keep him from saying anything. "You'll understand after you talk to her." I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. He just gave me a weird gaze and started towards his bedroom. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I was going to need it. I glanced at the clock and hoped that the other two would stay out long enough for Addie and Dean to calm down a little bit. I wasn't sure if I could keep all of them under control.

For some reason, I knocked on my own bedroom door before going in.  "Addie?  Baby?" I said as I entered.  I saw her laying in my bed wearing that old t-shirt she loved.  She was facing the wall so I wasn't sure if she heard me since I was barely talking.  Instead of waking her up if she really was sleeping, I just got in bed and laid beside her, pulling her close to me.  I felt her wince and tried not to be hurt by that.  I was sure there was a reason she didn't want me to touch her... to hold her.  Maybe she had a bruise...?  She intertwined her fingers with mine, so I knew she was awake.  "Hey, babe, what's wrong?" I asked her quietly whispering into her ear as we laid there.  I still couldn't see her face, and that worried me.  Normally she would've been buried into my chest by now or giving me kisses or something more than this.

I squeezed Dean's hand, but I couldn't bear to look at him right now. I was so disappointed in myself. I didn't need to see that in his eyes, too. Especially since he sounded so hurt already. "Dean... something happened," I started, feeling the tears come to my eyes again. "I..." But I couldn't finish. I couldn't not tell this to him while being so distant. I needed him right now and he would need me. I rolled over, wincing again as the motion hurt a little bit. He wrapped his arms tighter around me when he saw my face. I pulled away only enough to see his face. "I... Dean, I lost the baby," I told him, my voice breaking. "They don't know why... but... Dean, I am so sorry!" I buried my face into his chest and started sobbing. I couldn't bear to look at him right now. I wouldn't be surprised if he pushed me away.